Why do I still sleep with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Why do I still sleep with him?
5
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 7:58pm
I've been having sex with a man I am not committed to for over a year and half now, on and off. Recently I have decided that the sex is no longer good and pleasurable for me, but still can't seem to stop sleeping with him. I have tried in the past, but found it hard to not, afterall that's all we've done everytime we've seen each other. I don't know how to stop or why I feel I still have urges when I'm around him. Should I cut him out of my life completely or should I just learn how to control these urges? Do the urges mean i still want to? Ah! Help! Anyone been in this situation or have any advice to offer up, it'd be greatly appreciated, thanks! - Bunny
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 8:20pm
all he's good for is sex and even that's not good!? cut him off, deal with the withdrawls and find yourself someone that offers you something better. nothing is as valuable as your time and you are wasting it!!!!

girl, time to reflect on your self-confidence issues, cause that's obviously what's kept you there for so long. i hope you realize being in no relationship is better than what you've got going now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 8:26pm
That's a long time to be involved with someone, even if it was just for sex. My guess is you built up some feelings for him over this time. Not necessarily love, but perhaps you care for him or are just very comfortable with him. Try finding some hobbies or activities to occupy your time, you may even meet someone new that way :o)

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 8:27pm
If you're not committed and the sex is not good, then what is it that you keep going back for more?

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:56am
If you came here and said "I hit myself over the head with a hammer, and it hurts, but I keep hitting myself anyway".....the answer would be to STOP DOING IT!

The question is why don't you stop? It's not a committed relationship, you don't enjoy it, the sex isn't fulfilling.....so what's the problem? Don't you think you're worth anything better? Do you feel that a lousy man is better than no man at all?

He's obviously NOT someone you want to be with. As long as you ARE with him, you'll never look for someone who IS right for you. Maybe you feel that you won't find anyone else? Guess what, you'll like yourself a lot better if you get him out of your life! Learn to be happy with yourself first, then you'll be able to find someone who will make you even happier. Work on your self respect and self esteem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:53pm
That sounds kinda odd. I mean, if the sex is no longer "good or pleasurable" to you as you say, that would be enough for me to stop going to bed with him. I could see if you were married to the guy or in a committed type of relationship, but it doesn't sound like that is the case. I would think that even for a man, if the sex was not pleasurable any longer that he, too, would just move on.