what if you find him

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
what if you find him
13
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 11:07am
what if you went into a adult porn shop andfound your husband making love to another man?give me your ideas on what you would feel and think.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 11:14am
I wouldn't care if it was another man or another woman, he'd be out on his sorry butt!
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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 11:44am

Well, I hope you're not asking this because it happened to YOU! LOL! Obviously, I would be shocked and appalled especially, since the thought of same sex relations has always disgusted him. As Tish said though, he would be out the door. Infidelity is infidelity.




Edited 2/4/2005 11:47 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 11:49am

I'd think..."Hmmmmm they certainly give good service here." ;-)

Actually, I'd feel sad and betrayed. DH knows that it's a soft spot for me(infidelity), and that I would be gone should he stray. Man or woman...the feelings would be the same. However, like Kat, I would be surprised.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 5:23pm

Tricky question:
I'm a guy. My answer is speculation to a degree since I can't be involved in that exact situation of walking in on my husband.

Do you mean he is making love to some guy now, in person, right now? How would you discover that? It's not like they'd be doing it out in the open. Were they in a booth? If so, how did you find them?

Whatever the situation, my reaction would be the same if I walked in on him in any building or room and found him making love to another man. I'd be pretty disgusted, upset and betrayed. I think that the relationship would probably be over. The only reason that it might be OK would be where it was a set-up where they intended to surprise you because it was some fantasy that the two of you had shared and agreed to try one day - ie. seeing your husband with another man and being involved. Pretty far fetched I guess, but that would put a different spin on things.

If you mean that you have seen your husband on the cover of a gay blue movie on the shelf, that would still be shocking, disgusting and I would still feel betrayed. But my reaction and actions would depend on when it happened. Did it happen before or after I met and married him? Did I know or having any idea that he might be bisexual before this discovery?

Funnily enough, if the sexes are reversed then the husband's reaction probably wouldn't be the same. Seeing two women together always seems to be the top of the list for guy's fantasies so the reaction for a lot of guys might be quite different once the initial shock wore off.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 6:25pm

"...the reaction for a lot of guys might be quite different once the initial shock wore off."

Boy, not in our case, Westie. If my DH caught me in the same situation, the consequences would be exactly the same. It would be over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 6:30pm
Same here, it would be over whether he caught me with a woman or man.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 6:42pm
...make that a threesome! ;-) My DH too.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:08pm
well this did not happen to us, but this has been suggested to us by men asking us answering our add looking couple looking couple....about 80% of these people who answer our add are men who say they are willing to be bisexual with right couple....when we ask about their wives, the usaul response is that she has no idea of what im into,and would not approve of it.....Yes we have gone to adult theathers, and we has seen some of these men in action...we have a friends that found that her husband was bisexual and she had no idea...this is excatly what happened to them after almost 20 yrs of marriage bliss...So what is it with these guys????Don't women do there homework anymore????
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:12pm
Westie...I think my H would think just the way you do!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:17pm

The truth of the matter is that no one can every really know everything about another person. All I can do is go by how **I** feel and what I know. I know that I don't have even one little iota of attraction to another woman(although I appreciate their beauty)sexually. Really, I know it to be a fact about me. I do not want to ever have any type of sex with any woman. Now, DH has told me the same about how he feels about men. So I have to believe him. If I can feel that way, I have to trust that he can. That's what trust is...it's believing.




Edited 2/4/2005 9:20 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )

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