Who is more to blame in having an affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Who is more to blame in having an affair
144
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 11:03am

Who is more to blame in having an affair



  • The "other" woman/man
  • The one who is in a relationship
  • Both parties involved are equally responsible


You will be able to change your vote.



bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:52pm


Well, you know the BBC reported that women are only 8% behind men in terms of infidelity. The BBC also reported that up to 1 in 10 children are born where the husband is not the biological father. Yeah... that's great.

I was on a message board where they were discussing this very subject and all the women seem to agree that deceiving the man was in the best interest of the child. Of course, I disagreed that it was wrong to deceive anyone, but I was immeadiately labeled and insensitive pig.

So, quite honestly, I think women are just as bad as men in this category. Men just aren't as careful and calculating as women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 4:57pm
I agree with the don't call. After all, my phone is a highly personal instrument, unlike my DH's penis...;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 5:13pm
LOL......we women do have our priorities.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 5:49pm
You said:

"All I know is the majority of men DO seek sex outside their marriages -- even if it's just a couple times, several times, or just once. They cannot seem to resist the urge."

Is THIS what you meant?

"All I know is the majority of men DO seek sex outside their marriages -- even if it's just a couple times, several times, or just once. cannot seem to resist the urge."

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 6:38pm
OK. It's still partly unclear to me why the third person is committing a wrong, but I see your point.

But what of the more common situation of, the guy's married but says he's single, the woman sleeps with him and then she finds out about the wife. Is the third person less at fault if she is lured into bed with the guy a few times, then she starts really liking him, then he tells her about his wife, but by then she just shrugs and keeps on having sex with him? This is said to happen, for example, on the online dating sites regularly ... men who are married say they're single and get into relationships acting as such. Is she a bad person if she keeps it up with him? I think it's a hard question.

Believe me, I've never done anything of the sort. I'm just trying to figure out how I would deal with it.

(BTW, I do know some very very nice, normal women who somehow or other have ended up dating married men -- I'm not sure it's -that- outrageous or unusual.)


Edited 9/8/2004 6:59 pm ET ET by x_christy_la

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 7:08pm
Just because Jane and John slept together and developed a relationship of their own, doesn't mean its cool or okay to disrespect the other relationship that was there FIRST. Now if you disagree, thats fine, no harm done. But I believe what I said here is pretty close to what the others were trying to say, so I'm just posting this in hopes that it at least makes sense and am not posting it as a right or a wrong.

Some of us feel that its more appropriate to show respect for the relationship that already existed rather than moving in on someone else's turf, REGARDLESS. Others have all the room in the world to argue from the point of view that its the decision and that makes it okay.

Again, we could go back and forth all month on it, but thats not why I'm posting this. I'm just making both points of views clear from the way I see it.

I remind anyone else out there though...if you believe in what the decides as opposed to respecting the relationship that already existed, and believe in using the that the cheater doesn't respect it anyway, then keep this in mind:

Sometimes committed grow weak or weary of the relationships they have, and its our decisions to either PREVENT further damage to those relationships or to PROMOTE further damage for our own personal gain out of the situation. This does NOT excuse cheaters, but the cheaters' decisions do not excuse the rest of us when we have the choice to either help mend or help separate them. Just because some relationships not work out anyway is also an excuse many try to selfishly use as well.

We all have choices. Mine is pretty clear and I'm very blessed to be married to THIS lady of mine because of that.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 7:32pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 8:17pm
I would just have a problem with taking something that isn't mine to take - or even worse, already belongs to someone else. I *really* have a problem with being intimate with someone who has taken vows to be faithful to someone else, whether they respect those vows or not is beyond my control yes, but I don't have to *help* them.

I try to do unto others....etc etc. Whether everyone else chooses to do that is their problem. I will not let other's bad behavior dictate my own and I will not succumb to the old 'well everyone else is doing it' theory. Call it morality, righteousness, prudity, whatever. At the end of the day, I have to be ok with what *I* do and I want to be proud of my actions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 8:37pm
How can you even compare the two? Really now. It takes to tango, am I right? If the wife isn't giving her husband any attention, she shouldn't be surprised if he strays. It's her fault to a certain extent, yes. Absolutely. Two-way street baby.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 8:41pm
That's my opinion based on my own life experiences. If you don't agree with it, I don't care!

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