When does No = No, and No = smthg else

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
When does No = No, and No = smthg else
16
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 5:37pm

Ok, I am a young man, very nice, sweet, and a little mature. so I would not hurt a girl... but I have a huge problem.

I have met so many girls who have told me 'no' as an answer for dating, French kissing, making love, changing positions, or whatever else, and i simply took them at the word cuz I respected them. I moved on, met somebody who likes me, and then months later the previous girl go "I was crazy over u. if you liked me, u would have not given up so easily", or "you were just supposed to do it just a lil different". WHAT!?!?! No thanks, not another statistics. Well, now, I have had that so many times, and it keeps happening, so I'm lost now.

So this is my question. Maybe give me some hints, body language, not-so-corny clarifying questions to ask. Remember we are all mature, I am talking about subtle, non-threatening things. So asides from the clear-cut cases, when should men take 'no' for an answer, patch the self-esteem, and move-on, and when should we take the 'no' as you expressing to us that although u want us badly, maybe u need more time, more space, practice, romance, or just a different setting... and that you truly don't want us to just stop.
(I hope I make sense...)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 5:25pm

I totally agree, Sakura.

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 4:01am

Hi, Joshua.


I have to echo the other posters. Saying "no" without meaning it is game playing. "I was crazy over u. if you liked me, u would have not given up so easily" - oh really? You know what happened to the little boy who cried "wolf"? In the end, nobody believed him. That's why I firmly believe that no should mean no. You don't need any confusion at this level (especially if there's any kind of sexual activity involved).


If I say "no", I mean "no", and if the guy didn't take it as such and continued pursuing me, I would be very much annoyed (and possibly scared, depending on the situation) and I would feel entitled to taking action to defend myself. So good for you! You are right. "No" should mean "no". When you took it as such, you proved yourself a gentleman and a considerate person. If she didn't mean it, that's her problem.

ScorpioWoman, Proud Winner of the 2008 Victor Hugo Memorial Run-On Sentence Award


We kittens may be cute and lovable, but don't forget we have claws...

ScorpioWoman, Proud Winner of the 2008 Victor Hugo Memorial Run-On Sentence Award

We kittens may be cute and lovable, b

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 4:30am

I agree with the others - "No" means "No". You can't risk it any other way. If you do ignore it at worst you end up in serious trouble and in jail, or at least, you upset someone badly. You have to take "No" to mean "No".

It's never easy deciphering what women really want when you're a young guy trying to figure it all out. Come to think of it, it's not much easier as you get older! You have to go with the "No". I think that saying something like "OK, I respect that. Let me know if you change your mind" lets the woman know what you are thinking and that you have processed her "No" to mean just that. A young woman has to realise that she's playing game by saying No when she means Yes, and that she shouldn't be surprised if a guy takes her at face value.

It's really got nothing to do with being a "nice" guy, or being 'too nice' so don't feel that you should push harder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2008
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 1:15pm

DAMN DUDE!

I understand your frustration completely.

I used to date this one girl last Christmas. Whenever we'd start making out and feeling eachother up, she's push my hand away and said "no" but then later she would say she was disappointed I did stop and didn't push a little harder for it; that she likes her men to be a little forceful.

So I'd try doing that; pinning her down, pushing on for a few more seconds after she said no. But then she'd talk about which things she did like and which things she didn't like and when, and I just said, "Alright look, when we're in the act, I can't read your mind, and I don't want to go to jail, so c'ya1"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 2:45pm
For me, No means No. That's it. My belief is women are old enough to decide for themselves what they want. If they say they don't want me, I'll believe them and move on. I'm not really into all the games, so if they're just playing those, it's probably better than I move on in this case as well.
Actually, it makes quite easy. You're left with the people that have some interest in you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 10:50pm
Welcome to the board, ffm86, and thanks for joining in.






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