Why are facials degrading?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Why are facials degrading?
113
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 8:28pm
I have seen many posts that describe facials as degrading to a woman. Why is that? I've always asked a partner if I could cum on her body before I did it, and wouldn't do it without permission. What is it, though, that makes a facial particularly objectionable? I don't see where it's any more degrading than cumming in her mouth, or on her breasts, etc.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 1:25am

" For most men...." How do you know that? AGAIN with the massive generalizations! THIS is my primary complaint with you, Rice.

You just assume that every man has had the same lousy experiences that YOU have. WRONG!

My husband has never had any problems getting women to touch him ANYWHERE. In fact, when he made the conscious choice not to engage in intercourse before marriage, he had girls throwing themselves at him! And after we were married, he actually had a coworker offer to have sex with him and keep it secret. Have you never met one of THOSE women?

Personally, I have always been a very curious and generous lover in that I want to experience all aspects of lovemaking....which means GIVING to my partner as much as I receive. And I'm not bragging nor do I believe that I am unique in this way in the least. Most of the women I know say the same thing. I can't imagine anything more boring than to lie there doing nothing.

But since your assumptions and reactions to women have not served you well over the years.....I would think you would have attempted to change them LONG ago.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 1:48am
just wanted to mention that women are still 'the gatekeepers'. i always hated being in this position because i usually also wanted to have sex. it was very frustrating indeed and to some degree i resented having to be the one to do it. the reason it's important that someone plays the gatekeeper even for a little bit is that if you have sex right away it's likely to skew the way you relate. men are infamous for pushing for sex right away and then not calling afterwards because they are not ready or can't deal with the emotional aspects of having sex. women tend not to separate the physical and emotional aspects of sex as much as men, which can result in them getting repeatedly hurt if they don't play the gatekeeper role.
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Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 8:56am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 1:13pm

Well, women HAVE to be the "gatekeepers" when it comes to sex because we can be left with a lifelong "dividend" to the experience. Women MUST be more discretionary about sex and our partners because we're the ones to give birth.

We've all seen those women who choose not to be the gatekeepers.....they have several children by several different fathers.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 1:51pm
birth control is pretty good these days. a condom can be a pretty good gatekeeper if we're only talking about pregnancy. in my opinion gatekeeping has more to do with the emotional aspects of sex and maintaining relationships, rather than pregnancy.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 2:50pm

I agree but the gatekeeping BEGAN centuries ago for more practical reasons, especially since women didn't expect too much from a partner in the way of intimate or emotional contributions to a relationship.

Women simply didn't expect a partner be emotionally involved in the sex act. The most they could hope for was that the father would stay around to raise the resulting children. So, the expectations have changed dramatically over the centuries, so have the reasons for the gatekeeping.

And as sophisticated and reliable as birth control may be these days, it's not 100% so there will always be a risk of pregnancy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 10:05pm

I based my assumptions not just on my experiences, but on that of my friends, as well as my readings on the subject, just as everyone here does. I don't see how my extrapolations are any more invalid than those by women who claim that 'Most women love and enjoy sex' just because they do.

BTW, the second most common complaint that I've heard from my friends, after "She's never in the mood." has been "I wish she would touch me like I touch her", or words to that effect. Maybe I didn't understand what they were talking about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 10:36pm

"Do you think that girls enjoyed saying that?"

Yes

"Do you think that girls didn't want to have sex?"

Yes

"Do you think that girls enjoyed having to always be the gatekeepers and the one's to have to stop the groping hands?"

Yes.

You're missing the point I was trying to make. If a girl was uncomfortable with what was happening, all she had to do was say "No", or "Stop", or "Don't" and most guys would understand and would respect her wishes. The only reason she would say something that would make him feel guilty about what he had done would be if that was her intent.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:56pm
Well, gee, all the studies I've read lately have stated that low libido is a real problem.....for MEN. It seems that that isn't just an issue with women at all. And from what I've read, my own experiences & those of my friend's, that is the case.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:59pm
Or perhaps SHE was made to feel guilty from a early age for having and enjoying sexual feelings. It can be as simple as passing on negative reinforcement.

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