Who is more to blame in having an affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Who is more to blame in having an affair
144
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 11:03am

Who is more to blame in having an affair



  • The "other" woman/man
  • The one who is in a relationship
  • Both parties involved are equally responsible


You will be able to change your vote.



bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 8:48pm

Some day, when you're married, or in a relationship, and you find out your partner has been cheating, come back and tell us how you feel THEN. I'm sure you'll be happy to know that the 3rd party meant you no disrespect, and that will make it all okay!


Ok I'm back, I've been married now for 7 years now and my opinion stands... Current Debates (open marriage post) my husband was with someone else, as was I. He had been what I thought to be low libido and things had gotten worse for us, turned out he was

  

   who_reallyknows

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 10:15pm

"If everyone liked the same thing, we'd all be killed in the rush for it"

  

   who_reallyknows

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 10:51pm
""""""""I don't think it's the same situation, and in a way this goes to my point. Just because my bf likes to have sex with another woman once in a while, that's not cheating -- he isn't trying to hide it. It would just be ridiculous to be mad at her -- she hasn't done anything to me ... she did not wedge her way into our relationship; AFAIK she knew him before I did. Nor have I ever felt a desire to call her up and gang up on my bf. I just don't think he has done anything wrong. There have been no lies told. It's not illegal, immoral or fattening: he just likes to cum, and he enjoys being around women, and that's that! '"""""""""""""."


After this statement, I feel even more justified in describing you as a sociopath. That is not a pejorative term. It's a term used to describe ardently antisocial behavior by people who have no appreciation fot the prevailing moral standards in society. I would hazard to say that, if you pitched THE ABOVE EXPLANATION to the general public, you would would be hard-pressed to find one person in 20 who agreed with your position. Yours is a polar point of view that is at odds with common conceptions of basic decency. That you see nothing wrong with it despite the fact that it is so widely regarded as base and vile is a symptom of a sociopathic personality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 11:14pm
Christy, what you can or can't live with is your own business and I won't pass judgement on it.

But if you are having unprotected sex with a man who is obviously not in a monogamous relationship with you, you MUST ask what he is doing about protecting YOU from STDs. He likes to have sex with other women and you probably don't know about more than a few. If he cares about you - even as just a friend - he will protect you. He should. And if he won't, then YOU do it. You certainly can't be so shy about sex that you can't ask him.

You say you can live with it. But that's what you're taking a chance with - your LIFE, if you don't stop this foolishness and start insisting that he use protection when he is with you. Because odds are, he's not using it with them. Please please PLEASE, take care of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 12:31am
A BIT worried about STD's? You should be a LOT worried about them. If he doesn't use condoms with you, then he does't use them with her and chances are he's not the only man in her life......so in effect, you're having sex with a pretty large group of people.

Also, you keep saying it doesn't bother you...so why do you try not to "THINK" about it? Be honest with yourself, it does bother you, but if you want him, you accept the crumbs he wants to give you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 1:31am
> but if you want him, you accept the crumbs he wants to give you.

I guess so. I do want him and very much enjoy being around him, that's about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 1:40am
?? "base and vile"?? I'm sure you're taking this _way_ over the top.

All I said is I'm not particularly miffed at my bf's other lover. I'm sure as we get more into this it will become a regular, monogamous relationship. Again, given the choice between

1. bf lying and cheating on me,

and

2. bf having another lover once every couple of weeks but not lying about it in any fashion,

... I'd certainly take #2. I don't get why you think this other woman has wronged me. She didn't steal my man. Of course I'm not thrilled about it from a strictly emotional POV, but because I'm not fired up and ready to kill her, I'm suddenly a sociopath???!!!

I'm totally normal ... the well-educated girl next door to a T. Lemme ask you ... are you prone to fits of exaggeration?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 1:51am
Christy, these are considered personal attacks this poster is giving you. You can report this person if you feel attacked, just use the report link on any of their posts. I am not sure they are going to let up on you.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 3:00am
It's fine ... that's what these boards are for is giving opinions lol. But seriously, I'm not sure what this poster would have me do, I'm really not. Do something bad to the other woman because she apparently spreads her legs once in a while for a guy I care about? Break up with him? As to the former, that's just off the reservation; I'm a peaceable sort. As to the latter, I absolutely love hanging out -- and making out -- with him why on earth would I. To be Gandhi-like about it, I'm sure that's pretty much what she must feel as well. Sleaziness on the part of a man in my book is lying, it's not necessarily having an erection and wanting to share it with someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 3:22am
<>

-In this context it is a perjorative term. Not only that, but it isn't applicable. No reasonable person would ever suggest that her situation makes her a sociopath. lol. I think that you have a pretty skewed view of the moral standards of society. Just because you can stretch a situation to fit a plaigarized abridged dictionary definition, doesn't make it true. I diagnose you as a reckless exagerator.

<>? lol. Who says that? My professional opinion: you should cut back on the Billy Graham, and maybe the caffeine too. Maybe you should take your silly moral outrage and apply it somewhere else where you're not maliciously attacking people for their legitimate opinions.

-phat

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