Why are facials degrading?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Why are facials degrading?
113
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 8:28pm
I have seen many posts that describe facials as degrading to a woman. Why is that? I've always asked a partner if I could cum on her body before I did it, and wouldn't do it without permission. What is it, though, that makes a facial particularly objectionable? I don't see where it's any more degrading than cumming in her mouth, or on her breasts, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:37pm
Considering how many men have trouble hitting the mark when they pee, the poor trajectory explanation would seem to have some validity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 1:00am
I love respectful guys! Your story cheers me to no end because I usually hear the reverse (guys wanting women to tolerate personally or morally repulsive things so they can get off on it--blech!). I knew my SO was a keeper when he looked me square in the eye one day and told me he would be really p*ssed if I ever compromised myself in any way for his benefit. Love and respect are totally the sexiest qualities in the world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:19am

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:20am

A lot of women have been demeaned and degraded, Rice. So, I'm sure many of those women will have sexual issues to deal with from those experiences.

However, within a healthy, respectful relationship, with a partner they love and trust, most things will be negotiable. But personal boundaries should always be respected.....whether you agree with them or not.

And I don't think you can assume to know the INTENT behind any act of another man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:29am

No, it's not that. I think it's because:

1. Guys love to watch men orgasm, they may not admit it (Sexuality concerns!?) but it's true.

2. Guys like to look at women's faces.

So the two kind of go hand in hand. I've met a lot of guys who loved porn, but not for any domination or humiliation aspect to it.

 

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:40am
What you say may be true to some extent but there is a REASON why there is so much aggression/domination themes in porn today and why it seems to be so prevalent. The reason? It SELLS. It's appealing to someone or it wouldn't be makiing so much money for the pornographers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 7:55pm

Some men may like to watch other guys ejaculate, but that still doesn't excuse targeting the face. There are plenty of opportunities in porn to view the woman's facial expressions--I think that's part of the fun, too. I love seeing both genders laughing and moaning and just having a fabulous time, but I don't want to see anyone, male or female, getting blasted in the face with cum. I do think there's an element of "Wow, this chickie loves cum so much she wants to bathe in it" for some guys.

I also think there are some guys watching this stuff, getting a kick out of it, and the dominance/submission overtones never occur to them. We've all done it. I mean, we've all derived moments of pleasure from activities, movies, TV shows, music, etc., that are degrading to someone to some degree, but these subtle themes with profound social ramifications completely escape us at the time. We're just sitting back passively and taking it in, we aren't analyzing it. Just like kids who are now being taught to think critically about the commercials they see instead of taking it all in passively, thereby affecting their opinions and desires on a subconscious level. We now know that excessive violence in movies, shows, video games does have a detrimental effect on society, it does facilitate and feed into violent impulses. There's a lot of denigrating crap in porn, porn is easily accesible these days, it's prolific and mainstream, and now there's this pandemic disrespectful attitude toward women--a learned propensity for thinking of and treating women like living, breathing blow-up dolls and sex objects (emphasis on "objects") rather than human beings with feelings and needs who are deserving of kindness, consideration, and esteem. I see it *everywhere*, from the street to the office. It's in the way guys BS about women, the way they treat their women, and their expectations. It's in the way so many guys these days are more concerned with getting their partner/lover/f*ck buddy to fulfill their fantasies than with satisfying her. It's in the way they lack concern or respect for their partner's needs and boundaries. It's in the way a lot of guys admire women who are willing to acquiesce to their desires without thinking about whether or not they're exploiting someone's need for approval and validation. It's in the selfishness and the language (why are so many women referred to as "wh*res", "sl*ts", and "b*tches" in porn?) and the general attitudes. There is something seriously wrong today with the interactions between a great many men and women and it isn't going to get better until we *all* start to think critically about what we're seeing in pornography. And I'm not bashing all of it, because there are a lot of real gems out there, but I'm sick and tired of having to cull through all the crap to find them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:05am
hey
from a womans point of view who has a wonderful partner, let me ask you do you respect the woman? and her wishes?
when i was giving my bf oral and didn't feel upto swallowing that night, he was worried about where to blow, he was fine with going on himself, but i insisted that he try doing it on my breast. When he finally agreed to it, watching the guilt in his face, and hearing him say this is so wrong, i was fine with it because i love him and feel comfortable with him. but when i asked him what was wrong he said he felt so disrespectful and horrible for the way he treated me, even though it was me who suggested it. i had to ensure him that i was ok, and we don't have to do it again.
so perhaps you're not understanding that not every guy thinks the same as you, so why should you be justified in expecting that nothing is wrong with it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 11:40am

I think if you look at it logically, you may find your answer....

How many people like having anything spewed on their face? Even a pie in the face is meant to humiliate isn't it; even if it is done in fun? What else do we accept on our faces? I can't think of much. It's sort of a sacred ground....it's almost as though it represents us as a "person." We use our faces for expressing who we are, for breeding familiarity and inciting feelings from others.

You can never know the intent of another person or in what context they are performing an act. In a loving trusting relationship, you would hope that the person isn't wanting to degrade you....but the truth of the matter is that no matter what, having something spewed intentionally on the face is somewhat humiliating. The fact that a partner would ask you or want to do this act, in and of itself, can make a person feel humiliated, evne if the other is not intentionally trying to degrade. Do you really think that these young women who are having casual sex are doing this because they enjoy it? No, I think they are doing it to please men, even if it means being humiliated.

My husband has expressed this fantasy many times over the years. I have been with him for 28 years and even though I have told him that it's fine with me, he cannot bring himself to do it. He too feels that it is a disrespectful act. I do want to fulfill his fantasy, but I will not say that I'm not somewhat happy that he feels this way.

The fact is, is that semen has to come out -- there's no doubt about it. I want the man I'm with to know that I accept all of him and do not want him to feel ashamed in any way....and I think that many women feel this way as well. But a facial is going beyond that acceptance....because as I mentioned there's little else anyone would tolerate on their face. Which is why we cannot understand why some men do not feel the same way (not wanting her to feel humiliated). Which is why, I think, by default--many women see it as degrading.




Edited 8/11/2006 12:58 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 1:59pm

The few times I have engaged in this act I didn't find it degrading, but it didn't turn me on either. In all honesty, the feeling I associate with this act is boredom. Because those times I just found myself patiently waiting for the guy to come while having to be careful that he doesn't get his come in my eyes (which is quite painful). Maybe if I had some goggles I would have had a better time.

I also think the men were not thinking about degrading me, but were more looking for 'total submission' meaning the comforting openness that you feel when you know you could do anything with your partner. of course there is an underlying trust that neither of you would want to hurt the other physically or emotionally, and maybe that is why I didn't find it degrading. In any event, it was just one of those things to try out and wasn't repeated.

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