What is wrong here? Is it him? or me?
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| Mon, 07-24-2006 - 9:48pm |
Hi,
I have been a poster in other boards, and surprinsingly I never thought I would end up asking for advice on sex-related problems.
I have been seeing someone, we are in a "FWB relationship" and our sexual life is limited to weekends because of our work schedules. I am concerned about him not being able to eyaculate or have an orgasm during sex. This past weekend he did not get much sleep from friday. I saw him on Sat and well, we started cuddling and his penis got hard and we started to have sex. After I put the condom on him, he was still hard, he entered me and after a few thrusts he lost his erection. We tried different positions, but it seemed like he was losing sensibility. We have had sex with condom on many times before and it has not been a problem for him to keep his erection, and eyaculate. But this time it was sooo akward. I was not pushing him nor pressuring him to finish off. Actually I told him that maybe we needed to take a break and try later,maybe he was tired. Well, we did that, we napped, and when we were ready to get back into action, the same thing happened he was hard, he had the condom on, and after a few thrusts he again lost erection.
He asked me if we could do it without the condom, claiming he was losing sensibility. I said no, because the condom is the only contraceptive method I use. So we tried a couple more times, and this again because he wanted to keep trying, I had told him it was ok not to do it because he maybe was too tired to do it. In sumary, we tried four times, in different positions and the same thing kept happening every time.
I did not say anything , but it was akward for both of us. We cuddled a bit and then he had to leave to run some errands. Afterwards I thought....is it me? do I still turn him on? or not? or is it him? and why?
He has not had this problem before, or at least not with me. However, one time we did it without a condom and it was not a problem for him to go all the way. So I wonder, is it the condom?is it him having a physical problem? is it him just being tired? or is it psychological?
Is the sexual life going downhill? I felt bad for me and for him too. I dont expect him to perform fantastic everytime but I just got concerned.
What do you think? any ideas?suggestions? advice?
All of it is really appreciated,
Thanks,
A.

Yes,
I understand that. It could happen to anyone and yes, there have been times where I am not in the mood for it. The fact that he wanted to keep trying was what got me concerned. I expressed to him it was ok if did not have sex. I am not pressuring him , or at least not trying to. Or maybe he felt the need to satisfy me...who knows. I was just surprised because it never happened to me before and four times on the same day! I dont want to make it a problem. Even so, I told him after the second time that maybe we killed the mood , and it happens and it is ok, we could just cuddle. The fireworks will be kept for another occasion...
Am I over stressing?
He probably kept going because he WANTED to finish......guys can get very uncomfortable if they start, but don't finish.
But, also, you're not in a "relationship" with him, and it's just a sex thing.....so why are you worried? It's certainly nothing you're doing wrong...and it's his problem, not yours.
Also, if you don't want to get pregnant, then DON'T do it without a condom. You really don't know for sure when you're ovulating, there is NO safe time....some women have been known to get pregnant even during their period. Even if he pulls out, he's leaking pre ejaculate from the minute he's erect, that could contain thousands of sperm in a few drops.
IMO, since this is only a FWB with no true intimate attachments, then yes, you are overstressing. This is a convenience for you both, right?
And I agree with dakine, he wanted to keep going because it can be frustrating for men AND women to become aroused and not reach orgasm. So, I think it had less to do with YOU and more to do with his own lack of satisfaction.