why am i so uncomfortable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
why am i so uncomfortable?
3
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 7:39pm

I am 20 yrs old my boyfrend and i have been together for 2 month and about a month ago i stopped being intrested in sex.when my boyfriend comes onto me i push him away, i cannot incieate sex and the only time i am into it is after we start doing it, i cant tell him he's not doing something right cause i get embarrassed. i am sooo uncomfortable talking about sex that i cant even look him in the eye if he mentions anything. exspecially in public. i dont understand why this happens or why i do this. please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 10:19pm

Are you no longer interested in sex because you're not getting pleasure from it, he's not doing what you need, your are inhibited,


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 10:08am
You indicate that you always do this. Does this happen in every relationship or just this one? Do you have issues with your body or sex in general? What is he not doing right? Do you still care about this BF or do you think you've fallen out of like or love and are being overly critical now? You'll have to answer some of those questions for yourself to determine if the issue is this relationship or you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 11:03am

Moonpie,

There are a variety of reasons that you could be having problems with sex. If you had an upbringing that never talked about sex or if you associate sex with being "bad" than this can inhibit your natural drive. Or at the extreme a history of sexual abuse.

HOWEVER assuming that the above is not the case, my guess is the problem is much simpler: At 20 years old, you may not be ready for sex. If you can't talk openly about it with someone you are intimate with, you probably shouldn't be doing it. Your body is telling you that there is a problem...listen to it. Often the body is wiser than the mind because the mind can be tricked into holding all sorts of beliefs that are conditioned rather than truth. There is no shame in this, we are all ready for things at different times. The media and peers may say that you are "ready" for sex at 16 or 18 or whatever, but everyone is different. Check in with yourself to find out if sex is what you want, or what you THINK you should want...there is a vast difference.

I would recommend taking a break from sexual activity that makes you uncomfortable. Kiss, pet, snuggle and become more aquainted with your boyfriend (2 months is really a short time). Learn how your body works and what it is ready for and what it is not ready for. Trust your body to tell you what you are ready for and what you are not ready for. Go with that.

Good luck...I'm SURE that this is just a little bump in the road; an opportunity to learn more about yourself.

Peace,
Scott.