Why doesn’t he get it?
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Why doesn’t he get it?
| Thu, 10-28-2004 - 7:29pm |
My boyfriend just told me that he was concerned. For the past three months I have been holding back my sexual desires because he gave me no indication how he felt about me. He just told me he was concerned I couldn’t openly flirt with him and that he shut himself off because I am not aggressive and he doesn”t like to initiate alll the time. I have tried to inititate and was rejected. I didn’t want that to happen again, so I too have been distant.
We communicated our needs and I told him I needed to know how he felt in order for me to perform. Should I be reading the signs....he is just not into me? (excellent book by the way)
We communicated our needs and I told him I needed to know how he felt in order for me to perform. Should I be reading the signs....he is just not into me? (excellent book by the way)

Let's face it, it does get pretty mundane when you do all the initiating. However, if you do your share of initiating, it will make him feel desired by you. Just put yourself in his shoes for a moment: if you had to do 100% of the initiating, wouldn't you feel undesireable or unwanted?
You can't wait for him to indicate that he's horny before you initiate sex. If he's indicated that he's horny, it means that yet again he's initiated sex. Instead, when you want to have sex, act on it.
Regarding getting a knock-back if you initiate, get used to it. Hon, very few people are always ready to go any time they're asked, and it is their perogative to say "no". However, even when you ask and he's too tired, he's reassured that you desire him. Being too tired/too busy does not mean that he doesn't desire you or care for you - it just means that he's not in the mood.
In my marriage, we initiate fairly evenly - possibly I initiate a little more often. However, both of us know that we can say "no" without causing offence. And quite often, one of us does say "no".
Both of you distancing yourselves from each other is only going to make matters worse.