White Woman - Black Man

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
White Woman - Black Man
39
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 3:20pm
I am a young white woman who has never dated outside her race. For the past few months, I have been extremely sexually attracted to a black man, and I have fantasies about him all the time. He is gorgeous, and flirts with me a lot. I know that I could go home with him if I wanted to and we would have an AMAZING time!! Is what I am feeling normal?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 3:38pm

Not sure what you mean by is it *normal* what you are feeling, being sexually attracted to him as a man, the person he is


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 3:54pm
What I mean about it being "normal" is, why haven't I been attracted to black men before? And now that I find him attractive, I have noticed other attractive black men. Am I just opening my mind?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 4:03pm

Is it normal to be attracted to an attractive man that flirts with you? Why, I guess that the answer would have to be Yes. That's pretty normal. Is it normal to be attracted to a black man? Well, I guess that you'd have to ask all those zillions of people that are dating and married and involved with black men! LOL!

The problem, of course, is that you see race as a barrier. How significant that is to you, only you know. Your upbringing and personal experiences will have formed your opinions and attitudes towards interracial relationships so we can't say much more about it. It's pretty obvious that you see it as some sort of barrier though, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question in the first place.

I assume that friends and family and acquaintances will find your dating a black man unusual. It's up to you whether or not you want to risk the potential friction that may occur the and derogatory racist comments that you may, or may not, receive. Like it or not, that will happen.

How about you do what you want to do? Why not date him/have sex with him if you feel comfortable with doing that? What would you do if he was a white guy? It might pay to examine why you feel that the colour of his skin makes him any different too. Sure, there are quite likely to be cultural differences, but is it that, or is it just the skin colour?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 4:36pm

How about you stop looking or thinking about what color he is and focus on what it is about


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 6:28pm

<<What I mean about it being "normal" is, why haven't I been attracted to black men before?>>


Because you didn't meet *this* black man before.


I was never attracted to blondes until I met my now-xh.


I was never attracted to extremely tall men until I met my now bf.


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 7:20pm
Absolutely! It's called being attracted to and feeling sexual energy/chemistry with someone! Black, White, Purple, Red - makes no difference. As a Caucasian woman, I am attracted to lots of gorgeous black men out there! Indeedy! Very normal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 7:23pm
Sometimes it takes one person we are attracted towards to realize and open our eyes up to others of the same type. Whether it be race, personalities, different looks, etc. etc. So yes! You are "opening your mind" which is a good thing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 7:23pm
ok, what is the difference between the black man and white men. Just the color of their skin. Aren't we suppose to treat everyone equal? So in this case its ok that you are attracted to a black man. Its not the color of the skin its the personality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 7:58pm

If you're wondering if it's normal that you are white and he is black, of course it's normal. The color of someone's skin should be irrelevant. You like the person for their personality, etc.

So, are you just interested in jumping in this guy's bed or do you want a relationship with him? You didn't say how old you were or how old he was, but you should think about actually getting to know him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:12am

I'm Hispanic and he's Anglo.

All my life I grew up thinking, when I fall in love, it will be with someone of my same race.

Well tell that to your heart...

There is nothing wrong with that. Is it normal? Well let me ask you this? Is it normal for a woman to be attracted to a man? Yes? Same thing with a man of a different race.

Of course cultural differences can be quite overwhelming when you are looking at a serious relationship, such as religion, customs, traditions, likes/dislikes, beliefs, values, etc. But if the love is there, everything can be handled.

If right now you are at the level of flirty kinda relationship, why not? But once the commitment comes, if it does, just be aware of those differences I mentioned.

All I can tell you, as different as my husband and I are, we are extremely happy. We've been married for a year now, and we are still learning about each other, but we are very very very much happy!!!

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