Why Wont He Put Out.. grrr...
Find a Conversation
Why Wont He Put Out.. grrr...
| Tue, 11-23-2004 - 9:51pm |
I am so frustrated with my boyfriend because I have NOT had a orgasm in 3 MONTHS. When we do see each other I'm pmsing so we usually do anal sex, or I give him a bj, and I SUFFER. Well he promised tonight we would see each other because we were both off tomorrow and we could spend a lot of time together. Well he text messages me saying "baby im sick, my chest is hurting, blah blah blah." And i was sooooooooooooooooo mad bc all i could think is "OMG another month without sex." Next week i start my period so even if we see each other i wont get any. I know he cant help hes sick, but its like EVERY WEEK something comes up and we cant see each other and FINALLY when we do im pmsing. I feel neglected, unwanted, and just frustrated. Most men would want to have sex even if they were half dead. Since we started dating i went from 100 pounds to 120 pounds, and its all went to my thighs n butt. I feel fat and im wondering if hes not attracted to me. He said it wasnt that and he was attracted. But how am i suppose to feel when every time we are suppose to see each other and he cancels? I just feel unwanted. When he texted me, i got so upset, that i kept getting upset at work n crying. He said he would make it up to me and he was sorry and missed me. But i just feel neglected and i just feel like ripping his clothes off n taking advantage of him. We went from having sex every week to, hardly ever because of his 3 jobs. I CANNOT wait til he quits one of them. The only way he can make this up to me is by spending a entire weekend with me, pampering me, and paying attention to me. I feel like its unfair because I MAKE SURE he gets plenty of orgasms. He got some last week when we saw each other, but i didnt bc we didn't have time or space to have sex or for him to go down on me bc he had to go to work n we was in his car. So i gave him a bj bc i wanted him pleased. I just dont think hes making the effort to please me. What do you guys think? Am i over reacting or what?

Pages
I don't think that you are overreacting, and I do think that the others are being a bit harsh. I've recently gotten myself out of a work situation where I was working 7 days a week and up to 18 hours a day and I know how hard it can be to balance a relationship, sex, and work and paying the bills. Frequently work issues were causing me to cancel out of or simply not attend most social events together.
I think that you should forget about the sex for the time being and work at the whole relationship. It seems to me that through a combination of his intense work schedule and your periods and PMS that you simply haven't been able to spend time together at the right time to have sex. You need more time with him over-all, not just as far as sex goes. You are obviously 'taking care' of his sexual needs but I don't think that he's being selfish or unfair about it. Even if we couldn't have sex and my g/f offered to give me a BJ, I would accept it if it was what she wanted to do. Trouble is that you are happy to do that for him and then getting upset that you aren't getting yours. That's not necessarily pure selfishness on his behalf.
You need to sit down with him and work out your priorities and come up with some solutions.
Does he need to have three jobs? Can he achieve his financial goals with less work and more time with you?
If not, why not? Relationships are important and it seems that he is a guy that takes his work responsibilites very seriously - but to the detriment of his relationship. Ask him why he's working so hard? Most people work so that they can have a reasonable standard of living and to be able to enjoy life - which includes enjoying their relationships.
If he can't reduce the amount of work and spend more time with you then you will have to decide what is more important to YOU. A part-time b/f that can't spend time with you or breaking up with him and finding someone-else that can.
Ok as far as me and him talking, and us going on dates its great.
When it comes to him making time to please me and have sex no, its not great. I sometimes feel unwanted because of it or unattractive and i have talked to him about it and he said its not that. He canceled yesterday because he was sick and his chest was hurting because he hasnt been taking care of himself good enough. Hes busting his butt so he can get a apartment for US so we can spend more time together. AND i know hes not married because he lives with his parents. He went through a lot of crap and now hes trying to get back on his feet. And i will NOT end it because things r not perfect, so stop telling me to break it off because it wont happen. I love him and i will not end it because im not sexually satisfied. I will not so stop telling me to break up with him.
