Who is in charge in your bed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Who is in charge in your bed?
2
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 11:29am

I was wondering with other folks who does the directing in the bed?

I was thinking how much I control the action during sex. My husband and I both love sex but I have much more endurance than he does. First of all, I pretty much like to have sex until I've exhausted the number of orgasms I have while my husband has one orgasm. Second, I tend to like really hard thrusting but my husband can only last 5-10 minutes doing this before he orgasms. Since we have these differences, we've fallen into a pattern that leaves both of us satisfied. We usually have sex for around an hour with the first 2/3 being pretty much spent on my needs and the last 1/3 being spent on my husbands needs. The first part I like alot of oral on me and some g-spot orgasms/ejaculations using his fingers. By then I really want something inside so we go to the dildo. I like to use this for heavy/deep thrusting and orgasm this way until I'm to the point where I have only a couple of orgasms left in me. Then it's time for my husband and me. At this point, I'm pretty much putty in his hands. I could go for another hour slowly or 15-20 minutes of serious thrusting so he can pretty much do what he wants with me until he orgasms. During this time I usually have at least one more orgasm.

We talk to each other quite a bit during sex telling what we want, how fast, how deep, what position etc. I think it is kind of funny for me to be so aggressive since my husband is a really big and muscular guy (6'5", 230 lbs) while I'm only 5'3". Although, when I really think about it...I tell him what to do in other aspects of our marriage as well (LOL!!).

I was just curious how other people communicate their needs during sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 12:11pm
I would say we are both equally in charge in the bedroom.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 2:26pm

For us, it depends on which one is more in the mood. Also, the of control really depends on how turned on we each are at the time too. It REALLY varies.

Mrs. Para likes to 'discuss' during love at times too. I'm bad, LOL, I'm just totally turned off by it. Sex is such a spiritual thing for me, and words seem to make me "think" more than "enjoy" it I guess. I'm not perfect. :(

LOL! Anyway, its usually the body that does the talking for us otherwise. Our gestures and the way we grab and shift and what not, usually gets pretty self-explanatory I guess. What works for the Smiths won't for the Jones' all the time I guess, lol. For most couples out there, I think the by one partner to try something new/different would be done more and more if the other didn't make the situation feel more awkward than need be by actually asking "what are you doing" or the like. I've read that quite a few times on other message boards and had never occured to me the itty bitty little reasons why many couples actually stick with "the usual" during sex. Really wakes me up to reality and unnoticed lessons on my own when I read what others have experienced. For all we know, this string will keep that learning streak going for others too. :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

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