White Woman - Black Man

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
White Woman - Black Man
39
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 3:20pm
I am a young white woman who has never dated outside her race. For the past few months, I have been extremely sexually attracted to a black man, and I have fantasies about him all the time. He is gorgeous, and flirts with me a lot. I know that I could go home with him if I wanted to and we would have an AMAZING time!! Is what I am feeling normal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 4:27pm

Thank you for all of the replies. This is a message to all of the replies received:

Yes, I am very sexually attracted to him. It may be lust only, I can admit that! It is easier said than done to just shrug off what family and friends say to you. I have the type of personality that needs confirmation and praise from others. Like what was mentioned in an earlier post, everyone has different personalities. When I said that the responses were all "PC" I was saying that I didn't see anyone writing about the negatives of inter-racial dating. I know that it sucks that we are still living in a very racist country. And that's not just the white population, it's the black population as well. I know for a fact that most young black women do not like for black men to date white women. And they are very vocal about it!! Why is that? Also, it's fine and dandy to say that you don't care about what others think, but if the relationship does not work out, who will you have? If your family and friends lose respect for you, they are not going to support you when you are down.

Is there anyone who can understand my point of view? I am most certainly not a racist, through HS I had a lot of black friends, many of which were male. These are new feelings that I have been having towards black men and it's just a little confusing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 5:17pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 6:11pm

>>Is there anyone who can understand my point of view? I am most certainly not a racist, through HS I had a lot of black friends, many of which were male. These are new feelings that I have been having towards black men and it's just a little confusing.<<

I'll mention this again, but it really is up to you on whether or not you REALLY DO want others just like you to discuss this with, follow the Interracial/Interfaith Relationships link in my signature below. Dear, there's a whole family of us IRs that you can discuss this with, although a sex board has some interesting views, the IR/IF board is designed just for your very concerns.

Again, its up to you. Hopefully I'll see ya there sometime. :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 7:21pm

I can understand your point of view perfectly. Depending on the feelings of the people around you there could be PLENTY of racist comments and bad feelings with your choice of b/f. That's something that you have to weigh up in your decision to date this guy or to not date this guy. While the friction that is caused with family and friends will have racist reasoning at it's core, your decision will have to be based on whether or not you want to, or can deal with the friction and problems that arise.

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to this guy. A good looking guy is really a good looking guy regardless of the colour of his skin. It gets complicated when you have to take other people's opinions into account and deal with the consequences of dating someone that your social circle disapproves of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 8:29pm

hi,

there's a site for interracial/interfaith dating on ivillage under relationships. this is probably where you need to be. we all have fantasies about a rock star, movie star, boss, co-worker , busdriver, etc...that's normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 8:50pm
What you are feeling is completely normal. On the positive side most Black guys are terrific lovers. They are very good at oral sex and they can get it up and off many, many times during a sex session. At least 5 or 6 times is the norm and on average they are much more well endowed than your average White guy. You should also realize that for the most part you are just going to be another conquest for them. After they leave you bed they just might be heading off to another White gal's bed. They love to have multiple sex partners on their conquest list and who can blame them for that. With that said you do whatever you want. I just think you should weigh all the factors. Im sure that my opinion on the subject will not sit well with the majority here on this board, but So What? I gave you an honest opinion. After all Im the guy who once cautioned a woman to be "Very Careful" about having sex with a bi male. Geez! The liberal gang here almost lynched me for giving that advise.
Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:01pm

Melibelle, if you want to merely have sex with this attractive man, who happens to be black, I would say that you are being unfair to him. He probably has a genuine interest in you as a person, and I would hope that the feeling would be mutual. It did disturb me when I read your post that stated that you only want him sexually. It would disturb me if he only wanted you for only sex.

I am a White man, a father and a grandfather of 8 grandchildren, 5 of whom are bi-racial. All are beautiful, accepted and bright. My wife is also White and we love all of our grandchildren unequivocally, without any thought of race. By tomorrow night all of them and their parents will be here in my home for the Thanksgiving weekend.

My oldest daughter, a very bright and noted lawyer, fell in love with a wonderful lawyer and economist who just happened to be Black. Their children are proud of their heritage and all of my grandchildren get along fabulously even though they live in different states. My home is where they usually all get together at least 5 or 6 times a year.

Meet this man and get to know him before you contemplate having sexual relations with him. He deserves this and so do you. The problems you imagine may be just that--imagined. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:24pm

As you grow up, you realize that there are going to be things friends or family will not approve of but you learn to stop seeking approval. I know that no one wants to be on the outs with their famil and I'm not suggesting that their opinion doesn't matter in the slightest. But you have to figure out what is more important to you sometimes, you have to learn how to make choices. Be with someone you care about or make your family happy.

You also might be surprised to find that family comes around once they get to know the *person* and not just see the skin color. I know many men who swore if their daughter married a black man, they'd never speak again, and yet they're happily dandling mixed-race grandchildren on their knee a few years later. And there are a lot of thoughtless people who mouth the racist words, but when it comes right down to being a member of the family, they realize it's just another person and cease seeing just skin color.

I don't know if you've been in any elementary schools lately, but there are a *lot* of mixed race kids these days. It's not just the one here and there it used to be. My kids go to school with a bunch of races, white, black, hispanic, Middle East, Filipino, and all mixtures in between. There are many many kids in their schools that are not 'pure' race anymore. And my sons tell me that there isn't really any difference, they're not treated any differently. There may be some identity crisis when they hit teens, but hey, all teens have their anguishes over one thing or another, trying to figure out what 'group' they belong in. I had to laugh at my 12 year old's last b'day party - we had 3 white kids, 1 black, one hispanic, one oriental and 3 that were mixtures of various ethnic groups. Kids don't see the differences as much as they used to because they are so used to seeing it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 7:53am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:47am

>>>I am 24 years old and have always lived with the mentality that races shouldn't mix.<<<

Well, we live and we learn new perspectives and our mentalities change. Of course, you can choose to close your mind and heart to these new experiences, or you can choose to embrace them and learn more about this world and yourself.

>>>But on the other hand, it's also very "PC." <<<

I don't think the posters here are just being PC. We are just trying to challenge your mentality by pointing out different views, and also encouraging you to be more open-minded regarding this racial issue. Why shouldn't the races mix? I know this belief isn't uncommon, but I'm just curious on the reasoning behind it... can anyone shed some light?

If you choose to let go a potential relationship just because of racial issue, that'll be a shame, but it's understandable. People let go potential great futures for various meaningless reasons: too short/tall, too thin/fat, health problems, financial status, education background... and racial issue is just among them.

I'd like to point out negative sides of inter-racial relationships... but after thinking for quite some time, I really can't think of anything... well, being in an IR relationship does mean that you'll have more to learn... if you don't like learning and experiencing new things, then that would a negative side. Another possible negative side is the occasional extra attention you might receive, if you want to "blend in" all the time, then maybe you wouldn't like the attention. Personally, I love learning new things and enjoy the attention.