Will I ever cum?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
Will I ever cum?
10
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:10am
I have been with several guys but have never came. With oral sex everything feels good and I get off it is just I go until I can't take it anymore and I make him stop. Same with trying myself. With sex I don't even get off. Never have. My bf really wants to make me cum. Will it ever happen?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:15am

When you learn to enjoy sex and stop worrying about having orgasms. The more you think about them and worry about them, the more you defeat them. Sex isn't about having orgasms, it's about having pleasure. When you learn to simply enjoy the pleasure, and not think about anything else, then it will happen.

When you say sex, you mean intercourse......and 80% of women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone. They need clitoral stimulation at the same time. Most women have their orgasms from foreplay....and then sometimes they'll have more during intercourse, but only when they allow themselves to relax and not worry about it.

During intercourse, you, or he or your position should be stimulating your clitoris. Woman on top is the best position to get that stimulation, if you do it right.

Whether or not you have orgasms, learn to enjoy the pleasure you ARE having. Having an orgasm doesn't make him more of a man, because he doesn't give them to you......you learn how to have them, and you allow them to happen.

Check out www.the-clitoris.com for more information about your body, and about orgasms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:57am
I don't worry about it. I feel that I let everything go when I am with my bf. This is just something that I am curious about. When I tell guys that I don't cum they always ask why. They act like they have never been with a girl that doesn't. I just know I can't be the only woman like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 12:14pm

Of course you're not the only woman that doesn't have orgasms. Some NEVER have them from any source, even themselves. And it's all simply in the mind......and learning to allow it to happen. When you're worried about everything else, particularly "pleasing" him.....you may think you're "concentrating" but you're not.

I don't understand guys that have to ask if you had an orgasm. That's THEIR ego. If they knew anything about women's bodies, they'd KNOW whether or not you had them, and it's no reflection on them if you don't.....but they all seem to think it is. Or they think you don't "love" them if you don't have them. They think it's automatic, like theirs usually is. Women are not like men, and women do NOT have to have orgasms to enjoy sex. They have to learn to enjoy sex, and then maybe they'll have the orgasms.

The next time you're asked, just say it was GOOD! Guys who ask constantly usually get the woman so aggravated that they start faking them.......and the guy will never know, but the woman will be more messed up because instead of enjoying it, they'll be busy putting on their "performance"! So the guy is happy, and the woman isn't enjoying anything.

There are women who NEVER learn to have them....but they still enjoy sex as much as those who do. Orgasms aren't a necessity for most women, they're a bonus.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 1:50pm

"If they knew anything about women's bodies, they'd KNOW whether or not you had them,"


Hi Sakura!


I am not so sure if this is true in all cases.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:11pm

How old are you if you dont mine me asking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:15pm
I don't mind you asking. I am 27 yrs old.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:52pm

I agree with everything you say.....but I've been with a few men who asked every time, and it drove me crazy. If they can't tell.......shame on them. Regardless, unless the woman is complaining, why do they need to ask? The question, if they HAVE to ask it, should be did you enjoy it, or was it good? But why does the question have to be asked? In your case, simple curiousity....but in many cases, it's to feed the man's ego.

I'm not denigrating orgasms at all.....I just think that NOT having them isn't the end of the world, either. I spent a 20 year marriage in which I never had one....and I was divorced and 43 before I had my first orgasm ever. I immediately became multiorgasmic.......but there have been a very few times when I knew it just wasn't going to happen, and it didn't bother me at all. I've seen women here actually say that since they don't have orgasms, they're just not going to have sex at all. That's sad, and that's placing WAY too much importance on orgasms.

As I said, for women it's not as automatic as it usually is for men....and we don't get "blue balls" if it doesn't happen. It is a PART of sex, but it's not the be-all end-all of sex. Orgasms don't make sex good......good sex makes orgasms happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:59pm

I agree with that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 5:18pm

Welcome to the board mama010307.

A lot of women don't orgasm through intercourse alone. Have you tried stimulating your clitoris during IC? Trying varying positions also allows different sensations, and that can be helpful too.

It is more difficult for women to orgasm during IC alone, and for some, it never happens. Although he wants to "make you cum", it's only something he can "help" you with. Most of it is up to you and your mind. See if he will stimulate your clitoris during IC, or how he feels about introducing toys to your sex life.

If you are able to find a way to have orgasms during IC, it will be more likely that you will develop a way to have them easier during IC.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 3:01am

Here's my advice.

Orgasms are one of my favorite parts of sex .
DH gives me lots of foreplay and oral but I will
only let him give me OS until I get a big O and then when we have
IC ether he's touching me down there or I am! I enjoy IC but
I don't really get a O from it unless one of us is touching
down there. I wish that didn't matter so much but it is key for me.
Try the T position or doggy style I like girl on top because it's perfect
for clit stimulation. Don't be the guy grind your hips back and forth
or as some say do circle motions. Side ways is good to because he can reach you.
Also you can't go into it wondering if it's going to happen. That's like setting
a bomb off for disaster. Have you ever let him give you a anal massage during IC?
I don't mean fingering just massaging. At the right time it can be explosive!!
Anyways I hope this helps

Kareese.