What would you do over differently if you could?

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Registered: 11-04-2012
What would you do over differently if you could?
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Sat, 09-28-2013 - 6:30pm

If you could have a do-over regarding one aspect of your sex life, what would it be?

I'll go first:  I've been with my hubby for 32 years.  In the beginning, he frequently offered oral sex for me.  I was very shy and inhibited and almost always said "no", although I really liked it.   Now here we are, so many years later, and he very rarely offers oral sex, and even if I ask for it, he usually won't.  My do-over would be to always say "yes" when he asked, no matter how embarrassed or uncomfortable I felt.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 1:20pm

I think it's normal and natural for an inexperienced woman to feel inhibited by the various parts of a sexual relationship, particularly oral sex.  My ex never offered oral, and only tried once after I'd read that it's an acceptable part of sex........so I asked, since he wanted and usually got oral from me.  He absolutely refused several times, then I finally said "Ok, no more for you!"  So he tried, and it lasted about 2 seconds, and he ran gagging and choking to the bathroom where he threw up, brushed his teeth, and gargled!  Needless to say, that turned ME off it for many years.  We divorced after 20 years (not for that reason) and a few men tried to do it to me and I freaked out!   Finally, one talked me into it, took it very slowly, and I learned to accept it and enjoy it.  I am now in a relationship where he is happy to keep doing it for hours, and I love it.

What I would change is I would have experienced sex with a few partners before I got married.  In my day, guys wanted a virgin, not "used merchandise".......and I was a virgin.  Dumb move.  I would have known that my ex wasn't experienced, and had no desire to learn anything.  Oh well, I learned late, but at least I learned.

I only had sons, but if I'd had a daughter I would advise her to get experience before marriage..but to make sure she protected herself from pregnancy and diseases.

Avatar for slah54
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Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 7:28pm

I was brought up in that generation that stressed virginity for women as well.  Although I love my husband, I wonder what sex with other partners might  be like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2013

Siah54, what your husband doesn't realize even if it's nothing more than a selfish reason is him giving you oral sex provides natural lubricant so less need to fumble around for a tub\bottle that takes away from the moment. Maybe being a lot thicker and longer than most I learned to appreciate that years ago. Plus, still being selfish, oral sex gets you closer to orgasm before he even slides in so there's a greater chance of you having multiple orgasms With less effort. Being less selfish, he should appreciate the orgasm from oral sex feels different than penetration which will be nothing short of delightful. Heck, he can lick\suck on you and use his fingers or a toy for your G spot before penetration or pull out, take a break and pleasure you orally...all fun, exciting and satisfying. 

As as far as your question about regrets, sounds dorky but regretting that I didn't develop a "mature" sexual relationship until i was much older which ended up with her dying at a young age and the door closing on having children...a family. Too many years spent enjoying the company of women for fun and physical pleasure. Never a notch in the bed post thing, it just happened that way. 

BTW, I don't like oral sex performed on me. While a woman is doing that all I'm thinking about is sliding inside her, feeling her being stretched open to take me and hearing her moan or gasp.

Avatar for slah54
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Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 10-05-2013 - 1:14pm

Curious George:  I think there is an element of laziness involved; he knows it really doesn't take too much to get me going.  Plus, working on me is a certain way to lose his erection.

Avatar for slah54
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Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 10-05-2013 - 1:53pm
Reading my own comment, it sure makes my hubby sound like a selfish jerk, which he definitely isn't. What he is is exhausted all the time. He works nights and I work days. When we are home together during the day on Sat and Sun, he is trying to catch up on his sleep. Even still, he rarely refuses me if I want sex. He always makes sure I have at least one orgasm, whether or not he does. So how can I complain? I get as much sex as I want, maybe just not as much variety as I'd like.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2013

That's very sweet of you to say about him. I can't tell you how many divorced women or women who just want an occasional lover have told me how tired and frustrated they are to have their man crawl on top  every week or so, pound them 4-5 minutes, cum, roll off and kiss them on the cheek. They were all so hungry to be ravaged, have a man touch them all over and be desired. 

You know sometimes it is "Low T" as they advertise. Just not that hungry or think about sex anymore. if he doesn't take Cialis or "Blue Magic" he should. It takes away the urgency for penetration before losing an erection. You're free to play and tease all the while you can look down and see an erection that's hard as a railroad spike. Knowing it's ready for you when the time comes. Besides, it would make you feel good knowing that just seeing you walk to your side of the bed and pull the covers back to see how much you're desired.

As I mentioned about "mature" love, it's a lot harder to maintain passion, respect and understanding of different desires, than having several lovers and not having to deal with a sexual relationship that evolves over time. 

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 10-05-2013 - 5:24pm
He does have a prescription but with the limited time we have together and the cost of the pills, we only use them if we are away for a few days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Thu, 10-17-2013 - 2:57pm

I had a few of opportunities for sex that I never pursued.  Sometimes, I wonder what might have happened if I had pursued those opportunities.

Avatar for slah54
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Registered: 11-04-2012
Thu, 10-17-2013 - 10:29pm
Good material for fantasies, perhaps.
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Registered: 10-25-2013
Sat, 10-26-2013 - 1:34pm
I am married to a terrific lady, for many years, and we still have a very active and satisfying sex life. She loves to receive oral but doesn't care to give it and that's ok. As for my regret, there was one woman I had the chance to have sex with but turned it down as she was a friend of my wife. Oh how many times I wish I had taken her down on the offer. I still want her but now can't have her. If I could do it over again I would NOT let that chance get by. It would be a mistake but I would not pass up the opportunity now. I know that makes me sound like a jerk but I'm sorry. I doubt she knows how bad I want it to happen and maybe one day I will have the courage to tell her.

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