to the women

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
to the women
13
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 10:58am

nervous, Helping me deal with an feeling..

I am helped if there is at least 4 responding-from the women.. or more than four can respond preferably more. Any confusion please ask.

When women you have touched his manhood what feeling goes through you -what is the emotional and physical and-what does it mean to you to reach out and touch... -do you feel drawn to that first before he starts fingering you and do you prefer to touch him first before he touches you... etc.

Do you need his touch in your vaginal area regardless of how you are turned on and before you are turned on.. ... or does it help you to have it?

If I am unclear please ask but this is not the same as another previous...

Judith

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: sjudma
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 11:31am

This is the same as all previous questions.....what you touch, when you touch, what you feel...... is different for everyone.

What I feel, what I like, what I do is different every time. And it's different for every woman. I like to touch him....EVERYWHERE. I like him to touch me EVERYWHERE. It doesn't matter which is first, or which is last.

If you get four responses, you'll have your answer? What if you only get three responses? If you get forty responses, they will still be the feelings of the person responding, they will not be what you feel. The only person that can answer these questions for you is yourself. Whatever you feel, that's what YOU feel. Whatever you want to do first, or last, is what YOU want.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
In reply to: sjudma
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 12:01pm

Who touches who's specific parts first in our sexual relationship? I really couldn't tell you, I'm sorry but I don't stop to analyze my exact movements and feelings during sex and I'm sure it all depends on what kind of mood I'm in too... I just go with how I'm feeling at that particular moment and enjoy it all. I still don't understand what you are getting out of asking specific and analytical questions that will only ever have broad, general answers that are dependant on each individual and what mood they are in.

You keep insisting that you're not overanalyzing sex ... but you are. The questions you ask define the term "analytical" and are far too specific for anyone to give you a specific answer, you're always going to get answers that are far too variable to mean anything. You say that regardless, our answers are still helping you but to be honest, the answers we've given you are pure common sense and you pretty much get the same response for every question you ask (ie, broad, general answers that are dependant on each individual and what mood they are in).

I don't feel that you HAVE to share with us why you're asking these questions. If it's personal then it's personal... no one is forcing anyone to reply to your questions so if someone feels they don't want to give out their personal experiences because you refuse to share yours then they don't have to. BUT you have to remember that until you do share with us why you continue to ask these questions, we're going to continue to not understand why you're asking them and we're going to continue telling you they are far too analytical and specific.

As someone else mentioned, your identity is hidden when you post here... no one knows who you are. But if you email people to share intimate info with them, then they know your personal email and you're no longer as anonymous. It would make more sense to post your reasonings behind these questions to the board then it would be to email people about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
In reply to: sjudma
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 12:17pm

The reason I said four is becuase two of the same women are responding and -even though I dont mind that -I would like to hear from other women as well some of the same women that have responded before. Sorry if I sound redundant.. Not sure how to say something.

And the number of responses is not the thing. I only used that number as an example.. not as fact.. I dont care how many responses I get I am just getting two of the same people and could value with at least three becuase some of the same two respond ...

You said: If you get four responses, you'll have your answer? What if you only get three responses? If you get forty responses, they will still be the feelings of the person responding, they will not be what you feel. The only person that can answer these questions for you is yourself. Whatever you feel, that's what YOU feel. Whatever you want to do first, or last, is what YOU want.

Judith: I know what you are saying above. I am not benefitting from this explanation above because i have seen this repeatedly and I know and understand this. I dont need this response above. This response above I dont need because I understand this and so on. I dont need to keep seeing this -I understand this.. I have read this repeatedly and understand you and dont need this comment above. SEe other responses from others that I have commented on that have helped. I know that and have seen this kind of response above alot. I am 38. It has nothing to do with what I want..

I know it is different for you and not everyone has a response like you. I see this response alot. That is why I said about 4 women.

Please women if you read this response.. I need your response any and all are welcome -I see one of the two people always responding.. and would like to hear from the others that have responded before.

Sorry for any repeats.

Judith

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
In reply to: sjudma
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 1:08pm

I have explain in other posts in responses to other posts about me in relation to this. I have beeen hurt sexually and this is helping me to process the unpleasant feeling etc. and working through alot of things. So no i am not anaylzing. This has really and is helpful.

This is based off personal unpleasant hurtful experience .. The reason I am being vague is because people misunderstand me and then I dont benefit. and It is long and complicated to explain how I have been hurt sexually-mild.

I realize you dont think about your response while doing it but becuase of how I experience being hurt sexually -there is a reason why I seek to talk or write about it in teh way that I do as well as think in terms of "resolving confusion" and "understanding is key to processing the unpleasant... . This is the best I can do with an explanation... etc.

