White Woman - Black Man

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
White Woman - Black Man
39
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 3:20pm
I am a young white woman who has never dated outside her race. For the past few months, I have been extremely sexually attracted to a black man, and I have fantasies about him all the time. He is gorgeous, and flirts with me a lot. I know that I could go home with him if I wanted to and we would have an AMAZING time!! Is what I am feeling normal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:33am

>>All my life I grew up thinking, when I fall in love, it will be with someone of my same race.<<

I think that was very well worded myself. I think this actually sums up all of us up to the point, that very point, when we cross paths with someone who is either physically attractive or just someone we have that intellectual connection with, such as me & the Mrs. here, that we can't separate from any longer.

In fact......

...there are so many times when she and I wonder wonder wonder just how many people out there actually avoid others, and the revelation of their desire at that, just to avoid the involved when they in fact DO have those desires to become closer anyway.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:39am
You're obviously getting very accurate and helpful replies here melibelle. I hope you find time to come on back and let us know if this is helping. Others are out there in your very same boat and discuss this allll the time, lol, so click on the interracial link in my signature below for the interracial board if you decide to check it out. Very friendly family over there. ;)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:49am
You've gotten good responses here. I'll just point out that there is an "Inter-racial / Inter-faith relationship" message board. I post there occasionally, since me and my hubby are of different races. Posters on that board are very friendly as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 10:48am
I have been going out with a 25 year old Nigerian guy (i am 22 and white) for the past 5 months. I had never dated outside of my race before either and I am quite surprised that I am so attracted to him since I am not attracted to black men in general. He is quite different from a lot of black guys though. I don't see why you aren't "normal" for being attracted to a black guy...But, I think you need to get to know him better before doing the deed with him. I had been going out for several weeks before I jumped in the sack with him...Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:29am

Yes, all of this advice has been very helpful. But on the other hand, it's also very "PC." I am 24 years old and have always lived with the mentality that races shouldn't mix. My family if very against bi-racial dating and I believe that my family would be cruel towards that person. I also have many friends who are bi-racial themselves who say that childhood was hard because of teasing from other kids. Would it be unfair to subject a child to that lifestyle?

I think that this guy is wonderful - he's very sensitive, intelligent, and does not fit the sterotypical personalities of other black men. I just cannot see it going further than a sexual relationship - dating is out of the question.

Is it selfish/rude of me to think that we can only have that type of relationship and nothing more intimate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 12:52pm

From your post:

"What I mean about it being "normal" is, why haven't I been attracted to black men before?"

Umm are you attracted to every single white guy you meet? ......

Your attracted to the whole person not just his skin colour, although appearance is always part of the equation.

Really the question is are you comfortable with interracial dating and possibly something more serious if that develops. I think that's what you need to ask yourself.

Under our skin we all look the same.

BTW: I'm white and married to black woman, and we have two very cute kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:00pm

Our kids are mixed age 6 and 8 and they have never had any problems or issues as result. Its has never been an issue in our experience.

It might vary in different parts of the country.

Were from Ottawa Canada.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:20pm

This is just me, you of course have to go by what you feel is right for me.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:45pm

>>all of this advice has been very helpful. But on the other hand, it's also very "PC."<<

What do you want us to do? Throw a few racist comments at you and get indignant that you would even consider dating someone outside your race? I can't see why you are worried about it being PC, the fact of the matter is that you CAN have a relationship with this guy if you want to. It's also a fact that just because he's black doesn't really mean that much this day and age to many people and it isn't the taboo that it used to be. Sure, you'll get people that have strong opinions about interracial relationships and DON"T think that you should date him. They may even throw in those racist comments. But I'm not sure why you would want to hear that side of things. Or even what there is to tell about that side of things. You already know what it's likely to be like.

I mentioned briefly in my first response that there are likely to be cultural differences. I doubt that he grew up as one of the Cosby kids and is effectively a white person with black skin, but there are plenty of people that have relationships with other people with cultural differences. Other than that, there are no great barriers these days other than being able to cope with the invariable racist comments and attitudes that you will come across from time to time and place to place.

If you just want to have sex with him and not a relationship then make that clear to him from the beginning. His feelings and desires in the matter are no different because of the colour of his skin. It's not selfish and it's not rude, but just make sure that you are clear about it from the beginning.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 3:09pm
One thing I see here that is "normal" (what ever that is ) is that this may be the first black man you have actually been "close" to. Your desire (based on your back ground and family views) probably stems from the taboo of having sex with him and the black male myths weve all heard about. You said all it would be is a sexual relationship, so it is nothing more than lust on your part. If thats all it is , please let him know up front that all you want is sex, he doesnt need a broken heart caused by your curiosity.