Where's the sex?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
Where's the sex?!?
8
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 6:05am
My husband and I have been married for 1 year. I am 19 and he is 21. We had a baby. He is disabled and takes care of the baby and the house, and I work. Our roles as typical husband/wife roles are opposite of most families. I love my husband very much. Here recently we get into little arguments over small issues. Such as me not filling the ice trays, not picking up after myself. Well, recently I started working again after having a baby about three months ago. We got into an argument and he told me I don't do anything I just go to work and sleep. I work nights and have a job that is physically demanding of me. Whenever he is in the mood for sex I always give-in to him knowing that I might not be in the mood, but that I will enjoy very much in the end. I have been wanting to have sex for just over a week. Everytime that I try to have sex or initiate sex he pulls/pushes away. I've tried grabbing his genital area to initiate, kissing him, rubbing myself all over him, dressed in a see through long robe, high heels, and a thong, being spontaneous, seductive, leading him to the bedroom....but nothing seems to work. I've told hime I want to have sex and he just does not want to. It leaves me feeling rejected. When we first got married and even when I was pregnant we had alot of sex and now he just doesn't want it anymore. Every night I try and every night I get rejected. He is the only guy that I know that does NOT want SEX! He is my first and I was his first. I just don't understand why he doesn't want sex anymore. He doesn't even hug or kiss me anymore either. Then when we get into an argument he tells me that maybe I don't need to be here and that no one is forcing me to be here so maybe I should just leave. I just don't understand. Can anyone shed some light on the situation,..PLEASE!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 9:12am

It sounds like he's not a very happy camper. The question is why, and he's the only one who can answer that question. Just because you got pregnant, doesn't mean you should have gotten married. Maybe he doesn't want to be married, and doesn't want all the responsibility that he has.

You need to talk to HIM, and ask him what's going on. Argueing doesn't help, talking does. When you argue, it's about little stuff, and the little stuff isn't the problem, it's just a symptom of the real problem. Only he can tell you what that problem is. When a man doesn't want sex, that means there are other problems, outside the bedroom.

Start communicating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 9:36am
As Greenteabag said, that is something you will have to *talk* to him about.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 4:06pm
I just had a baby a few months ago, and my fiance doesn't want to have sex with me either. I have also tried the same things as you have to grab his attention. And yes, I get rejected every time. I have no idea why this is. I am 19 and he is 22. You would think that his sex drive would be off the wall, but it's not. I really can't give you any advice, but I can tell you that your not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 4:21pm
Have you talked to him about it, let him know what your wants and needs are?

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 12:07pm
I know what your talking about...I think the same thing about my fiance...I dont understand why he isnt into sex...I didnt know a man like that existed! And it makes me so self conceince about myself...I dont understand whats wrong with him. I also have a yound child I had him 4 months ago...Maybe it had something to do with that? I dunno I need help too
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 12:09pm
I have spoke to him by the way all of the time I bring it up
Always excuses!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:18pm

Well, I will say this - as a guy - there was definitely soem trepidation after my wife had our first baby (now 16 mo. old). But we actually started having sex again only a few weeks after she was born. I really just wanted to make sure DW was alright. She did NOT have any complications, no episiotomy (sp?), no tearing, so that was nice. I didn't have to worry about how it would be going back in again, but I could see a man having a problem with it. Once, while we were making love, her breasts started to leak, and that kind of freaked me out, and I nearly lost my erection. It's hard to explain, but I guess it's just tough getting used to the "dual purpose" things turn into once you have a baby. It never stopped us though, partly because of communication, and partly because of my knowledge and understanding. A guy could conceivably say it "doesn't feel the same", or even be worried that it wouldn't be good for you.

I'm sure that many a man has had this problem, and I would directly ask him, and possibly seek the advice of a counselor. I'm sure they've had to deal with that problem many times, seeing your DW as a mother instead of a wife. You have to separate the two, and maybe he just can't do that.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 6:57pm

I've learned from others that went through this what and work, but those tricks don't apply for every couple. Here are articles I posted on another thread just like this one, so hopefully your homework will pay off if you choose to read them:

Keeping Love Alive After the Baby Is Born
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nmomcare/0,,lz_6qz2,00.html

Reclaim your sex life after baby
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nmomcare/0,,43z4,00.html

These may not help everyone of course, but someone out there may benefit anyway. Hopefully someone can post back and let us know if they were helpful.

Good luck to you all. :)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R