Why can't I enjoy sex???
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Why can't I enjoy sex???
| Mon, 05-28-2007 - 9:52pm |
I have a wonderful boyfriend who is just great to me. He tries his best to please me in anyway. I just can't enjoy sex with him. He's not the first one either. Its been that way for a while. He is pleased and I'm happy about that, but I want to share it also. I feel when he is in me of course, but I just feel the pressure of him being in me, no pleasure. Also when he "goes down" on me, I can't take it. My clitoris is major sensitive I guess and I usually can't take any touch. Is there something wrong with my vagina??

Welcome to the board caramelcutie2007.
I think there are a lot of questions I would ask before giving you too much advice. Have you enjoyed the pleasurable feelings with past lovers? Are you able to orgasm while masturbating? Have you tried to show your lover what you need -- the way you need to be stimulated? Is your sexual relationship fairly young?
So many things can play into the problem(s) that you mention. It's very difficult to advise you based on what's here. There is a great site, the-clitoris.com, that is filled with information about the female genitals. One thing that is always recommended is that you discover ways to pleasure yourself, and then share them with your lover.
If you want, you can post more info here. I'm sure other members will be along with advice as well. I hope you also look at the website I mentioned. It really does contain a great deal of information, in an easy to understand manner.
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Have you tried alternative positions to missionary?
The WOT (woman on top) may give you the control you need to find a more pleasurable way to enjoy your partner.
Your clitoral sensitivity is not uncommon. Some women do not enjoy direct stimulation until they are well past being fully aroused. Does he go right for it or does he slowly lead up to it with a lot of careful foreplay
Mrs P
What do you mean "I don't enjoy sex"? Do you mean you dislike it, and would rather be doing something else, or do you mean you don't think that you get the pleasure that you're supposed to be getting. Have you ever had an orgasm? Don't you feel excitement when you're about to have sex? Does he give you enough foreplay? Foreplay doesn't have to be ONLY clitoral stimulation.....it can be kissing you all over, breast and nipple play, oral stimulation of the clitoral area......manual vaginal stimulation.....anything that gets you "excited" and wanting to have sex.
There's nothing wrong with your vagina. The vagina has little or no nerve endings inside it except for the "g" spot. No nerve endings, very little feeling. The vagina is not really your main sexual organ. It's your brain and your clitoris. The clitoris is where most women get their orgasms. Maybe you're not all that sensitive, maybe he's being too rough? Does he give you oral stimulation.....that is usually much more "gentle" than using his fingers....and does he use a little lubrication on his fingers, if that's what he does? That helps a lot with the sensitivity.
For more information about your body, check out www.the-clitoris.com which explains a lot about how to get more pleasure.
Ok, so what you're saying is that since you feel little or nothing, why bother?
That's what I was trying to explain to you. First there is the "mindset". You go into it expecting to be bored, so you are. There ARE pleasures to sexual activities....but you have to look for them. There is the pleasure of "giving", meaning pleasing him. But more than that, if you allow yourself to, you should be enjoying what he's doing to you. That doesn't mean that you're screaming and yelling, that the "earth will move", it doesn't even mean that you'll have an orgasm, but you WILL have pleasure. Maybe part of the problem is that HE doesn't understand the female body....he doesn't understand the importance of foreplay, and he's just going for the intercourse (which is the main goal for many men....for THEIR pleasure).
If you're just turning everything off, then you're not going to enjoy it, and yes, you might as well be reading a book or watching TV. Have you had any sexual traumas in your past (rape, molestation as a child)? That can be something that's bothering you subconsciously. Were you taught that sex was dirty and nasty? That can bother many adults, even though they know that's not true, it's hard to overcome childhood teachings.
Whatever your problem is, it's NOT your vagina.....it's between your ears. You aren't ALLOWING yourself to get pleasure. Or your partner(s) are/have been very inept at giving you pleasure. Again, check out that website, and also have your b/f read it, particularly the part about foreplay. This is something that you can figure out, if you want to. You have to want to.
I think you are having difficulties with arousal. If you don't know what to expect, but you are waiting to "feel" something, then you are not following the correct course. First, you have to get your mind into it. You need to want to share the intimacy. Your clitoris will remain too sensitive if you are not properly aroused as well.
It sounds as if you are waiting for him to please you. He can work on you until the cows come home, and if you are not there mentally, it's not going to get you anywhere. Your pleasure begins in your mind -- it has little to do with what he can do. It's your anticipation and desire that starts the build up of arousal. He can meet your needs, but first, you have to determine what your needs are. Have you ever had a fantasy or read something that makes you wet? Those are the types of places you have to take your mind to begin the arousal process.
Sakura and I have both given you a link to the-clitoris.com. Please read it, I think it will explain a lot to you.
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