why doesn't he fit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
why doesn't he fit?
2
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 10:52pm
I recently tried to have sex with my new boyfriend, and it just didn't work out. I'm not a virgin, but I only have a couple of months of sexual experience. My new bf is larger than my last one, but not substantially bigger, so I don't see why it's so much harder. Anyway, when he tries to enter me, he just can't get in there without hurting me to the point where I just have to get him out. We are using plenty of lube and have had enough foreplay.

He's very understanding about the whole thing, and I think it bothers me a lot more than him. I just want to be able to have sex with my bf.

Does anyone have any position or other suggestions? We've tried him on top, me on top, and doggy-style so far and nothing works.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:11am
If you have to use lube, then you're probably not properly aroused. You can have hours of foreplay, but that doesn't guarantee arousal. Exactly what are you doing for foreplay? His size has nothing to do with it, unless he's abnormally huge. Your vagina can stretch enough to let a baby pass thru it, and I doubt that he's as big as an eight pound baby! But, it can ONLY stretch if you're completely relaxed, and well aroused.

Most women need lots of clitoral stimulation, oral and/or manual. When you're aroused, you'll be lubricated, and your vaginal muscles will be relaxed so that he WILL fit. Right now, you're nervous because of the pain you've had, and nervousness and arousal don't go together. You can use a whole tube of lube, if your vaginal muscles are tight, then it's going to cause pain.

The best thing you can do is to just let it go for a while, and not make it a goal. He can check with his fingers how relaxed you are, and if you're not, don't try to force it. Pain causes nervousness, nervousness causes tension, and tension causes pain. Intercourse is only a part of sexual activity, and until you can relax about it, let it go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:18am
Hi rachel!

Two ideas from the very tip of my thinking, but nothing expertise of course:

1) Keep with positions that put YOU in control of the penetration, such as you on top. As you lower yourself onto him, you'll have control of the angle and depth and everything you need to ensure you're as comfortable as possible. Doesn't mean he'll fit better necessarily, but your control will make it easier in my opinion.

2) As wonderful as intercourse is, try to be more accepting of other forms of sex as well. Oral is extremely pleasurable and other forms of foreplay can be just as exciting as well. Intercourse is the greastest for me and my wife, but we won't limit our satisfaction of each other to it. With the great replies you'll get from this message board, consider combining that with info from these other boards as well:

Sexual Health

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhgensex

Ask Dr. Ruth

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlruth

Let us know how things go, good luck!

:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

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