Will 3-some ruin my relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Will 3-some ruin my relationship?
5
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 11:08pm

My fiance and I have an AMAZING sex life. We both agree we are each other's best and no one has come close. The other night I brought up having a 3 some (with another woman) to see his thoughts on it. Firstoff, you should know that the idea of him being with another woman turns me on BIG TIME. Of course I picture a very attractive woman, nice body, the whole nine...the thought of my significant other being with another woman has always turned me on dating back to my first adult relationship.

I have never experienced it but my fiance has had 3somes in the past, but not with girls he dated seriously- more like one nite stand type of deals. He said the idea of it turns him on also, but not nearly as much as me. (Of course this fantasy is more appealing when we're both drunk)

He said he wouldn't want me fooling around with the girl that much, if we decided to go through with this. I guess my question is this- Do you think this could hurt our relationship? He is fearful it might. He doesn't want to take any chances because we are engaged to be married, however, I know if I really pushed it he would eventually probably give in. I know he would enjoy it at the moment but it's the repurcussions I am worried about.

On the one hand I think b/c it is such a huge turnon for me, no harm would come after, but I can't be sure. I have heard bad stories about trust becoming an issue and always having that visual, etc...BUT are these women who agreed to a 3some b/c their spouse wanted them to and not because they truly wanted to? Were these women who were truly turned on by the thought of their SO being with someone else?

Has anyone ever done this with a significant other that they planned to spend the rest of their life with? Did it change ur relationship? He says it would never turn into something he would want to do again and again...it wouldn't become a regular activity. Is this better left as a fantasy we should just role play or is it OK to act it out for real? Any thoughts would be appreciated...thanks :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 12:20am
Probably.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 9:56am
Fantasies and reality are two different things.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 10:40am

Hi mlm2525:


1-STD's-A woman wrote about a 3-some.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 12:04pm
Wow...# 1 is enough to make me rethink this. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 7:04pm

We have done threesomes and some soft stuff before too. The short answer to your question is no but.....

To begin with, there are alot of people out there who claim that 3 some sex activities ruin there relationship. Typically they were looking to it to fix a problem that already existed in their relationship and saw it as a way of fix it. If a relationship fails the 3 some was probaly a catalyst the fueled the underlying problems and lead to the break-up. 3 some sex explaination for a relationship failure is an easy excuse to explain why it failed instead of looking at the root cause.

Anyhow with that said, a 3 some situstion is a very much an emotionally charged situation and with the best communication the situation can go pear shape very quickly. The main things to have a successful encounter includes

Strong communication between the two of you
boundries and the willingness to enforce them
no one feels forced into the situation
no one is expected / coerced into doing something that they are uncomfortable
ability to separate love & sex
secure in your current relationship

A 3 some situation is about pleasure and enjoyment. It is not about love, power, manipulation, or coaxing. If you are coaxed then it is best not to do it.

If you have a good communication, boundries are respected, and emotions can be kept out of it, then there is no reason why it should ruin your relationship.