what seems to be the problem?
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what seems to be the problem?
| Sun, 12-19-2004 - 1:33pm |
Hello,
I'm posting here because I'm trying to figure out what's going on with me and I can't seem to find any answers. I'm forty years old, I'm in a very happy monogamous relationship (in fact, we just got engaged!) I'm no blushing bride--I've been married before, and I've been in a fair number of relationships. Our sex life is healthy and imaginative and vigorous--we have kids and have been known to suddenly run to our room, lock the door, and do it up against the wall...and I love that.
But, I seem to be having trouble with orgasm that I have never had before, and I can't understand why. I am sure it's nothing he does or doesn't do, because I know that I've come before when I was being given oral sex --and I still do, sometimes, but it takes much longer than it did before. And in fact, this disturbing trend in my sexuality pre dates my fiancee. It started almost 2 years ago, and I was seeing somebody else. I was also put on zoloft at that time, and discovered that that can cause this problem. But when I was taken off of it, it didn't improve. Shortly after that, I discovered my g spot, and discovered that I could come by pushing on it hard with a dildo. My ex bf was really upset by this, but my fiancee is fine with it. If I don't come other ways he is fine with me getting out the dildo. I'm just wondering...is it BECAUSE of the dildo, because of the gspot? Have I TRAINED myself to come that way now? Why does it seem like there is less feeling in my clitoral area? Could it be a lasting side effect of the medication (seems unlikely, but you never know). Is it my age? Any answers would be appreciated.
I'm posting here because I'm trying to figure out what's going on with me and I can't seem to find any answers. I'm forty years old, I'm in a very happy monogamous relationship (in fact, we just got engaged!) I'm no blushing bride--I've been married before, and I've been in a fair number of relationships. Our sex life is healthy and imaginative and vigorous--we have kids and have been known to suddenly run to our room, lock the door, and do it up against the wall...and I love that.
But, I seem to be having trouble with orgasm that I have never had before, and I can't understand why. I am sure it's nothing he does or doesn't do, because I know that I've come before when I was being given oral sex --and I still do, sometimes, but it takes much longer than it did before. And in fact, this disturbing trend in my sexuality pre dates my fiancee. It started almost 2 years ago, and I was seeing somebody else. I was also put on zoloft at that time, and discovered that that can cause this problem. But when I was taken off of it, it didn't improve. Shortly after that, I discovered my g spot, and discovered that I could come by pushing on it hard with a dildo. My ex bf was really upset by this, but my fiancee is fine with it. If I don't come other ways he is fine with me getting out the dildo. I'm just wondering...is it BECAUSE of the dildo, because of the gspot? Have I TRAINED myself to come that way now? Why does it seem like there is less feeling in my clitoral area? Could it be a lasting side effect of the medication (seems unlikely, but you never know). Is it my age? Any answers would be appreciated.

I've gone through phases where I mostly orgasm via Gspot or clitoris - but they are not easy to interchange. For some reason, I can go for many months - or years without being able to change from one to another.
I don't really have a solution - except for a handy trick I've found when Gspot orgasms are the going thing: Have your partner stimulate your clitoris at the same time as you've got the dildo on your G spot. It helps to reawaken the lost sensation - and provides for an amazing orgasm at the same time!
Have you ever heard of a "self fulfilling prophecy"? You had problems when you were on Zoloft, then you got off Zoloft. But, you worried if things would start working again. They didn't, because you were concentrating on that, instead of on the pleasure and enjoyment of the intimacy and feelings that were going on.
In other words, you made it into a goal, and by doing that, you stopped paying attention to everything else that was going on.....you were too worried about whether or not you'd have an orgasm. You don't have orgasms because you want to, you have them in response to what else is happening, and if you're not thinking about what's happening, you won't have orgasms, either.
There are women who have never had an orgasm in their lives. They still enjoy sex. Not being able to have orgasms is certainly no reason to give up on sex. Learn to put your whole mind around what's happening to you.....and stop wondering/worrying whether or not you're going to have an orgasm.
Last but not least, your age has nothing to do with what's going on. Most women don't come into their full sexuality until their forties.....and it should last until your 70's or 80's as long as you have good health and a willing partner.
Stop worrying about orgasms and start enjoying your partner.
greentea, i never said that i don't enjoy my partner. i wouldn't be with him if i did not. i love him very much and his every touch is a pleasure to me. part of it is that he wants to make me orgasm so very badly...and he cannot, and this bothers him even though i have told him he is not to blame and i still enjoy every minute of it. i know that a woman's sexuality can and does change over time. i suppose a man's does too.
if my ability to orgasm with him does not improve, i will not worry too much about it. it does not stand in the way of my pleasure or my relationship. however, it is something i have wondered about, and wondered if i could change it