Wife and I want Threesome

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Wife and I want Threesome
71
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:14pm

Hello
My wife and I are looking to do our first threesome. We both enjoy talking about it when having sex, and she really gets off talking about it. She has picked out a guy that she says does IT for her; they’ve made out and have done some light touching and rubbing. Here is the thing she wants to go to bed with him first and enjoy him without me, and then introduce me into the act later. Now this excites me to no end and she knows it. Should I allow her to do this alone at first and then join in, or should I insist on being there the first time? We are both open with each other and express our desires with one another. She say’s she will tell me everything that happens afterwards…..DO I LET THIS HAPPEN…

AROUSED AT THE THOUGHT!

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Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 6:16pm

have you thought this through?? if she feels IT for him, what if she starts getting emotionally into it? she's indicating that it may be going there by wanting it to be a one on one experience with the other guy.

if i was you i wouldn't agree to it. but can you even say no at this point, it seems like she would do it anyway being that they are making out already.

i think it is good to be open-minded and experiential, but it is also healthy for the relationship to maintain certain boundaries.

just curious, what excites you about her being with another guy, especially if you aren't even in the picture?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 6:21pm
Only YOU can decide if this is within the boundaries of your marriage. No one else can tell you what is right for your relationship.....however, I would just caution you that reality is often FAR different from fantasy. You may find the reality not arousing in the least. On the contrary, you may find it to be very troubling and your reaction very unexpected. But once it's done, it's done, you can't take it back. Consider the pros as well as the cons of this decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 10:46pm
Something doesn't "ring right" about this.
Are you sure that your wife hasn't already hopped into the sack with him and she has come up with a novel way to inform you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:39pm

My wife and I have been toying with the idea of a threesome for a while now too, but certainly haven't gone as far as you have.

Something about this makes me feel a little uneasy. In our situation, the threesome is about something that would expand *our* lovelife and boundaries and it would affect *our* relationship. It sounds like your wife is off expanding *her* horizons and experiences without *you*. The two of you are a couple, and meant to be sharing experiences and you developing your sexlife together. Where's the "we" in this experience?

It sounds like any permission from you is an after-thought. She's already chosen him, and made-out with him. Did you get any say in the matter? Have you even talked to him about the situation, the groundrules, or his thoughts on the matter? Could you say "No" at this point?

And now that she wants to actually have sex with him, she doesn't even want you in the same room? Why on earth not?! Really, think about that for a moment. *Why not?*

It's not a threesome if three people aren't involved. You're her husband and the whole idea was for the wife and husband to invite a third person into *their* bedroom, not for the wife and some other guy to exclude the husband from *their* bedroom.

Frankly the way I see it, she isn't asking permission for a threesome, she's asking permission to screw another guy, basically, behind your back. And I have to wonder if she really cares whether or not you give her the go-ahead.

You might be aroused and turned on, but I think that you need to put it back into your pants for a minute and actually have a good hard think about what's going on here before you allow her to go through with it.

Let us know what happens. If we're wrong it'd be good to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:18am
The reason I’m not in the Picture right now is because this guy is real shy. My wife and I(Actually I did) thought it better that the two of them go it alone for a bit and then gradually work him into a threesome. She’s not stepping out on me I know that for a fact, we have a very strong marriage. The reason it gets me aroused is because it’s something totally erotic for both of us. Her coming home to me after a night with him, she’ll be all sexed up and ready to be my SLUT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:56am

"Her coming home to me after a night with him, she’ll be all sexed up and ready to be my SLUT."

Really? I'd think she'd be all sexed-out. I know that women are multi-orgasmic, but that doesn't mean that the "mental" aspect of horniness doesn't dissipate with the first orgasm. I can "physically" orgasm because the clitoris remains erect even though you feel very satisfied and reverts back to about a half-way point of "physical" arousal.

In other words(and this is hard to articulate), during orgasm, right at the peak, spasms begin. They can go on for quite a long time. At first they are very close together, and then they begin to taper off sometimes with about five seconds between each one. It's almost like trying to squeeze the last drop out. You feel as though there's another one there--a last drop, but you can't quite get it out. That's what it's like. I want to get that last drop out, so I go for it again....start at the beginning. It's sort of an endless loop.

But anyway, although there can be some fantasy and mental arousal, after the first orgasm, that heightened, mesmerizing, drug-like feeling of lust is mostly gone and it can take several hours for it to return(I guess this is a woman's refractory in some sense). Even though I can orgasm, pretty much endlessly, it has nothing to do with feeling all sexed-up. Of course, every woman is different, but from what my friends and I discuss, it's pretty standard. Unless of course, she's not orgasming with him and saving it ALL for you, then yes, I can see her coming home all sexed up.

She's a woman, she can have sex all day long, but that doesn't mean that she's actually into it(not in the way you think), especially if she recently had wild-passionate fulfilling sex with another man. Women have the abilities to be multi-orgasmic, but that has little to do with the feeling of lust. Just think of yourself. You know how you feel after you have just orgasmed? It's very much the same. Just picture yourself though, feeling like you had a little more in there you had to get out. It's physical, not really emotional.




Edited 5/16/2006 10:05 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:08am
Thank You for your insight on this, it seems like the general Consensus is don't go throught with this. I just want to make this straight this is in no way a one sided deal. I will be included in this threesome and hope to enjoy it very much. I'm letting her go out and have sex with this guy, because I want to use my tongue to clean her after she comes home to me. I will in time be involved I'm not worried about that at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:23am
Personally, I don't see the difference. Whether you are alone with another man/woman, or all together in an orgy. I don't "get" the "rules" that are "set." It makes little sense. You're either OK with your SO having sex with another person/people or you're not. The fact that there are "rules" implies to me that it's not all that "secure." That it is a "fragile" act, and can, therefore, easily destroy a union. I can't for the life of me understand how people can risk their relationships for an orgasm. But, in any event, I do not see how people get all "technical" when it comes to threesomes and moresomes. The bottom line is that you want to have sex with someone else....what difference does the where, when, how, how many, and with whom matter? Color me confused.... ;-)
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:36am

How is you knowing about what she's doing making it any different? She IS stepping out on you though, you have just condoned it. That's your choice.

My concern would be that this guy would have no interest in being in the same bed with YOU, in a threesome scenario, so the whole thing may be a way for her to have her cake and eat it, too. Honestly though, it sounds as if the motive here is for YOU to be with another guy, not her.




Edited 5/16/2006 10:39 am ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 11:38am
Ypu're not confused, I feel the same way as you do. We have an open marriage.

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