Why do some guys do this

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Why do some guys do this
48
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 5:27pm

Okay, this really isn't a sex question but I guess more about attraction and I am just trying to figure out why some guys do this and some don't.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 5:42pm

While I'm sure these compliments made you feel great at the time, I just don't appreciate when a man-I don't know-approaches me like that. Especially when I'm alone somewhere. My first concern is always my personal safety and I don't think it's overstating the potential for danger in those situations. Even when you're in a public place, things happen. We hear about it all the time. Bad guys can look harmless and often use flattery to get a victim's guard down.

I just don't know why a stranger would take the chance that his overture could be misconstrued. Not a wise move, IMO. My DH would never and has never done that either.




Edited 11/17/2005 5:44 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 5:49pm

I know after the guy at Lowes said something to people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 7:27pm

So what is it that makes some guy say it.


The answer is confidence.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 10:30pm

You seem to be assuming that every woman has had only positive, or at least, benign experiences in being approached this way though. Not so.

You have to remember that there are MANY past abuse victims, rape victims, stalking victims, and people who are distrustful of strangers for a good reason. Many trusted a stranger when they shouldn't have. And that's the problem, we don't know who's the bad guy and who isn't.

I was stalked in college by a flattering stranger. Believe me, the intent isn't always good or harmless.

I certainly don't think most women feel wary of strangers for no reason though.




Edited 11/17/2005 10:44 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 10:34pm
You must be an attractive woman! Beautiful women can cause us to act a little corny (or is it horny?).
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 10:54pm

<>

I believe that, unless the comment is offensive or if she knows the individual to be a sex offender, she should, in all charity, accept the comment as a compliment. Not everybody is Jack the Stripper.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:40pm

First all the polls from Cornuto, and now this question. From all her questions, it makes me think that strangers are always commenting on something physical about her! Now you say the same thing!

I can't imagine that happening at all. I've been in situations like a bar or a party where I'd overhear two men talking, and it's obvious it's about me, but they never spoke to me directly. The closest I've ever come to that was many years ago in a bar a man sitting next to me commented on my beautiful "manicure"......I'd just thrown a coat of polish on my nails, ordinary, not extremely long nails. I thanked him. What else can you do?

I can't think of any reason for a guy to do that, unless they're "hitting on you". Is it possible it was the kind of clothes you were wearing? Low cut top, or very short skirt?Unless they became obnoxious, and wouldn't go away, I guess I'd take it as a compliment!

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:50pm

I'm well aware of that Kat, believe me.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:51pm

And not every guy is Wally Cleaver either! LOL! That's the problem, as I've already said, you don't know who the bad guys are.

Sorry but I'm not too concerned about hurting a stranger's feelings. He may or may not have innocent intent, but he should be aware that he's taking a risk of a negative reaction by approaching a woman he doesn't know anyway.

I hate to tell you but offensive is in the EAR of the beholder, isn't it? And that's NOT for you, as a man, to decide for me or any other woman.




Edited 11/18/2005 1:02 am ET by katmandoo2001
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:56pm

My experience with the stalker WAS predicated on a one-time experience though. He wasn't obvious in his stalking until the end....when he became angry that I wasn't flattered by his initial compliments. THEN, he became nasty and threatening. And unfortunately, I've heard many stories, from friends and family, that were eerily similar.

I'm not the least threatened or offended when a man isn't trying to get something from me with a general compliment, as I've said before. IF he's just being nice then those comments are appreciated. Usually, though, they are said in hopes of starting a conversation. No harm, no foul since revealing your marital status usually does the trick! But nonetheless, the risk is always there.

I DO feel VERY uncomfortable if a strange man focuses on a body part, etc. That, to me, is never appropriate and a red flag.




Edited 11/18/2005 1:09 am ET by katmandoo2001

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