Woman, mid-30's, perpetually horny....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Woman, mid-30's, perpetually horny....
15
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 3:07pm
Hi everyone,

I'm a married woman (happily) and feel like I'm hitting some kind of sexual stride here in my mid-30's. All of a sudden, I can't stop thinking about sex -- ANY way you can dish it up. I've started fantasizing about MFM threesomes, office sex (would never do it), lots of desire for anal (DH and I have only done this a couple times), and I feel like I'm masterbating all the time.

Anyone else ever had such a turn around in their libido?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 8:12pm
Hi Luv2imagine I'm going through the exact same thing. I am only 30. But I know what you are going through definately. I thought it was strange for me too but I read an article in Redbook, I have a yearly subscription to it. There was an article in it about sex drives and it was saying for woman they reach the peak of their libido in their 30's, men are in their 20's. But it was saying that it's normal to be super horney and wanting sex all the time for women in their 30's. I guess it's because that's when you are producing the most estrogen. That's why right before your period for most woman or during your period you sex drive is the highest too because of hormones and estrogen. you know how animals go into "heat" well that's the same thing for us. Basically we are in heat. It's all related to the estrogen cycle. Not to be gross but it's true. Also the article I read which I never thought about before but it very true, it said the more sex you have the more sex you want to have. So people that have sex more frequently than those that don't have a higher sex drive. All because of the same reason your brain gets used to your hormones being produced when you are having sex and when they go down again your brain signals your libido to go up. It's kind of like your brain gets addicted to your hormones. The article also said that people that have sex more often make more pheromones, the chemicals that trigger sexual attraction, so people that are having more sex appear more attractive and sexier to the opposite sex. Isn't that interesting. :D Some of this information was in the magazine the rest was from a series on the discovery health channel called sex and human behavior, or something like that. I just remembered. Just so you know it's normal. And I know what you're going through LOL I'm wanting to try the anal sex and alot of toys and things I would never have considered before too. Unfortunately my boyfriend doesn't share the same ideas. LOL. how did you get your husband to participate. LOL I need ideas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 11:34pm
I am in my early 30's, but I find that my sex drive kicks into high gear mostly when I am in the throes of a crush on a guy. If there is no one that I am interested my drive is usually low. However, recenly I have had a spate of wet dreams, so my drive may be on the upswing.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 2:22am
i'm in my early 30s and have to agree, sex drive is at an all time high. unfortunately, my bf left me high and dry (or would that be wet) when he took off and joined the peace corps. so not only have i had a super high sex drive, i've had to deal with sex withdrawls. awful!! he actually wants me to wait for him for two years!? i just can't do it, in large part because of the lack of sex (and physical contact in general). it sounds shallow, but i almost feel like i am possessed. i think about it all the time. i wish i could chill out.

i also find it disappointing that men's sex drive diminishes in their 30s just when ours is so high. it's like a cruel trick nature plays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 11:05am
Speaeking of crushes I need some advice. Not to change the subject or anything. But do you have any ideas on how to end a crush or get over someone you have a major crush on?? I need some ideas. I have had this crush on this really extremely HOT GUY for about 4 years or more and no matter what I do I can't get him out of my head. Like that song. LOL I'm in a great relationship and the guy who I have the major crush on is unavailable to me. He's married, I think. But I don't want a relationship with him anyway. I just can't stop thinking of him and it's driving me up the wall. I thought with time the crush would just go away on it's own but it hasn't yet. Any Ideas? I feel like that guy that was in that movie, There is something about mary. Where you have this super obsession with someone and it just keeps getting worse. Maybe everytime I think about him I could focus on something that I don't like about him and keep focusing on what I don't like, looks aren't everything LOL. maybe then I could finally end it. Have any suggestions

?? LOL Sorry for changing the subject but this was the only post that had mentioned having a crush on a guy and I'm the queen of getting crushes on people. Maybe not everyone but this one is more like an obsession :( AGH!!!! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 9:08pm
The best advice I can give about getting past crushes is to distance yourself from the person. 4 years is a long time, the longest I have had has been about 2 years. It's hard if it is someone you see regularly, though. I had a crush on a co-worker, but luckily it faded when he got laid off and I never saw him again. The last crush I had, we both lived in California, then he moved to Hawaii, then I moved to the East Coast, so that cut down on the intensity, but I know what you mean - I still think of this guy almost every day. I guess it just has to fade with time, like grief. My crushes always have turned out bad - the guy rejects me, and I feel really hurt, but then after the glory fades I realize what an ***hole he was to reject me that way, and I move on. Sorry I don't have better advice, but that's been my experience.

