What would YOU do???
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What would YOU do???
| Tue, 03-14-2006 - 7:09pm |
You're at work. You hear whispers. You know its gossip. Don't know what its all about. With an innocent smirk, you sneak over to one of the gossipers in private and ask whats going on.
Juicy detail is that YOU had a fling with one of the co-workers!
...and you know you DIDN'T.
How would you deal with that?

I have a friend that gets along well with two of her male co-workers, and has become good friends with them. The two men are room mates. My friend only lives a few metres down the road from them and occasionally gets a ride to work with one of them.
Of course, working in a hospital it didn't take long for the rumours to start. First she heard she was sleeping with one of the guys, then she heard she was sleeping with the other guy. The three of them decided to play it up to wind up all the gossipers and would have mock lovers' tiffs at lunchtime. The second guy she was supposed to be sleeping with pretended to be absolutely shocked that she was "sleeping" with his room mate and that his room mate never told him, and told my friend it was over. My friend said that the look on everyone's faces was so hilarious that she struggled to keep a straight face.
I think they are still playing it up from time to time, because their co-workers just don't have anything better to talk about and still think there's something going on.
If it were me in that situation, I think that I just wouldn't take it too seriously. Obviously if they have time to make up stories, then they don't have enough work to do. As long as the rumours didn't start getting malicious and I was personally being accused of this, that and everything else, I wouldn't let it get to me.
Well, I've had that happen. I just went "Uh huh! Well..." then I collected myself, asked them where they had heard it because it wasn't true. Sorry to spoil the gossip but I hadn't had the affair with such and such. In fact, I found such and such to be quite unpleasant and was a little disappointed to hear that I was having an affair with them. At least I could be having an affair with someone I actually liked!"
You can't take it too seriously because there is very little that you can do about it under normal circumstances. Denying it too strongly only makes people think that "he doth protest to much!". It'll do the rounds and hopefully die a natural death when there is no more sightings or hints that an affair is happening to feed the rumour mill.
Edited 3/14/2006 11:50 pm ET by westridge2001
Depends on how hot the other co-worker in the rumor was. Lol.
Seriously, I'd hope I'd have the self-control to not really care about such gossip, whether it had to do with me or anyone else.
:)
I work in management, and have seen rumors like this run the mill several times over the years. And it is always the same mean spirited people who start them! Always the SAME people who find pleasure in destroying other's self-esteem and reputation. (sorry to say, they are mostly women)
I guess the best thing to do would be to ignore the rumor. But geeze, that would be hard. Especially since it is only human nature to defend one's self.
I would tell Dh about it in case it somehow got back to him but as far as the work place, I would ignore it.
As the owner of a small business and the Director of another, I know exactly what you're saying. Even it isn't the same one's , its still the same ones it. LOL!
Now, I cannot say that they're mostly women. What I can say is that the seems to be almost always discussed by either gender, hardly ever both, and that of course depends on the topic at hand. Another thing I observed was that the men gossip hardly lasts at all. Once the gossip, whatever boring topic it is, gets going, its over in a day at the most. LOL! The ladies have more to discuss, and I can only guess its because of the difference in topics.
Frustrating either way. :(
C H A R A C T E R
Hey,
Do you realize how looooong of a topic you could get going right here simply by posting updates to that story? LOL!!!
You could tell us what happened each day, just like a soap opera, lol! I'm curious to know if the reactions have revealed anything. Any of them catch on yet? Any further gossip from there?
C H A R A C T E R
Yes, you do have a point about protesting too much. SOMETHING needs to be said though, don't you think?
A gossip about you stealing something isn't going unchallenged, is it? A gossip about how much you make isn't either, right? Someone heard a rumor about you or someone in your family that truly questions your integrity...especially with those personnel who know you. Are you sure you could really be that quiet about it by simply ignoring it?
I like your wording of not protesting "too much" because at least you've made your point and moved on. Would you simply say its not true?, or would you challenge the actual source of it by claiming its gossip and that you're interested in how it got started? I kinda feel, from personal experience, that its the topic that matters here. Unfortunately, some get very personal and very serious, as in being untrue but very believable anyway--especially where it really hurts.
I prevented the promotion of an employee one time because of a report from his supervisor about poor work attitude. Turned out to be untrue after I further investigated and discovered that the report was based on gossip and NOT from personal discussions with that worker. The worker was fine and "ignored" everything after one single denial and almost ended up being for it.
I've got PLENTY of personal examples of how gossip can truly cause damamge if not adequately challenged, even though too much challenge may cause more damage itself...I agree wholeheartedly.
C H A R A C T E R
I agree with you. Not that simple at times though.
For example, remembering what your husband does for a living, what if this were an elevated rumor about him and a student?
Last time I had this happen with one of my workers, I asked what the facts were. No answer. I asked who saw what. No answer. Time before that, someone approached ME about ME being involved after hearing a rumor about it. I simply asked, "Do believe it?" That question got the gossiper personally involved rather than kept her as a fun-seeking third person of the issue. Made the hugest difference in the world after that too.
I was just wondering what 'specific' ideas others might have had. Sounds like all good advice so far, but I think this just may continue to be one of those issues that has no real good response to it, which is what makes it so detestable I guess. :(
C H A R A C T E R
>>SOMETHING needs to be said though, don't you think?<<
Well, Yes, in most situations something does need to be said. But while it is personal for you and you often take it to heart and consider it a serious piece of gossip, many other staff aren't nearly as concerned with it - it's just another piece of gossip for many of them. If you make too much of a fuss they begin to think that there may be some truth to the rumours and you are covering your tracks. On the other hand, a well placed and well timed denial to the right people can make a big difference. I guess the trick is to figure out how serious the gossip is and to calculate the appropriate type and strength of the response.
You originally asked about gossip about having an affair with an office mate. That two factors that effect the seriousness of that gossip that immediate spring to mind are your and the supposed affairee's maritial status. If you are married then that's more serious than if you two were single.
Gossip about supposed theft is an entirely different and much more serious ballgame right from the outset.
Gossip can cause damage. There is no doubt about that. But at the same time it can be relatively harmless and has different levels of seriousness. No single standard response is going to be right for every situation.