What is wrong with me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
What is wrong with me??
6
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 1:53pm
Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been having sex for almost a year now. And I have still never had an orgasm from it. Oral sex doesn't do it for me either -- the only thing that works is my vibrator. I can't even get myself off without using it. He doesn't mind if I use it during sex, but I'd rather not have to. I love being with him & it feels nice, but just not so much that I actually orgasm. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me... I know it's hard for a lot of girls to get off just by having intercourse, but it's sort of frustrating that NOTHING except my vibrator works for me. Does anyone have any suggestions, or will I be dependent on my vibrator for the rest of my life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 2:24pm
you may have become desensitized(sp?) due to all the vibe stimulation.. if i use things like the shower head or massager a lot it takes a while for anything else to work for a little while afterwards...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 2:26pm

Have you visited www.the-clitoris.com for idea? Seems like you can either relax enough with your boyfriend or maybe get the right stimulation need from oral sex.

"will I be dependent on my vibrator for the rest of my life?"

No, you just haven't found the right set of stimuli for you. Since I think lots of this is related to your mind, you don't say what you are feeling when you have sex with your boyfriend. Can you relax enough to really sex? Does your mind go else where? Any fears about that might be holding your back? From the oral sex, why don't think it does it for you? It's certainly a different feel from a vibrator. Has your boyfriend inserted a finger to massage your G-Spot while performing oral?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 4:01pm

Orgasms are as much mental as they are physical. The best way to NEVER have an orgasm is to worry about why you're not having them. There is NOTHING wrong with you physically, or the vibrator wouldn't give you one.

What you have to do is FORGET about it, and just concentrate on having and getting pleasure when you're with your b/f. You're aware that most women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone.....you need clitoral stimulation at the same time. You can do it, he can do it, or your position can do it. Have you tried WOT? That's the best and easiest way to have orgasms during intercourse. If you tried it and it didn't work, that's because you were probably doing it wrong. It takes practice to get it right. Don't squat on your heels and try to bounce up and down, your legs won't hold up for two minutes. KNEEL over him, insert him, and then SLOWLY and sensuously start grinding against him. That will give you the clitoral stimulation you need. If you get the angle just right, you might even get some "g" spot action......

Read the web site the previous poster gave you the link for, and then just stop thinking about it. The more you think about whether or not it's going to happen, the less chance it will happen, because you're NOT concentrating on the pleasure that you're having.

The object of sex isn't to have orgasms, it's to have pleasure. The orgasm is a bonus, IF you learn to concentrate on and enjoy the pleasure. The minute you feel yourself getting close, you lose concentration because you start THINKING.....will I or won't I? And it's gone! Relax, enjoy the pleasure and intimacy of what you're doing....and it WILL happen.

Put the vibrator away for a while....you've got yourself trained to only respond to that, just like some guys are so trained by masturbation that they can't ejaculate during sex.




Edited 8/1/2007 1:59 am ET by sakura2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 12:41am

Welcome to the board sc87.

You've gotten some good advice from the other members. I think that trying to go without using your vibrator for a while (during masturbation or during partnered sex) will go a long way to helping you have an orgasm by other means.



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket




my partner in the siggy exchange






iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 5:13pm
Ahh! I have the same problem. Except the only time I get off is at the gym doing the "captain's chair" Hey at least it gets me some good abs...anyways to the question at hand- Do you fake orgasms or are you open with your boyfriend? I feel so bad because he tries so hard that I just fake it. I know you're not supposed to but...yeah. Have you gotten any good advice yet? If anything works for me, I'll let you know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 8:30am
Welcome to the board asu_nursek. Thanks for joining in.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket




my partner in the siggy exchange