will he ever cum???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
will he ever cum???
7
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:26pm
my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year.he is 33 and i am 20. our relationship is wonderful and i have never been so happy before and in my short life i have been through quite a few rough relationships. we now live together and have sex about five times out of the week and he never cums. sorry i will correct that, he will cum maybe twice a month. he says that he's just not at his peek anymore and that it's not important to him, but it is to me. i feel as is i can't satisfy my man. i'm not quite sure how to deal with this because i've never had this issue before,please help!!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 12:08am

The best thing you can do for him, and yourself, is to stop worrying about it. This is something he has to work out and the way you help is by not making a big issue of it. This is likely a psychological issue or he's so used to his own stimulation, that he's taking care of himself when you aren't around. In that case, ask him to stop masturbating for the time being.

But of course, you want him to be satisfied and happy, but there is absolutely nothing you can do to help with this other than to be there for him. Encourage him to get a dr.s input if he becomes more concerned. And sorry, but at 33 he's hardly past his prime.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 12:26am

I agree with Katmandoo. Thirty three is hardly at his "peak", if there is such a thing! It also has NOTHING to do with you, or whether or not you "satisfy" him. If he wasn't interested, and enjoying it, he wouldn't be getting erections to start with. You don't and can't "give" him an ejaculation anymore than he can "give" you an orgasm.

There are two possible reasons for this.....physical or emotional/mental. It's possible he has some physical problem, but he won't know that unless he sees a doctor. Or he could be on some kind of medication that's causing it, and that should also be discussed with his doctor.

More often than not, it's something emotional.....fear of getting you pregnant, sexual hangups, who knows. It's also possible, as Kat mentioned, that he's masturbating a lot, and if so, he should stop that as much as possible.

Your best bet is to say and do nothing about it. If it really concerns you, then you need to explain to him that his age and/or "peak" have nothing to do with it, and that he should talk to his doctor about it. If it's emotional, the more you talk about it, the worse it can become.......like a self fulfilling prophecy.....he had a problem once (and ALL men do occasionally) and now he's so worried about it, he's causing it to happen.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:13am

girl, i feel for you! i dated someone that wouldn't come often and it frustrated the hell out of me. in my case it wasn't so much that he couldn't, it was that he had acquired buddist or toaist beliefs that he should withhold orgasming to retain the energy. however, your case might be a bit different. if he can't he can't. do you think he is on anti-depressants -- they are infamous for causing guys not to come and lowering sex drives in general. if that's the case, there are some drugs that counteract this side-effect.

also, do you orgasm during sex? younger women sometimes tend to over-rely on the male orgasm, in other words since they don't come often or at all they vicariously come through their partner's orgasm. so if YOU orgasm more it might not be as frustrating for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 8:46am

He is definately not old or over the hill so to speak. Without more information it is hard to get a feel for if it is an emotional problem or a physical problem. If he has problems with any of the following: frequent urination, difficulty urinating, burning / painful urination, lower pack pain in conjunction with urniation difficulties. It could be he has some type of prostrate problem or bladder problem.

However if he is free of symptoms I would suspect it would be emotional. There are several plausible reasons and it is best that you talk to him about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 9:55am

I agree with the others, this is something he has to work through and it could be a physical problem he has or something emotional going on.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 8:53pm
thank you all for all of your help. i dont think that it is anything physical but you never know, and if it is emotional he won't talk about it.i've asked him before. and yes, i cum almost every time we have sex, and that's the great part, it just frustrates me soooo much that he doesnt' cum, i try not to make a big deal of it but some times i can't hold it in, and he knows that. keep the thoughts coming, they are helping, and thanks to everyone that's replied!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 9:24pm
I feel for you, I have this problem w/my husband.