What's going on here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
What's going on here?
5
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:03pm
Oh where do I even start? Long story short, 7 months ago I got out of a 5-year relationship and just started "seeing" a co-worker (who lives in another city). We've been working together for a few years and he is a someone I respect, and someone who has become a trustworthy friend. I have sensed interest on his part for quite a while but the mutual flirting just started a few months ago. One thing led to another and we are now sexually active, but I have no idea if this is the beginning of a relationship or a "friends with benefits" situation. I've broached the subject but got no answer. Obviously, I am developing feelings. I see him on business trips which have been quite often but for now I have no plans of returning for professional reasons. We are both very tightly wound and reserved, but I am pretty sure he likes me as an individual and sees me more than a sex object. In any case, we have had multiple encounters, and he didn't climax--at all. Yet we continued to have sex. He said it has happened before but not to this extent. In any case, last night he finally came--through my manual and oral stimulation. I would like to think that his "problem" was psychological, that he is slowly opening up and is feeling more comfortable and open to the idea of a relationship. Am I being ridiculous?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:23pm

Hmm if I understand your question, you are asking about his problems coming to climax, and it sounds like he needs to talk to his doctor about it. It could be a phycal problem (ie body I know I am not a good speller) or mental or a little of both.

Jason

jason.jpg picture by Casey28zs

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:34pm

Hi and welcome mimi. As far as the relationship, I think that is something you need to discuss with him. Tell him how you feel and ask point blank what you have together. That's the only way to know. As for his problem, it could be psychlogical or it could be medical. He should probably talk to his doctor if it continues to happens.

How old are you both?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 1:17am

You're assuming a lot. His "problem" has nothing to do with whether or not he wants a "relationship" with you. They're two separate issues. Some guys just have problems with a new partner....and when they get comfortable with the partner, the problem goes away.

The fact that he won't answer when you ask him, says a lot. It says he either doesn't know himself, or that it's a sexual relationship with no strings........i.e.: FWB.

The best time to establish what a "relationship" is......is before sex comes into the picture. Now, you're not sure what's going on. If you want it to be more, then it's up to you to establish that with him. If he balks......then it's up to you whether or not you continue with a FWB, or you just move on. Do not "assume" anything.....if you want to know what it is, then ASK what it is. If he can't or won't answer you, that IS the answer.....it's nothing but a "convenience".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 11:34am

Welcome to the board mimijiminy1569.

I think the other members have given you excellent advice. At this point, he hasn't given you an answer. If it's important to you that this is a "relationship", then you really need to have a conversation with him outside of the bedroom.

There are many possibilities for his sexual dysfunction, so I don't think you can read too much into that.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 12:01pm
hi nhgal--thanks for your response. we are both 31...