You said: You keep insisting that you're not overanalyzing sex ... but you are. The questions you ask define the term "analytical" and are far too specific for anyone to give you a specific answer, you're always going to get answers that are far too variable to mean anything. You say that regardless, our answers are still helping you but to be honest, the answers we've given you are pure common sense and you pretty much get the same response for every question you ask (ie, broad, general answers that are dependant on each individual and what mood they are in).

I understand what you are saying. I know that (and I realize what you said above) but I have found valuable gems in some of the responses regardless of if it is personal or not but a personal with a general response is fine and a personal response on here is a gem that helps me in the response.. and since everyone keeps saying it is anonymous -then I dont see why one would need to say what is written above.

Judith

Judith

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: sjudma
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 4:06pm

There is no routine at all with us and sex, we never start out the same and we never end the same.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
In reply to: sjudma
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 7:39pm
Sometimes I feel excited when I touch my husband's penis, both physically and emotionally. There are many places he can touch me for me to become aroused. Is that what you are asking?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: sjudma
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:09am

Judith, what you're NOT understanding is that you're asking these questions of women (or men) who are in a happy and loving relationship. Even if you were trying to figure out these responses and feelings about yourself, everyone is different, and what I feel may or may not apply to you.

But even more important, what has happened to you was NOT a happy and loving relationship. You were assaulted by a man who was NOT loving.....he was a monster. Your responses to that should be disgust and revulsion. Maybe you THOUGHT you were in a happy and loving relationship, but if he assaulted you, then he didn't love you. When a woman says "no....stop", a loving man will do JUST that, he will NOT force himself on her.

You cannot understand what he felt, or what you felt, because what happened to you was NOT love, and it wasn't sex. There is no way you can compare what others in good relationships feel to what you feel or felt.

The only thing that you need to understand is that you were a victim. You were raped. Maybe you should go to the rape survivors board, and talk to THOSE people. They would be able to explain it to you better than we can. Most women who were raped need to get professional help, not about "the feelings" either of you had, but help to understand that what happened to you had nothing to do with sex, it was the result of violence and hatred, and you can't compare it to sex. It will do you no good to "understand" loving feelings.....what you need to understand is that you were victimized, and that it wasn't your fault in any way. Trying to understand it is futile. Trying to recover from a violent attack is what you need to do. The kind of help you need can't be given to you here.

PS: You keep saying you were "sexually injured". That means RAPE! Calling it a different name doesn't change it. It's RAPE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
In reply to: sjudma
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 10:03am

You said: PS: You keep saying you were "sexually injured". That means RAPE! Calling it a different name doesn't change it. It's RAPE!

How do you know what happened to me. You are not me. Sexually hurt can mean anything. I am sorry but you are wrong. And I am not going to say. It happened when I was an minor. there is more than just rape out there. I am 38.

I know who i am talking to in this group. I know there is a mixture of people in here. I have read all the ones that have posted. I know this is also a group that has loving relationships. That is the helpful part.

Please do not inform me about anything anymore. YOu are talking to someone that knows what the difference between rape and abuse. You are believing something that isn't true.

I know what happened to me was not healthy. I know that.

Everything you said in the post email or response -I already know. I dont need to know that.

Please I would appreciate you not making assumptions.

Judith

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: sjudma
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 10:44am

Without fact, all that is left is assumption! Without direct questions, there can be no helpful answers! You cannot understand yourself from responses from strangers, who can ONLY assume.

You need professional help. No one can overcome abuse, sexual or otherwise on their own.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
In reply to: sjudma
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:44am

Whatever happened to you, whether it was rape, abuse, or anything else... if it happened when you were a minor and you're now 38 and still not past it, you need something more then just asking analytical questions. I am not trying to make assumptions because for all I know, maybe you are already receiving professional help but as far as I've read, you haven't mentioned it so I can only go by what you've said or what I've read (I apologize I haven't read every single one of your posts).

Whether you'll admitt it or not, you are asking analytical questions. And I don't see how analyzing sex is going to help you past your issues, you need to be able to talk about your problems with a professional. Maybe you have in the past but obviously you still need it.

You also can't expect people to keep replying when they feel your questions are far too analytical to give a suitable answer. The reason you've mostly been getting responses from the same two women are because of this. You have to understand that people are getting tired of saying the same things over and over again. We don't really understand how you're getting anything out of the same responses which are:
"It all depends on each individual person"
"It all depends on what mood I'm in"
And "I don't really think about or analyze what we do in bed or how it makes me feel, I just enjoy it."

I bet if you strip all the responses down to a basic statement, these comments above are what every single response is trying to say. I don't see how you continue to get new information from the same responses and as a result, I don't reply to many of your posts because I'm tired of repeating myself.

You are free to continue posting and asking as many questions as you'd like of course but you have to understand that we are beginning to feel like broken records and we don't feel we can help you the way you need to be helped. Of course I can only really speak for myself but I get the impression other people here feel the same way. I am not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to help you understand our position.

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