Who is more to blame in having an affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Who is more to blame in having an affair
144
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 11:03am

Who is more to blame in having an affair



  • The "other" woman/man
  • The one who is in a relationship
  • Both parties involved are equally responsible


You will be able to change your vote.



bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:42am
It has been my experience that women who say/believe that most men will and do cheat haven't had a partner who was faithful in the long term, and therefore are jealous of those who do have that type of partner. To admit that many men can and do stay faithful is to admit their inability to find a committed partner and sustain that relationship.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:47am
That's a more elegant way of saying what i was trying to. The cheatee has something to do with it all for sure, in most cases by far, I would guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 8:01am

<<1) Really in love with their wife and trying to save their marriage


#1 is what I've been saying or trying to say


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 8:46am
Who is more the 'cause' for the affair? There is only one answer. The spouse. They 'caused' the affair, and are 100% responsible and accountable. As someone else said 'it takes two' so it would only take one NOT to participate for it not to happen--the spouse.

I would never tolerate cheating whether it be a one-night-stand or a full-blown affair. My SO is fully aware of my stance on the issue, and understands that if he makes that choice, he loses me. It wouldn't matter if we've been together for two or thirty years, it would be over. If having sex with someone else is more valuable to him than I am, then that really doesn't say much about how he feels about me.

People who cheat and deceive their SO's are stealing their SO's free will. They're so selfish that they not only want the benefits of the affair, but they want the benefits of their other life without any regard for how their SO might make different choices if they were aware of the affair. How can someone make love to their wife after coming back from having sex with someone else? I can't imagine the horror that a spouse might feel after finding out that their spouse had an affair? That I HAD/WAS FORCED to believe that this man who is pumping away on top of me is the man that I love and respect and believe him to be. Talk about being made a fool and being duped. ugh!

There will always be women/men who are willing to have sex with a married person. However, it is the sole responsibility of the spouse to remain faithful. It is a choice--theirs and theirs alone.




Edited 9/8/2004 8:50 am ET ET by sexismyforte

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 9:21am
Well, I expect that in our case it is choice #1

"1) Really in love with their wife and trying to save their marriage"

he has no religious hang ups and he certianly could have found some.

I guess my piont is that a marriage can be good, and monogomous, even when the sex is not great. Fortunately, our relationship is based on more than just sex.

if he had an affair during those years it would have been no more forgivable than it would be now that my libido has returned. We made a commitment to eachother. It is understood that if either of us needs to be with someone else, we should be respectful to the other and leave first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 9:25am
sexismyforte,

Great response, you said it better than I could. That is exactly how I feel about infidelity as well, and dh knows this.

Danielle

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 10:05am
WOW you said it would be inappropreate to call the home of the wife and "interfer with their relationship...But you would have no problom boinking the husband...this attitude is ... well... it just is unbelievable! If the 3rd party knowingly has an affair or even a one nighter with a married man, then the 3rd party is just as guilty and just as dispicable as the cheater. No wonder, with attitudes like this out there,marriages are in trouble.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 12:12pm
Give me a break- you actually are going to blame the wife- if her husband decides to betray her? Do you also believe people who are raped ask for it? Its the same disturbing logic if you ask me
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:24pm
"All I know is the majority of men DO seek sex outside their marriages"

Please don't judge all men based on the lowest common denominator. That's as bad and sexist and demeaning as saying the majority of women don't like sex but just 'put up with it' for their partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:52pm
Those were my thoughts exactly.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Pages