HE went from hardly calling me to calling me in the morning when hes driving to work, and leaving messages online for me. And driving down for 2 hours just to tell me he misses me and he misses seeing me and he misses holding me. And we talked. We didn't have sex no, but we talked and i have him a bj because i knew he was horny and i like doing it.
I havent really discussed having sex on my period because he said it was gross but ive been thinking about asking again. Even if we do it in the shower. I am hurt and i am frustrated because i HAVE NOT had a orgasm in 3 months. I cannot have a orgasm with just my fingers, and i have trouble getting turned on by myself.
I would prefer people stop telling me to dump him and tell me other birthcontrol pills to decrease the amount of times i have my period. Its like every time i turn around im pmsing. And conviently right when we FINALLY can see each other and spend the night, im bleeding. Doesn't the shot stop your period? Im also in school and i dont want to get pregnant. And i have trouble remembering to take my pill. I just wish people would stop referring to me as a mistress because im not that, i like pleasing him. And i know he would still be happy even if i didnt please him.
So if your problem seems to be
I don't know much about shots myself, never tried. Any substance that enters body via injection carries greater potential side-effects, so look up researches and perhaps talk to your obgyn to see if it's for you. What I meant by skipping or delaying period using hormone therapy just basically mean taking BC pills in a way so that your body is "tricked". Your BC pills come in a pack of 28, right? The last seven pills actually contains nothing. They're only there to help you remember the pill-taking routine. So once you stop intake the hormones (contained in the other 21 pills), your brain sends the signal to menstrate. You can trick your body by taking the first 21 pills then continue immediately onto the beginnig of next pack of pills. Of course, check with your doctor first to see if this is okay for you. Another way is taking just the hormone progesterone (which BC pills contain), but it isn't a contraceptive, it's used as treatment for irregular hormone levels (which is my case), delaying period, or regulating period. Anyway, since you are already taking BC pills, check with your doctor if it's okay to take it to skip period on a special occasion, and it will mean that your period will be on a different schedule. I know women who take BC pills continuously to avoid period for years, but it really isn't good. Regular menstration every month or at least every other month is important for health reasons.
You do know how to masturbate, so do it... buy a new vibrator if you need one. Women shouldn't stop masturbating just because they're in a relationship. Fulfilling each other's sexual needs gives you great intimacy, but a woman shouldn't be completely dependent on her partner to satisfy her physical needs, she should maintain her ability to fulfill her own needs. This way she'll be less dependent and needy.
Everything seems fine to me then. While you are not happy with the hours that he works you can understand why he is working those long hours, you can see a result in the near future (the apartment), and you are supporting him the best that you can while he is working these hours. It sounds like he will be able to quit one of the jobs in February and will be able to see more of you.
He is not taking advantage of your sexually as some of the others suggested. You are happy to take care of his needs despite not being able to have sex with him. That also is fine.
The trouble seems to be that you are grumpy because you haven't been able to have an orgasm. The title to this discussion is "Why won't he put out... grrr...". Well, you have answered that yourself and you tell us you are OK with his work situation and that you don't want him to change what he is doing. That means that the problem isn't HIM, it's YOU.
What do YOU do until February when he can quit a job and see you more? Like the others have suggested, I think that you will have to masturbate. If you don't want to ask him to change anything then there isn't a lot else that you can do. Yes, going on the Pill or the shot will stop you having periods if you want. But it will take a couple of months for it to kick in and it will be February by then anyway. It would be a good alternate form of birth control anyway so maybe you should consider getting yourself on it?
There is no instant fix for you. Whatever happens is going to take a couple of months to sort out. The only thing that I can suggest is that you ask him to quit one job and get the apartment later in the year.
If you're happy with the way things are, then why are you complaining? This guy barely has time to eat, sleep and breathe, you accept that (you SAY) but you're blaming him for not having orgasms? He doesn't give you orgasms, anyway. But, have you heard of masturbation? If it's that important to you, take care of it yourself.
Also, I think you're confused about PMS. That is PRE menstrual syndrome, and has NOTHING to do with your period, or having sex. It's around the time you're ovulating, and actually, sex is good for you at that time, because it raises your endorphin levels, and makes you feel better.
Pages