Wife and live peep shows
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Wife and live peep shows
| Wed, 10-27-2004 - 5:30pm |
I borrowed my wife's ivillage account to post this(I'm not sure how to make my own account), and honestly I don't care if she reads this. I have to vent and I need advice.
She's always been perturbed with the lack of pornographic material geared for women. Whenever she tries to search on the net for men in sexual situations, she always ends up with gay porn, or hetero porn. She said that she wants it to see solo male porn, where a man is seducing her, or she can fantasize that he is involving her directly and masturbating and doing whatever for her only. You know the way the women seduce men on most male-geared web sites. Somehow while searching the net she found a joint not too(about 45 minutes from here)far away where she can safely go and watch men LIVE masturbate and whatnot. She visits frequently(she's independently wealthy so money is not an issue), 4 to 5 times a week(spends only 40 minutes). She's in a private booth where she can masturbate herself(she brings her own toys too). I'm at a loss as to how to handle this. This has been going on for seven months so far, and there's seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. Our sex life hasn't really suffered at all(it's about the same, maybe she seems less interested while having sex and initiates much less). Any advice on how to proceed
She's always been perturbed with the lack of pornographic material geared for women. Whenever she tries to search on the net for men in sexual situations, she always ends up with gay porn, or hetero porn. She said that she wants it to see solo male porn, where a man is seducing her, or she can fantasize that he is involving her directly and masturbating and doing whatever for her only. You know the way the women seduce men on most male-geared web sites. Somehow while searching the net she found a joint not too(about 45 minutes from here)far away where she can safely go and watch men LIVE masturbate and whatnot. She visits frequently(she's independently wealthy so money is not an issue), 4 to 5 times a week(spends only 40 minutes). She's in a private booth where she can masturbate herself(she brings her own toys too). I'm at a loss as to how to handle this. This has been going on for seven months so far, and there's seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. Our sex life hasn't really suffered at all(it's about the same, maybe she seems less interested while having sex and initiates much less). Any advice on how to proceed

All I can think of is maybe you could masturbate for her instead of her going to these clubs. Have you tried this before? Maybe it could help or reduce the number of times that she goes.
Peace.
Scott.
This is something you have to talk to her about.
I guess the advice is the same regardless of the sexes. I would consider 4-5 times a week, every week, at a peep show excessive for man or woman.
Talk to her. Vent to us but talk to her. Venting at her and getting mad at her will not help the situation - but I'm sure that you already know that. I'd ask her to either stop because you feel very uncomfortable with it or to compromise and maybe go only once a week - or less. You are certainly within your rights to ask her to stop. Whether or not she takes heed of your request is another thing.
Maybe you can learn to understand why she feels this need and accept it since it seems to be having little impact on your sex life and relationship in general? I'm not saying that you have to compromise yourself and put up with it but maybe understanding it may put it into some kind of perspective for you.
I'd be inclined to try to find out why she feels that she needs to go to a peep show for sexual release when she has a perfectly willing husband at home. Of course you can't compete with the naughty 'taboo' aspect of a peep show and maybe that's what turns her on.
Perhaps she is missing something in her sex life with you that she feels she can't ask you for - so best that you remain open minded and resist the temptation to talk without thinking if she says something that you find distressing or uncomfortable. Think about it and then respond later would be the better option.
If you upset by the situation I think the other posters have given some good advice.
If your asking about how to help her indulge this particular desire re the web try,:
"jane's sex guide" I don’t have the url handy just do a goggle. it rates sites and could help her narrow down on what she is looking for.
I am telling you the truth, your situation is NOT the only one, but it is unique nevertheless. From what I've read elsewhere in the past regarding this topic, your wife just may have an appetite for different tastes sorta speak.
The appetite may be for something new and different, that itself may be the majority of the excitement. This is just guessing on my part, based upon what I've read in the past on other boards too. Her desires, according to what you've posted thus far, sound fixed upon that particular aspect as opposed to being focused on a particular man or even a particular body for that matter.
This is the part where you, as her husband, discover ways to really knock her socks off and take her mind off of things and put her sexual focus back upon YOU.
Tricks from the past have always involved focusing on what you do for her in bed and NOT focusing on comparing how you look, etc. Just how good are you at foreplay? Just how exciting are you at cunnilingus? Just how amazing are your techniques? Before you address HER problem, make certain that you are addressing what YOU can do on YOUR end of the situation. Make certain that she truly has something exciting in her very own bedroom to come to before tearing her away from her fantasies.
KEEP IN MIND: I'm only suggesting from what I've read in the past. Many times I've also read that men AND women who to feel replaced by porn themselves, actually praised the tactics of becoming more desirable in their own bedrooms, not necessarily looks, but techniques and fun new ideas, etc. This was posted so many times the other spouses were somewhat addicted to enjoying view of others.
Remember, your situation ALSO involves the lack of excitement in your own bedroom, and NOT just her enjoying herself and thats it.
Although I haven't had quite the issue you have, I've never been perfect myself, LOL! Here's a link to a page that has REALLY helped me become so much more exciting for Mrs. Para:
How to Have Hotter Sex
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlimproveyou
Hope we've all helped ya some. Please sign up and post from now on...remember, its free, and you can post anonymously if you'd like and this way will keep your wife's situation from becoming more public than she'd like as well.
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
I'm sorry, but what she's doing is wrong if it takes an inordinate amount time away from you and causes you concern. And I would say the same thing to a concerned wife.
Would she be upset if you did the same thing the same number of nights a week? She's driving 45 minutes to watch a strange man masturbate and then PAYING for it? Doesn't that strike you as odd?
Why can't she include you in this fantasy and have you masturbate for her? There's no reason why she can't keep this at home, IMO.
Talk with her and be honest about your concern and then if you can't work this out together, get some counseling. She could have an addiction.