Lee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 05-11-2003 - 8:20am
Back to the horniness thing...I am 38 and my drive is VERY high at the moment cause I am really into this guy I am seeing. I think about it alllll the time...the part that makes me most nuts is I have a long commute and the vibrations of the car...well, you all understand, lol! When we are together I just can't keep my hands off him and we do risky stuff sometimes like have sex on the couch when people are upstairs or about to come in. lol.

I remember that when I was about thirty I went through a period of extreme horniness and again when i was 33 and pg with my dd. After that it did die down a lot and I guess I thought the "worst" was over, lol. But I was wrong! Bf is 42 and I am giving him a work out!!! hee hee
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 10:35am
katri2003, How did I get DH to participate? It was a slow campaign to bring him around to my way of thinking, but he's not close to being "there" yet. The first time we had anal, was actually on a beach. It was an optional nude beach on Martha's Vineyard and it was a warm fall day, but we were the only one's on the beach, do I dared him to drop the bathing suit, and so did I. I think just lying on a beach naked (we're pretty conservative) made us both horny, and before you know it he was snuggling up in the spoon position. I simply reached back and without saying anything, guided him to the "back door". He went with it, but I think he was VERY surprised. It was a long time before I had the courage to direct him there again -- I didn't want him to think I was some kind of dirty girl. Anyway, we've only done it a handful of times over 11 years, but I would love to do it much more regularly.

I have tried to subtly suggest we meet for lunch sometime to go to the Adult toy store and find something fun to "mix it up", plus as a gag I rented an X rated video once, and we ended up having the BEST sex, so its just been a very suble campaign aimed at letting him know I'm open to anything that he might be fantasizing about. We'll get there!

It does seem like I want sex much more often than him, and sometimes I think he stays up watching TV until I fall asleep. I don't want to be the initiator all the time, so sometimes we end up in a sort of sexual stand-off.

Glad to know you're all out there and that I'm not the only ridiculously horny 35 year old!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 6:10pm
Hi. I still don't know what DH means LOL But it's okay. If I was getting sex all the time like you are. I wouldn't even be talking about it on the message board because I would be too busy celebrating. I would be happy and thrilled. :D I'm the same way but mine I know is because I have PCO and my testosterone level is high. It's even a wonder I have a boyfriend now because where my hormones are really high I have a tendency to come on really strong to people and scare them off. I guess my boyfriend isn't scared of me either that or he has alot of testosterone too. Maybe you have a hormone imbalance like I did and don't know it yet. That's what happened to me. I just thought my sex drive was really abnormal and something was really wrong then when I found out it was a hormone imbalance at least I felt better. The time you were on the beach and had anal sex the first time, did it hurt really bad or was it a really great experience. I've attempted before but it was really painful and I stopped trying but my boyfriend now is against it anyway :(. Oh well. Oh about the crush I have. I haven't seen them for four years so I'm just obsessing about an old flame and an old memory. I guess I keep thinking what could have been but wasn't. It's a good thing I don't see them now because since I'm still obsessed with them it's better off that I keep my distance LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 4:37pm
DH means "dear husband" I think. Men use DW for "dear wife".

No it didn't hurt, but mostly because I had read some really good tips pain-free anal.

First and foremost, lots of lube. But the most important thing is when he first puts the tip in, have him stop and give you time to "adjust" to it. Believe it or not, after about 20 seconds or so, you will have completely adjusted and will actually want him to push a little farther. If you start this way, and you are very relaxed, you will not have any pain. You need to relax that muscle back there for this to work!

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 9:03pm
I just wanted to ask you if you were all alone on the beach or if it was in front of an audience. I hope since sex in public is illegal that you were at least under a blanket or being discreet about it. It would have really embarrassing to have been caught in the act LOL

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