Why does it always have to be sexual?
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| Sat, 07-21-2007 - 1:13am |
I have been married for just one year. Before marriage, my husband and I had always had a good time making out, flirting, caressing, and making love. Back then, we did not see each other very often, once a week the most. Because both of us were very busy, we could only keep each other company about 3 hours the most. Thus, it seemed that whenever we were together, we were doing something sexual.
My husband has always had a habit of caressing my nipples and private area whenever we have sat next to each other watching TV ever since we met. It did not bother me before our marriage, because we did not see each other that often. Now, I feel annoyed more and more about his habit. Why can we not just appreciate "the time being together" without any sexual involvement? A couple together is much more than only sexual fulfillment. I have, however, never told him about my being annoyed by his habit. I don't know how to tell him that. I understand that men's sexual needs are different from women's, so I try not to disturb his views, feelings, needs towards sexuality. Nevertheless, I am really annoyed.
My husband also loves oral sex, and I am 99% of the time the one who is asked to perform. Sometimes, I feel ok doing it. Once in a while I feel like doing it. However, most of the time, I am asked to do it unvoluntarily. I don't know how much other men want from their wives, so I cannot say that my husband is voluptuous. Well, it does not matter what other men do to their wives; I would like to have a solution for my problem. Can anyone shed some light with me?

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Ok, now the whole story comes out. Your husband has a lot of problems, and a big part of it is ANGER. He shouldn't be in the business of "serving people"......because you don't treat your patrons that way. Now he's threatening to shoot them? That isn't how you solve problems! Neither is a loud horn! Get a "closed" sign, and put it on the drive thru window. Then do NOT go to the window if someone pulls up. Problem solved. If the "customers" create a problem, then call the police. That's what they're for....THEY handle unruly customers!
You might benefit from counseling, but it's not going to help him with his problems. It can help you learn how to deal with him, and defuse situations when they come up. You don't have to "explain" to him why you want to go to counseling. If he doesn't want to go, that's fine......but he doesn't OWN you and he can't stop you from trying to get help.
It sounds like maybe you two are from a culture where the husband is "king"......but this is America, and you have rights. You aren't his "property"! You don't have to accept being treated this way. If you're unhappy in your marriage, you have the right to try to fix things, and if that doesn't work, you have the right to get a divorce.
As the others have said, if he treats his customers this way, what will he do if he gets really angry at you? Deafen you with his horn? Shoot you? This man sounds dangerous, and you need to learn how to protect yourself.
PS: Steve tells you that you're approaching him wrong....maybe.....but no matter how you approach a man with anger problems, it will still be the wrong way. The right approach only works with people who are "normal" and sane......I don't think your husband is "normal" in any way. Take care of yourself.......he's certainly not doing it.
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