Wife with physical limitations

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Wife with physical limitations
7
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:13pm

Dw has numerous physical limitations but she wants badly to enjoy MORE sex. We manage about once or twice a week and I feel like I beat her up when we do it. The next day she is stiff and sore and it's beginning to affect my ability to orgasm. I solo more than I would if I could satisfy her desires without prcticly wrecking her -- she never complains though.

Over the past 5 years she has had a hip replacement which affects her ability to lift her one leg past a 90 degree angle. A hysterectomy which has reduced her libido and lubrication. A damaged knee from a fall which limits the time she can be on her knees to about 2 minutes. And, finally a disc removed from L4 vertabrae which leads to a lot of lower back pain during IC and the following morning.

She's a game lady and let's me masturbate her to orgasm then gives me hand jobs but insists that I finish inside her which I do willingly, no, eagerly. What she really wants is to get back to WOT like the old days so she can do herself on my penis and on my face. Recently, we've gone back to me going down on her while she lays on her back. She has had some great orgasm and she calls them "toe curlers". She wants me to do this again soon but said, "wish I could get back to WOT and ride your tougue again someday".

Does anyone else have a loved one with physical limitations and how do we do more postions? Other websites or other resources?

Rich




Edited 5/13/2006 7:21 pm ET by richdick

 Rich, good to the last drop

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:43pm

The only thing you can do is try different positions and see if they work for her without causing her pain.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 9:01pm

Thank you for taking the time to talk to us about this. Experimenting is what we've been doing when our lust for each other subsides to a tolerable level. Most times however, after foreplay, we want and need each other so badly, we skip over the experimenting and ravish one another - shame on us (we do still desire one another).

The idea of the chair is a good one, except I'm not well endowed and there won't be much penetration but it's worth a try. It should give her the clit rubbibg she wants so badly like the old days. And after all, I revealed all our secrets just so she can have the pleasures she deserves so much and not for my pleasure.

You've been very helpful - thank you, Rich

 Rich, good to the last drop

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 9:56pm

I'm afraid that it's unlikely that you will get back to the "good old days" unless her conditions magically improve.

My partner has some serious pelvic and lumbar problems and she has a very limited range of motion. Her right leg would love to able to make it to 90 degrees like your wife's leg, let alone go past 90. If you wife is still having considerable pain in her back I suggest that you go back to the Doctor again. Operations on discs are meant to relieve pain, not to leave it painful. Try not to get too worried about the pain, it's your wife's choice and she knows best about cost versus the reward of having sex. If she wants it then go along with her. I know that it can be very difficult at times. I've been there and gotten to the point where I didn't want to touch her let alone try to have sex because of the pain. That tends to start putting a damper on the relationship.

Your doctor or at least one of your Doctor's should have discussed sex with you, her or both of you and perhaps supplied you will some information on positions that would be easier. You sex life can be OK. Sure, you can't swing her from the lightshade like you used to, but at least you can have enjoyable and satisfying sex. It does sound like your sex life isn't too bad. A couple of times a week isn't unreasonable, you have manual and oral sex and you can have intercourse. Sounds like you've got some options. All that you have to do now is find the most comfortable positions to minimise the pain and aches the next day.

Added: Women on top can be good for lower back problems. Spooning and the like can be good too.




Edited 5/13/2006 9:57 pm ET by westridge2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 10:48pm

You're right of course, but it's hard with all the good memories.

She won't go back to the back surgeon. She wants no more operations for the rest of her life -- can't say that I blame her.

So sorry to hear about your wife's difficulties, it's obvious you know what we're talking about. You're right, our sex life isn't too bad, we just thought that maybe.............

Thanks for taking the time to listen and write us a few paragraphs. We'll just keep "plugging" along and trying new things,

Rich

 Rich, good to the last drop

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 6:16pm

A back surgeon and more operations may not be necessary. However, if they turned around and offered a relatively straight forward operation with good odds to relieve or improve the back pain, would that be an option? You have to weigh up cost versus benefit even if you don't want more operations.

My partner never had an option of surgery for her type of injuries. There is the possibility that exercises and rehabilitation can strengthen many of the muscles along the spine and, slowly, the pain can be reduced as the spine begins to support itself more and more - at least that's my understanding of the rehabilitation involved after the majority of back operations. I would have hoped that the Doctors have already talked about this. Hip and knee problems I can't give you any specific advice about.

It sounds to me as if the pain she has during sex is mainly a result of trying to use positions that you used to use that do not work any more. As I said before, you're going to have to relegate those memories and those positions into the "good ol' days" folder and now concentrate on what you CAN do and use positions that do work. And it sounds like you've got some options.

Probably the most depressing part of it is, like you said, her pain affecting how you feel. I've been through that too. You end up feeling very unaroused about the whole thing and you dread touching her (in my case even a hug or pressure in the wrong place would cause her pain) and the whole relationship suffers as the physical intimacy goes out the door. That's where you HAVE to find a way to have enjoyable sex. You have to keep trying and you have to believe her when she says that she wants to try to have sex - even if it seems that it is uncomfortable for her and she is sore the next day. If she wants it, and she's the one that knows and suffers the consequences, then who are you to not have sex with her? I found that I had to get myself into a slightly cavalier and devil-may-care-what-it-does-to-her frame of mind to go through with it at the start. However, it does break the ice and you will start to get the intimacy and enjoyment back into the sex. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 6:37pm

Thanks "west" for the kind words. As we both know, if Dw says no more surgeries, there won't be any more surgeries.

What I've been trying to do this past year is talk her into some kind of warm water pool exercise class somewhere. She listens but does not persue it. I workout with a lady that could barely get around 10 years ago and she has worked her way back to a point you would never know she has a "Tens" (?) unit under her clothing. That's the electrical unit that has an electrode in the nerve bundle in her back.

R

 Rich, good to the last drop

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 7:37pm
I've heard of it and looked at it on the website. Although I'm a bit of a sceptic at heart, I'm sure we would have tried it if things had continued as they had been at the time her pain was at it's worst. My DW has improved considerably in the last few months and its mainly due to the rehab and the exercises. Whereas before she'd be in constant pain that got marginally better now and again, she's at a point where she's (relatively speaking) very good most of the time. When she has a relapse it usually gets better over a next day or two. Whereas before it wouldn't get better. We've put that down to a pain-blocking treatment that allowed her to build up the muscles in the spine and pelvis over a period of six months.