Who is more to blame in having an affair
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Who is more to blame in having an affair
| Sun, 09-05-2004 - 11:03am |
Who is more to blame in having an affair
- The "other" woman/man
- The one who is in a relationship
- Both parties involved are equally responsible
You will be able to change your vote.


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You wouldn't stay, understandable. But would you blame the person he was with if he did cheat? Not a call girl.. lets say, a woman he works with. You have talked to her a few times, but you are not exactly
who_reallyknows
Your wife has made your sexual life miserable - in turn making your whole life miserable. You didn't marry a Mommy. You married a woman who once was into you and the relationship. If you ever were to step out on her and she was hurt over it, she'd would be a ridiculous woman. Women KNOW how they are, how they act to they're man. If they can get away with it, they will. You're only alternative, sans talking to her a few more times about it, is to stay in a sexless marriage or divorce. Divorces suck though because then the kids get all screwed up. My heart goes out to ya!
Hey - I've just about talked myself out of a committed relationship. Hah!
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Agree
To have the same opinion,
who_reallyknows
OMG. I was really sad and frightened reading this post. My own husband could have written this just a few months ago. I have practiced (and believe in) attachment parenting, which includes having our children in bed with us. After having them, and staying home with them 24/7, my focus and priorities changed. I do not regret that. My children are the BEST, happiest, most well adjusted, kids I know.(yes, I'm biased) Outsiders have very often complimented me/them on their behavior. They are 6 and 9. (during much of this time we also cared for foster children, so we usually had 3 kids)
We both slept "on the edge of the bed" (weather there was a kid in the middle or not) for 6 years! We had sex once or twice a month, sometimes less, and he knew that it was usually more out of obligation than because I wanted/enjoyed it.
you wrote:
"When I came home from a difficult day at work, and really needed a hug, she was more concerned about doing the kids' homework for them (they were "A" students) or with the dinner burning."
This also was SO true for us! I just wasn't ready to give more when he came home, regardless of how much he needed me.
I wont pretend to know all the details about your sitituation but, I can try to give you some insight to how she is feeling. Caring for children takes a lot of enery, EMOTIONAL energy. She may have been working all day to meet the needs of your children. When you come home, she feels that she needs to meet your emotional needs as well. Many times, at least for me, there was nothing left to give.
I think what she needs, most of all is your support and understanding. Try to appreicate her for all she has done with your kids. Help her. Be with her, in a non-sexual way. She cares for others all day and needs someone to care for her.
I also felt very, very, very, guilty about the feelings and reactions I had towards my husbands advances. I knew that I was hurting him very badly. I knew he needed me too but, I just could not feel romantic towards him. I never stopped loving him but the flame definitely went out.
I could go on and on, but I wont since this thread is so full and this is off topic. Please feel free to email me if you want to discuss this further.
One reccomendation I have is for both of you to read "The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood" by Kathleen Kendal-Tackett. It really helped me realize that what I was doing and feeling was very normal.
I was fortunate that my husband was patient and remained faithful. It did finally pay off.
Good luck, and (((HUGS)))
Danielle
I totally agree with your position.
If your husband cheated on you, you wouldn't think he is more at fault than the OW?
The offender may not know how to aproach the issue, or it is not received by the SO or understood and dealt with properly by one or both.
I am currently on the edge of this situation and seeing a therapist. But if the SO does not want to cooperate and solve or come to a compromise with the issues at hand....then I will have an affair. Someone will want me for me. And appreciate me for me.
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