What happened to RESPECT?
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What happened to RESPECT?
| Thu, 11-11-2004 - 11:14am |
I find some posts on this board as well as other boards
| Thu, 11-11-2004 - 11:14am |
I find some posts on this board as well as other boards
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Even if it is old, its being brought back around...I believe its Ludicris in Usher's song yeah who says "I want a lady in the street, but a FREAK in the bed." I believe that song was the first time I heard it, but I think its great!
Angel
Oh you young posters, you make me feel older every day.
Wake up, there's a what in your huh?!?!?
hahaha
What's the difference between submitting to a man or submitting to media crap....shaving to please your boyfriend or vomitting to fit in size 6 jeans? It's all the same allowing others to dictate what's right for you. this is a free country we are all equal if Joe Blow wants you to do xyz as criteria for his girlfriend and it doesn't fit you if he can't meet you halfway tell him to screw. Women need to get strong, beleive in themselves, get real jobs, be powerful, go to Europe whatever. BE YOU and NEVER REGRET IT.
Tish said: >>I bet you never heard the old saying *Wake up, there's ham in your pail* either. lol<<
Nope. Never heard that one! LOL!
artsychick said:
>>BE YOU and NEVER REGRET IT.<<
Don't forget that there are a lot of problems being caused by the strong belief in personal rights outweighing public rights, particularly in the USA. I agree that people (and women) need to be strong, independant, self-assured, self-rightous and getting good jobs etc. but there is also the need to consider the public good and the rights of other people as well. The attitude that "_I_ have my rights and stuff-the-rest-of-you" may be the opposite end of the scale but it's something to consider.
Tish said: >>I bet you never heard the old saying *Wake up, there's ham in your pail* either. lol<<
Ok, I'm responding to the original post and all subsequent posts about what happened to RESPECT. First off, let me say that I am fairly new to this board and I love hearing everyone's opinions on the various topics. Secondly, let me say that I just turned 22, so I am a member of the "younger" generation. I think that perhaps the saddest thing about some of the posts quoted here i.e. "i have to have anal/swallow/etc or he might leave me" is the fact that the majority of these posts are likely from those under the age of 18, possibly even under 16. I realize that there are many grown women who feel these things, but this likely started in childhood--so many young girls don't have the self respect or self esteem to say no and realize it's ok to be alone or not completely "fit in". And so many young guys don't realize how wrong it is to expect these things of such young girls because no one has TAUGHT them! Unfortunately, much the same as it is when trying to get a woman to leave an abusive relationship, there is not much that can often be done until she makes the decision herself to get out. We can be there to offer our support and guidance and safe sex tips; we can even try to help them build their self esteem and self respect, but it is very difficult to undo what took years to create.
I had a very close friend in high school who had sex with her boyfriend when she was only 13 and he 17 because she thought he would leave her if she didn't. He was mean to her and verbally abusive. She gave of herself to keep him, and you know what, he got mad at her and accused her of being a liar because her "cherry" didn't pop the first time they had sex. He threatened to leave her anyway! Well, this friend was very insecure at her looks, had depression, and had food issues. She went through bouts of anorexia and overeating and his behavior did not help. To this day, almost 8 years later, she still runs to him when he calls. He was one of the first men to show her any positive attention and she just cannot let it go.
Now, on the flip side, I want to ask--What about the women who pressure men to do things beyond their comfort level? and what of the women who use sex as a tool (i.e. if you don't do this, I won't have sex with you)?? Also, is it right for one partner to blatantly refuse to do something that another partner truly wants without at least discussing a compromise? I think that on that front, I would be upset if I wanted to experiment with a certain sexual act and my DBF just refused and wouldn't even try to compromise--granted we are supposed to go along with our morals and standards, but I feel that if he or I were to just ignore the others wants and needs then we wouldn't have a good relationship...Just wondering what your guys' opinions are on these situations.
I also want to say that from reading a lot of the posts, it sounds as if some people are saying that anal/oral/swallowing/shaving/etc are bad and that the only women who would do them are compromising their selves. I know that this was not the intention of anyone (I hope), but I do feel like if there are lurking girls out there who already have self esteem/respet issues, this probably isn't going to help them. I am proud to say that I love sex and find many of the acts listed here. It comes down to a matter of personal choice, but I think that in a loving, committed relationship, the couple should discuss the situation and make a decision together. Please do not get me wrong on what I am saying here either-- I do not consider a situation where a man is making a woman feel that he will leave if she doesn't do what he wants to be a "loving, committed relationship".
Oooooh no you don't Tish! LOL! Thats just an old Appalachian saying. LOL!!! I'd tell you what the old MN saying is here,
but I have trouble enough just understanding dese peoples up here dontcha know!
(movie, Fargo, just kills me, LOL!)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
Good post.
>>What about the women who pressure men to do things beyond their comfort level? and what of the women who use sex as a tool <<
Not much different in my opinion. I think that most people frown upon women that blatantly use sex as a tool for getting what they want. The difference is that men tend to use non-sexual things as tools to get what they want sexually, and women use the sex as a tool to get the non-sexual things. Sex is the currency here.
In that situation (of a woman using sex for reward) the things that men have to do generally don't go against their values or degrade them in the same way that doing a certain sexual act for a man can degrade a woman. It's also much more accepted and has been for thousands of years ever since women started using their sexuality as a way to get something. I think that's why it's less of an issue.
>>Also, is it right for one partner to blatantly refuse to do something that another partner truly wants without at least discussing a compromise? <<
I think that it is OK to refuse to do something. The key word here is 'blatantly'. I think that it should be evaluated and perhaps even discussed before a decision is made. Straight out, immediate refusal to do ANYTHING for your partner is not generally helpful though.
>>it sounds as if some people are saying that anal/oral/swallowing/shaving/etc are bad <<
Do you think so? I know that some people do because you get a variety of viewpoints in any discussion. Do you think that is the impression given by the majority? I would have thought that the over-all impression given is that it should be considered before choosing to do what is acceptable and compatible with your own personal values and comfort zone.
What about the women who pressure men to do things beyond their comfort level? and what of the women who use sex as a tool (i.e. if you don't do this, I won't have sex with you)?? My thoughts on that are the same for men or women.
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