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What's not up?
| Thu, 09-14-2006 - 12:25am |
I'm female, 56 dating a male 46 who has trouble getting an erection. I've tried all I know but no luck. Only he can get it up with a hand job. His past two grilfriends left him because they weren't satisfied and he was boring so I know it's not me. He's only the 2nd guy I've ever been with and I really like him. Any suggestions other than medication? I just got out of a looooong marriage so I'm a little naive. Any suggestions?

HE has a problem. Who knows why? If he can get an erection manually, then he doesn't have ED......it's some kind of mental/emotional hangup....and has nothing to do with you, and you have proof of that because others have had the same problem.
Sex isn't the be-all end-all of a relationship, but if it's not happening at all, then it's not going to be much of a relationship, either.
If he's only your second man, then move on.....and don't "settle" for an asexual relationship. There are plenty of men out there your age and older who do NOT have problems. Finding one might be a problem, lol But they're out there.
Once he's got the erection from masturbation can he maintain it without further manual stimulation?
I think that there is a distinct possibility that he DOES have ED. Masturbation can provide a very specific physical stimulation that can get things happening that don't happen just by thinking about sex. It's probably something that needs to be investigated with a visit to the Doctor. There might be a physical cause or medical condition that is making it difficult for him to get and maintain an erection. Yeah, most guys find this exceedingly embarrassing and a little ego-destroying but if it can be fixed there certainly are benefits :-)
As dakine said, it may be mental too. I would guess that the mental anguish caused by the last two women labelling him as boring and useless won't have helped matters either. As far as boring goes? Well, if he's not doing it for you, you need to show and tell him what you like and how you like it. If he's willing to learn he can acheive miracles. Sex isn't rocket science but we all need a few pointers from time to time to learn what and how to do what our partner likes.