What would you do?
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What would you do?
| Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:20am |
Just have a question need some womanly advice. If your husband cook dinner for you and your kids every night, clean the house, did the laundry every weekend, took the kids to school and picked them up every day and all the other stuff around the house. Would you have sex with him when every he wanted to?

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Some women feel tired all the time because they struggle with depression. If a woman is on depression meds, those are known to kill a sex drive. Menopause? Hormone meds? Health or emotional problems? Past sexual abuse? Mismatched sexual libidos? Sexually repressed/was raised to think sex is dirty? Could be lots of things. Relationship problems? Kid or other family problems? It sounds like the two of you need some really good communication and if necessary, a counselor.
Edited 6/22/2004 1:34 pm ET ET by tiana_rose
Leticia
I didn't read the other posts, but scanned the outline view. I agree with the others who said there is something else majorly wrong in your relationship that has nothing to do with chores.
I don't really have any advice for you other than to talk to her about it. Its NOT about chores and pulling your weight with family responsibilites, its about her anger and resentment towards you and your relationship. Why? I don't know. Only she knows and she's the one you need to talk to about it.
I would straight up say that I am NOT buying the "i'm to tired excuse" and that she needs to come clean about why she is using sex to manipulate you and destroy your relationship.
BTW, its really important that you work this out. You have kids who need 2 parents, so its your job to get her talking and figure this out.
Best of luck to you
Sara
And its another to expect that after you do them, you automatically get rewarded through sexual means.
I think the problem may be (and I'm not sure because each situation is different) in the fact that she may feel somehow forced or commanded to complete 'sexual favours'. Although I have a highly active sex drive, I know that if my boyfriend phrased "If I do this, will you give me _____" I would be immediately turned off. Being expectant of something can be degrading to any strong, independent, working female.
I recognize its difficult to do something without any recognition from your spouse as it may make you feel taken for granted, however, she may feel as though she is being taken for granted as well; the price to pay for her in bed is not love, but merely a night of dishwashing and laundry.
Hope this gives you another stance on things!
When I said "she's got a problem", what I meant was that whatever the problem is, it's on "her end" of the relationship. That problem could vary from sexual repression to childhood abuse. It could also be that she's not happy in the marriage, and is thinking of ending it, or involved with someone else.
It could ALSO be simply that he's not being loving and romantic during the times when he's NOT doing the housework, or that he's constantly throwing it in her face....."I do everything around here, and I'm entitled". Maybe he jumps into the bed next to her and says "gimme some baby"! We all know, that's NOT going to work.
But the bottom line here is that she's the one that has a problem. It's very possible that her problem is HIM. That's why he has to talk to her and find out WHAT is bothering her, because all other things being equal, no woman is going to refuse sex on a continuing basis, unless something is bothering her. Until he finds out what's bothering her, he can cook and clean till the cows come home, it won't help.
That is what I meant by saying she has a problem. Her problem COULD very well be him, but of course, he wouldn't know that, if she doesn't tell him anything but "she's tired".
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