Who is more to blame in having an affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Who is more to blame in having an affair
144
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 11:03am

Who is more to blame in having an affair



  • The "other" woman/man
  • The one who is in a relationship
  • Both parties involved are equally responsible


You will be able to change your vote.



bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:27pm
Easy answer. It's soley the fault of the person in the relationship. There will always be another man/woman to tempt a person in the relationship, so it's irrelavant who that person is. The only way an affair can happen is if the person in the relationship agrees to it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 1:34pm
It's not "solely" the fault of the person in the relationship. If the 3rd person knows about the relationship and goes ahead anyway, that person is also at fault. Teh fault may not be equal, but there IS fault.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 1:51pm
I think The person that has made the promises should be held accountable, However there are a few acceptions to where I think the other person is at fault just as much...

If it is a friend of yours and they sleep with your husband, also family, a sister, either one would be worse than bad....

I'm not saying if you don't know the woman it is ok, but if you are her friend or family I think that is really crossing lines that should put a target on your azz!!!

  

   who_reallyknows

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 2:30pm


I disagree entirely. The 3rd person can "go ahead anyway" all they want, but if the person in the relationship turns them down, it's totally irrelavent. The affair only begins when the person in the relationship says "Yes". If that never happens, there will be no affair.

Now, what you can say about the 3rd person is they are not your friend, but that 3rd person cannot cause the affair. They can only suggest an affair. Again, the only person that can cause the affair is one of the people in the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 2:31pm
I don't believe these answers! It takes TWO people, and the only way that only one would be responsible, is if the other person is HONESTLY unaware that the person is already in a relationship.

A person IN a relationship who has affairs is lower than low. A person who willingly has an affair with that person is JUST as low. Because one isn't attached doesn't absolve them of responsibility.

Westridge's post about the "affair" which in reality was a one-night stand, NOT an affair...the girl knew he was married....so you're saying she's not at fault in any way? It sounded to me like she was after this man, and granted, he was weak for going along with it, but SHE is the one most at fault. There are women (and men) who will purposely go after a married person.....why, who knows. Maybe it's because they just want sex, and no involvement, and a married person is "safe".....they can't BE involved, unless they want to risk their marriage, or relationship. Maybe it's just plain selfishness, they want what someone else already has. We all know the flesh is weak, and add some alcohol, and a convenient hotel room.....they're BOTH at fault! The "single" one for pursuing, or being willing, and the attached one, who can't control themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 4:36pm
The third person is culpable, and this position has been the one adopted throughout the ages. That is why the 3rd person was ALSO considered an adulterer at common law. He or she is a knowing participant in tearing an existing relationship assunder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 4:54pm

I say both parties are equally responsible with the exception of the "other" man/woman not knowing the other person was in a relationship.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 6:12pm
I disagree strongly. I've never been involved with a cheater, but I don't think the third party is at all at fault. He or she owes no duty to her counterpart in the relationship. Sorry ... that's just not the way the world works. If I were attracted to a married guy, there are a lot of things to think about for sure, but one of the things I would _not_ bother to think about is whether I owed anything to his wife ... because I would not. However, I don't mean that I would be negative toward her in any way -- I wouldn't have a thing against her to begin with. And it would be grossly inappropriate to interfere in their relationship by phoning the house, etc.

I think the blame is mostly on the cheater, but a healthy dose of blame can be allocated to the "cheatee" as well. It is much much much more likely that one will cheat on his/her SO if there are problems with the way that person is behaving in the relationship.

OTOH, there are some guys who simply like "conquering" women and I suppose they could be in a perfectly good relationship and still do it. In fact, my bf is exactly that, but it's the subject of another thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 6:44pm
""""""""""I think the blame is mostly on the cheater, but a healthy dose of blame can be allocated to the "cheatee" as well. It is much much much more likely that one will cheat on his/her SO if there are problems with the way that person is behaving in the relationship. """""""""

This could take the cake for "Most Absurd Post of the Year." Yeah, sure, blame the woman who is cheated on BUT not the 3rd party woman who knowingly acts to disrupt a relationship.

""""""I disagree strongly. I've never been involved with a cheater, but I don't think the third party is at all at fault. He or she owes no duty to her counterpart in the relationship. Sorry ... that's just not the way the world works. """"""

First, the third party DOES owe a duty: A duty of common decency and respect.

""""""If I were attracted to a married guy, there are a lot of things to think about for sure, but one of the things I would _not_ bother to think about is whether I owed anything to his wife ... because I would not. """"""

Well, that's because you're a sociopath. Some people, those with souls and consciences, particularly, may have some moral compunction about doing something like that. That you don't is frightening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 7:13pm
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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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