Wheres the excitement?
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| Thu, 11-25-2004 - 3:50am |
Im 19, and have been dating this wonderful guy for 4 years..and just yesterday we had sex for the first time. We waited a long time mostly for me, but i was ready and i love him so we did it. And i really enjoyed it, and since he has wanted to for so long i guess i expected something more out of him when it was over. I mean i wasnt asking for a victory dance or cheer, just like a sign that he enjoyed it as well. But instead he just cleaned up and didnt really say anything. I guess i just expected more excitement that we just had sex together, we waited for so long and i feel like he was disappointed in it. Is this a normal thing? i mean i know i wasnt great and it was our first time but isnt that the time ur the most excited? Was his reaction or lack of a sign i did something wrong?
Confused

Were YOU excited afterward? Did you tell him, or show him in any way how excited YOU were? You say nothing about the experience, only about your disappointment in his behavior after it was over.
We weren't there, so it's hard for anyone but you two to know how exciting or satisfying it was. If you've been with him for four years, I would think you would be able to talk to him about it, not only about his feelings, but yours, too.
It's virtually impossible that you did "something wrong" or didn't please him. Maybe that's how he is.......quiet. Maybe he was just overwhelmed with emotions, and didn't know what to say.
The first time for anyone isn't usually earth shattering. You need to learn each other's rhythms and movements. You need to get comfortable with the whole situation.
If you're unsure about his feelings, then you need to talk to him, because he's the only one who can tell you what he felt, and why he was so quiet.
Maybe your expectations were just too high. It's sad, but true, that people wait and wait and wait for intercourse, and when it finally happens.....they're disappointed because they've built up expectations. If you've been together four years, I'm sure you've done many sexual things, and found pleasure in every other way but intercourse. When all is said and done, this is just one more thing that gives pleasure, not that much better than all the other things that you've been doing.
Next time will probably be a lot better. In the meantime, talk to HIM to allay your fears and doubts.
My first time was an incredible anti-climax. Not because anyone did anything wrong, but I think it was more about the build up of expectations. And like your boyfriend, I barely spoke a word afterwards - so great was my disappointment. I most definately agree with the comment that many first timers have huge expectations of what sex will be, and are disappointed when it finally happens. Especially because you've both yet to learn the moves that make yourselves and your partner happy.
You've mentioned that it wasn't great. And I just want to say that it's fabulous that you realise first time sex should't necessarily be great. However, if it wasn't great for you, then most likely, it wasn't great for him either. This isn't a criticism of your sexual technique....it's more about learning how to be good together. Also, our emotions....that "after sex" buzz which you were hoping for.....well, much of it feeds off how much your partner enjoyed it. I'm sure that if he felt that he was rocking your world, he'd have a much greater reaction. I think that when YOU start to have great sex, so will he. He'll get such a buzz out of seeing your pleasure, that he won't be able to help extolling how great it is.
Men can be emotional about sex just like women. It's not all about physical pleasure for men, but also about enjoying the pleasure your partner has. Give him time, give yourself time and it will become great :-)