When does No = No, and No = smthg else

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
When does No = No, and No = smthg else
16
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 5:37pm

Ok, I am a young man, very nice, sweet, and a little mature. so I would not hurt a girl... but I have a huge problem.

I have met so many girls who have told me 'no' as an answer for dating, French kissing, making love, changing positions, or whatever else, and i simply took them at the word cuz I respected them. I moved on, met somebody who likes me, and then months later the previous girl go "I was crazy over u. if you liked me, u would have not given up so easily", or "you were just supposed to do it just a lil different". WHAT!?!?! No thanks, not another statistics. Well, now, I have had that so many times, and it keeps happening, so I'm lost now.

So this is my question. Maybe give me some hints, body language, not-so-corny clarifying questions to ask. Remember we are all mature, I am talking about subtle, non-threatening things. So asides from the clear-cut cases, when should men take 'no' for an answer, patch the self-esteem, and move-on, and when should we take the 'no' as you expressing to us that although u want us badly, maybe u need more time, more space, practice, romance, or just a different setting... and that you truly don't want us to just stop.
(I hope I make sense...)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 6:20pm
i understand what your saying. It all depends on how well you know the person and their body language... My husband knows when i mean no......... and we also use a safe word instead.........so he does not get confused. I dont know what else to tell you except maybe offer something that does not get the answer of yes or no.... Good luck..
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 9:57pm

Welcome to the board, joshua_rae.

I'm not really sure what advice to give you. If these women are crazy about you, it doesn't make sense that they would say no to a date. That's not mature. Sounds like moving on was the right choice.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2008
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 11:04pm

Josh,the path to a womans heart,soul and the truth is through eyes. To a lesser degree her body language and the tone of her voice,like when she says no but means yes. Confused? LOL Don't let it bother you. There's a learning curve for a man to understand a woman. Women aren't complicated, they just think differently. Now you're really confused! LOL Go on Google type in reading a persons eyes and reading a womans eyes. Understanding body language. Last but not least spend time on i.Village and read what women say. The following is a biggie! If you want to satisfy all of a womans needs,it starts by satisfying her emotional needs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 1:48am

"when should we take the 'no' as you expressing to us that although u want us badly, maybe u need more time, more space, practice, romance, or just a different setting... and that you truly don't want us to just stop."


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 6:56am
Since my wife was sexually assaulted NO always is taken as NO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 7:49am
Not so corny clarifying comments or statements:

If you get a "no" when you are in the midst of something, stop, relax and tell the young lady that "no" always means "no" to you, because you are mature, a gentleman and respect yourself first of all and then those around you. Tell her that if she is ready to try something else, or really likes you and wants to pursue the relationship or activity you are engaged in at the moment, it is then up to her to let you know in clear terms that when she is ready you will be ready to listen and proceed. It then becomes her turn to take HER responsibilities. Try not to do it in such a way that she can claim later you were pressuring her, because you aren't.

Same thing if you run into a former GF again who gives you the lines you stated in your post, which are an attempt to push all the responsibility back onto you. Explain to her that to you, her "no" meant "no" etc etc with the self respect.

Male posters here on the message boards have repeated over and over and OVER again that they are not mind readers. So it isn't just you, as a mature young man, this is something that has an affect on all relationships, married, single or whatever. Women aren't mind readers, either, for that matter. Just thought I'd throw that in, because we aren't.

Talk, speak up, this is something you will need to develop skills in, because all relationships end up needing to be talked about at some point, no matter how difficult it is for any of us. Good luck, and bravo to you for being so sensible.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 7:52am
*Women have a responsibility to clearly make their wishes and preferences known and not play games and act coy. We are not mind readers and if something is really either/or they should say so, not leave the burden to push a boundary on her partner.*

I totally agree, and you said it quite well.
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My stories run up and bite me on the leg - I respond by writing down everything that goes on during the bite. When I finish, the idea lets go and runs off. -
Ray Bradbury

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 8:18am

I totally agree!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 8:21am

I have a very simple answer for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 8:25am

I agree with the posters that said always take no as meaning no.

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