when is it safe to have sex after you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
when is it safe to have sex after you...
13
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 8:27pm

when is it safe to have sex after you've contracted herpes?



  • when the sores fade
  • never
  • only after treatment, with fading sores


You will be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 8:55pm
That I honestly don't know.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 12:09pm
Even with treatment and even if you have not had a break out after any amount of time, it is NEVER safe to have unprotected sex once you have contracted the herpes virus. Your lover can and will still get it even if you have been outbreak free. Always use a condom, no matter how much you think you will be okay to not pass it on. It is spread even while you are not having an outbreak.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 2:34pm
Unfortunately, contrary to popular information that is passed around, a condom will not protect a person from contracting genital herpes, if their lover has it. Genital herpes usually is on the outer labia for women, and close beside the base of the penis (not directly on it) for men. A condom only protects the penis shaft and the inner vagina, and it only blocks fluids. So, in the case of this particular STD (genital herpes), condoms really aren't effective.

Condoms are effective for other things, such as any worries related to bodily fluids (pregnancy, AIDS, etc.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 2:51pm
Completely true. But generally, herpes is only passed between lovers in that sense when the infected person is in the middle of an outbreak. For the most part, BUT NOT ALWAYS, when the infected person is not having an outbreak, a condom will keep that person from spreading the disease to their partner. As I said though, this is not always the case. To keep both people safe, it should be known to the uninfected partner that the other has the diease so they know what they are getting themselves into and they know there is a chance of getting herpes. Always be open and honest to your lover about having herpes so no confusion is added to the already cautious situation.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 5:40pm
Found this on the National Herpes Resource Center Website http://www.ashastd.org/hrc/educate.html

Herpes can be transmitted when there are no symptoms present.

There are several days throughout the year (called asymptomatic reactivation, asymptomatic shedding or subclinical shedding) when a person can be contagious without having a symptom.


Any sexually active person may contract genital herpes. Ways to reduce risk include:

If a person with oral herpes performs oral sex, it is possible for the partner to get genital herpes. If someone has a symptom around the mouth (oral herpes), she or he should not perform oral sex until all signs have healed.

If a person with genital herpes has sex, it is possible for his or her partner to get genital herpes. If someone has signs or symptoms around the genital region (genital herpes), he or she should not have sexual activity until all signs have healed.

When there are no symptoms present, using latex condoms for genital-to-genital contact reduces the risk of transmission.

One antiviral medication for herpes, valacyclovir (Valtrex®), has recently been shown to reduce the risk of herpes transmission. When taken daily by a person with a history of recurrent genital herpes, valacyclovir can reduce the risk of transmission to a partner who does not have the virus by 50%. It’s likely that a combination of suppressive valacyclovir and condoms provides greater protection than either method alone.



Microbicides/Spermicides have not been proven to reduce the risk of transmission. If used, they should be used with a condom, not in place of one.

Herpes is transmitted through direct skin-to-skin contact. This occurs when a contagious area comes into contact with a mucous membrane, primarily the mouth and genitals.

Most skin on the body is too thick for the virus to go through.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 7:57pm
Thanks for your reply, so does this mean that my sex life is over?

The sores are fading day by day i can hardly see them myself. Evenually the sores will dissapear, when this happens is it then safe for me to have sexual intercourse?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:02pm
Thanks for your reply. So does this mean my sex life is over.

The sores are fading day by day so im feeling much better, but the whole thing still bothers me quite alot. is it okay to have sex with a condom, when the sores are no longer there; meaning that the area is clear. is it still possible for me to transmit herpes to another even if this is so??
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:50pm
Sweetgal, if you haven't been checked by a doctor, get yourself to one.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 1:00pm
once you get herpes, you have it forever (sores or no sores). you have an obligation to tell your partner even when there is no outbreak, because there is always a risk involved. your sex life is not over, one in four people have genital herpes (although many don't know it). and up to 80% of all people have oral herpes.

although it may seem like your sex life is over, that is not the case. having a frank discussion about this with your partner may lead to greater intimacy in your relationship. of course there will be some who will not want to engage with you for this reason, but it is best to find this out towards the beginning of a relationship.

it's a bummer to have to deal with it, but it's not the end of the world. as they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. educate yourself as much as you can, so you can in turn educate your partners.

one more thing, ask your partners to get a herpes blood test. since most people have oral herpes, learning that they already have a type of herpes may make them more open to being with someone who has a different type.




Edited 6/22/2004 1:06 pm ET ET by sugarbeat

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 2:18pm
Well I am in no way any kind of an expert about this as I do not have herpes myself but check out the website alwaysaangel provided. There is a lot of other helpful information on there that can better help you understand this disease. Also, I agree with the others and strongly urge you to go to your doctor about this. Get on some kind of a medication that will help you to not break out as often and to talk about what is and isn't ok when sex is involved. If you are embarassed and that is why you have not seen him/her yet, you need to get over that and now. You are putting yourself at risk by not going. Although herpes is not terminal, I have known people to get EXTREMELY sick by trying to deal with the sypmtoms by themselves and taking things to try to ease the pain and irritation and such that reacted with the herpes (they were creams and stuff applied right to the rash).

Your sex life is in no way over, you just need to be completely honest with your partners BEFORE having sex with them. That is usually one of the worst things to have happen and ends relationships most of the time - to have sex wtih someone and then find out that they have and STD and now you most likely have it. Good luck and I hope this helps.

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