Why Wont He Put Out.. grrr...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Why Wont He Put Out.. grrr...
53
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 9:51pm
I am so frustrated with my boyfriend because I have NOT had a orgasm in 3 MONTHS. When we do see each other I'm pmsing so we usually do anal sex, or I give him a bj, and I SUFFER. Well he promised tonight we would see each other because we were both off tomorrow and we could spend a lot of time together. Well he text messages me saying "baby im sick, my chest is hurting, blah blah blah." And i was sooooooooooooooooo mad bc all i could think is "OMG another month without sex." Next week i start my period so even if we see each other i wont get any. I know he cant help hes sick, but its like EVERY WEEK something comes up and we cant see each other and FINALLY when we do im pmsing. I feel neglected, unwanted, and just frustrated. Most men would want to have sex even if they were half dead. Since we started dating i went from 100 pounds to 120 pounds, and its all went to my thighs n butt. I feel fat and im wondering if hes not attracted to me. He said it wasnt that and he was attracted. But how am i suppose to feel when every time we are suppose to see each other and he cancels? I just feel unwanted. When he texted me, i got so upset, that i kept getting upset at work n crying. He said he would make it up to me and he was sorry and missed me. But i just feel neglected and i just feel like ripping his clothes off n taking advantage of him. We went from having sex every week to, hardly ever because of his 3 jobs. I CANNOT wait til he quits one of them. The only way he can make this up to me is by spending a entire weekend with me, pampering me, and paying attention to me. I feel like its unfair because I MAKE SURE he gets plenty of orgasms. He got some last week when we saw each other, but i didnt bc we didn't have time or space to have sex or for him to go down on me bc he had to go to work n we was in his car. So i gave him a bj bc i wanted him pleased. I just dont think hes making the effort to please me. What do you guys think? Am i over reacting or what?

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Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 10:08pm
No you are not being selfish. He is being selfish. A real man makes sure that his SO is totally satisfied and it is obvious that you are not being satisfied. You are in a "one-way" sexual relationship that is all "his way". You have to lay the law down to him. Either you get your share of orgasms or you will be a thing of the past. Good luck!! By the way, I am a man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:48pm

This has nothing to do with sex. This has to do with the fact that he's too busy to take the time to be with you......which means he's just "not that into you". It has nothing to do with 20 pounds, it has nothing to do with PMS, it has to do with the fact that he's not interested enough to MAKE the time to see you.

You're willing to "service" him on the rare times you see him, and you're willing to do it with no reciprocation. Just out of curiousity, how many days a month are you PMSing, and why would that mean you can only have anal sex, or fellate him? You're not happy in this relationship, but you're staying in it. He's happy with things the way they are, and he'll stay as long as you put up with it.

Maybe it's time to move on to someone who IS "that into you".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 7:29am

Hi Southern Strawberry,


No, you're not over-reacting.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:05am
As far as our emotional relationship things r great, he has started to come see me more, and he does make the effort. I saw him last week and we went out to dinner n a movie and spent some time together, n i gave him a bj bc i dont want us to both suffer. Then he went back to work. We see each other its just we dont go back to the house for sex because he has to get back to work. And i really mean our emotional relationship is good, its just the physical part isnt good. I know he cares about me bc of the way he is when we talk and when we are together. But the problem is we both have to figure out arround our schedules to see each other, so we can spend the night with each other bc he has 3 jobs and im a student and i work. I've already decided he will not be getting bj or anal sex until he makes the time n effort to please me. I've told him im getting sick of him canceling when hes suppose to spend the night and i told him last night was the last night its going to happen. And he said ok and he would make it up to me. But i will not end the relationship bc we r having problems. Im not like that, i will try as hard as i can to make a relationship work and when i know its pointless i will give up. And i dont think its pointless for me to give up right now, bc i care to much about him, and i love him and i wont just end it bc sex isnt as often or great as i want it to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:16am
I have my period 7 days out of the month, and when I am pmsing we do not have sex. We have anal sex or I give him oral. And he always says "you don't have to we will suffer together." But i do it anyways because I want him happy. And i do not service him, i dont do anal or oral sex bc he says so, i do it because i want to. And i will not end this relationship over just sex. And is has to do with just sex, bc we do see each other, and he does care about me. I know he cares because he drive a hour and half to see me and spend time with me before he goes back to work. But me ending this relationship is not a option. Anymore people give up on relationships so easy bc things arent perfect. Well relationships arent suppose to be perfect. Every relationship has problems and couples deal with those problems. And people actually wonder why divorce rates are so high, its because couples anymore think, "well if we start having problems all i have to do is get a divorce. I will not end my relationship bc we are having problems. And i know my boyfriend is into me otherwise he wouldnt drive to see me and he wouldnt call. We dont always have sex when we see each other, i actually enjoy talking with him also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:28am

Sweetie...what relationship? Some phone calls and empty promises? Relationships aren't promises they are issues that are worked out together. I would be willing to bet that you are not his girlfriend, you are his mistress. You give him something his wife/fiance/or real girlfriend doesn't: BJ and Anal sex. So you get dinner and movie. Consider it payment. If having intercourse was important he would get takeout and skip the movie. There are too many options that could solve the problem if he wanted to..

On that note: here is a test for you. the next time he thinks he is getting Anal or a BJ suprise him with the new Birthcontrol pill that has you skip your period for six months ans see how fast he runs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:38am

<<>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:04am

Ok, most of previous posts seem to suggest that the relationship is going very wrong and maybe you should consider moving on. I do agree with their view, but I'll try to shed a different light...

If you really believe that the relationship is worth pursuing, then first calm down and think of ways to take care of YOUR sexual needs. Sure, he should be eager to satisfy your needs... but ultimately you are the one responsible for your own body. Do you masturbate? I know masturbation doesn't replace intercourse and the intimacy, but masturbation will satisfy you physically. Maybe after you've satisfied yourself, you'll be calm enough to look at the situation and work out a schedule... one previous post points out skipping your period using bc pills (or other hormone treatment), it's convenient for a special occasion or travel plans, but don't skip period consecutively too often, regular menstration is important to promote healthy uterus/cervix.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:18am

>>>gave him a bj bc i dont want us to both suffer.<<<
>>>I've already decided he will not be getting bj or anal sex until he makes the time n effort to please me.<<<

Also want to point out that, he won't suffer without a bj... if he has hands, I'm sure he uses them. You have said that you willingly gave the bj and anal sex... don't you love doing them? If you do get pleasure out of them (which you should, or else you shouldn't have done them in the first place), why are you using them as some sort of bargaining chips?

Anyways, there are other things to do in a car besides bj... kissing, touching each other, grinding, fingering, or simply holding each other and savoring the moment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:25am
There is also the Instead Softcup that can be used for sex during your period to prevent the mess.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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