Why would a good guy marry a bad girl?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Why would a good guy marry a bad girl?
26
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 7:07pm
If you are a good guy (virgin or very few sex partners) how can you avoid getting connected to a bad girl (lot of sex partners)? It is unlikely that she will tell the truth about what she has done in the past, and since the past is our best predictor of the future, how do you avoid women who are likely to stray?

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Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 6:07am
Sex as a moral issue is based on ones point of view. Immoral people wont see it as a problem. If one views sex as the union of two souls, then they start to understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 9:06am
I don't believe that at all. I know a few people IRL who, in their 20s did some pretty silly and outrageous stuff. Sexwise, that is. There were a few group or 3some times, I'm sure more than a few episodes of unprotected sex and more than one one night stand or time when they woke up the next morning and thought OMG, what have I DONE?

And now that those people are in their 30s and 40s, they are settled down, most are married, they have kids and are good parents, they believe in fidelity and trust. I could never look at a one of those people and think that they are immoral, unloving partners or bad parents, or not to be trusted.

I worked for a brief while with a woman whose parents had 'swung' for years. Apparently it wasn't really kept a secret. Both the son and daughter have decided against that particular lifestyle but are accepting of their parents' choice. I would dare anyone to look at that woman - or her brother - and say that those parents didn't do a good job raising them. They are both happy and well adjusted adults, each with a spouse and two children. The woman feels that what her parents do sexually is not any of her business. I agree, even though I am only having sex with my H, it's not shared with our kids. That is totally private and has nothing to do with parenting (other than creation,lol).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 9:12am
I have a problem labeling people immoral or moral based on my beliefs about sex. Because I don't view anal or oral sex as immoral but many do. I also don't believe that sex is about the union of mine and DH's soul. Does that make me immoral? I have been faithful to him since we first started dating 21 years ago.

I also think that many teens and 20somethings aren't having unions but rather sex, in the great race to figure out who they are and what they want. A person can be outrageous in their behavior while they're still single but still be a good and faithful person when they meet the right one. A lot of experimentation goes on when people are single. I don't think that condemns them to a life of betrayal and broken trust.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 9:41am
For me, I don't find people who don't have soul connecting sex as immoral. As long as they're not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal, who am I to judge? If I have a relationship with a person, then I want to have soul connecting sex with them, and that's all that would matter to me. The fact that they might have not had anything but just sex prior to our union is irrelevant(morally). Some people feel that they should save their virginity until marriage. I respect that, but I don't personally feel that they are morally superior than someone who doesn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 6:51pm
I suggest you watch her behavior closely and see if she's more into getting physical or emotional with you.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 9:09am
Look my intention here is not to show a "holyer than thou" attitude.Im not that holy. But I do remember my upbringing. Its not your choice as to weather you are having a soul to soul sexual experiance. Its not a conscience level choice.Two souls ARE having sex.

On a consciense level you may just be having sex, but there are souls involved to be sure.

Again it depends on ones point of view. Acting immoral doesnt not necessarly make one a bad person......Tally I dont believe one has to sleep with lots of people to find themselves, but it happens. I think most younger people do a lot of things we older adults dont do "anymore" because as we matured we found out what was important to us . Ive said once before that what we did as young adults shouldnt really count..we were young, inexperienced, and naive.

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