Why do I feel like this about sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Why do I feel like this about sex?
2
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 5:42pm

I have a boyfriend since two months. I know that's not a long time and we haven't had sex yet. I'm a virgin and he says I'm worth the wait. But we have had our talks about sex.
My fears when it comes to sex is mostly pregnancy and simply letting go and do this.
I feel I will always be afraid the first time even though I love the guy, I will always feel a little scared. I can't say I love this guy yet since it's only been two months but I defiitely car about him and like him a lot and so does he.

I feel ready to have sex even though I'm a little scared, you know I don't know what it will be like and it will always be like this.

My bf and I were talking about sex the other night and the use of protection. He hates condoms, he says he doesn't feel anything with a condom on and that sex is meaningless for him with condoms. But that we could try with condom till I find a good protection. He says that he's really into sex. He have had a few girlfriends before, I don't know exactly how many but he said the number he's been with is under 10. But I still think that's a lot.
I don't know if this holds me back. That he's so experienced and has had a lot of girlfriends, and he's only 23. I guess I need someone to tell me that this is normal and that there are worse guys. I know he's almost never had any one night stands and that he's always wanted a gf. I know there are much worse guys who only have one night stands all the time. My earlier boyfriends have also been quite unexperienced and haven't had a lot of experience.

Sex has always been a big deal for me, I don't know why. But I want to find out what it's like. I'm 21 and it feels like I'm too old to be a virgin. I haven't actually told him I'm a virgin but I'm not afraid to do it.
Should I just tell him that I feel nervous because he's so experienced and knows everything and talks so openly about sex?

I just have a hard time seeing myself having a lot of sex and be on the pill and so on. That will be a new life for me, but I want to try I really do.
I guess I'm also very afraid of anyt birth control with hormones and the affects they can have. It doens't feel very good to put hormones inside you.
What should I do? I really like this guy and someday I want to have sex with him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 6:42pm

By your post, my guess would be you are not ready for sex and that is fine.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 11:07am

If you're scared, then you're not ready! You've told this guy that you're scared, and not ready, but yet he keeps trying to talk you into it, just simply by talking about sex all the time.

Lots of men don't like to use condoms. But, if they want sex with an intelligent woman, they have to use condoms. He's been with several other women, and if he didn't use condoms with them (since he feels sex is meaningless with a condom), then he could have some kind of disease from them. Even if you were on birth control, he would still need to use a condom unless he's got proof from a doctor that he doesn't have any STD's. He can have several kinds with NO symptoms, so even he doesn't know without the tests.

You're scared, but he's trying very hard to talk you into it. Do not let him do that, or you will regret it. You say you "like" him, but that's not a reason to have sex. You've only known him for two months, and that means that you really don't know him yet. You're afraid because he has so much "experience"? Just because he's had sex with several women doesn't mean that he knows what he's doing, or that he understands womens bodies. Experience doesn't mean knowledge. A man can be with 100 women, and never please any of them!

When you're really ready, you won't be scared. There is no such thing as being "too old" to be a virgin. Being a virgin at any age only means that there has been no one in your life that is worthy of giving your virginity to. Just because you feel too old to be a virgin isn't a good reason to have sex with anyone. If he really cares about you, then he will wait as long as it takes, and he will NOT be constantly trying to talk you into it.