Women switching from men to women

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Women switching from men to women
4
Wed, 07-17-2013 - 2:05am

TO ALL-

Greetings. I am a 50 year old man from NYC who posts here sometimes.

23 years ago, I dated a woman, J,  for a short time. I was very attracted to her, but she wasn't pleased I didn't have a steady job at the time. We were both Orthodox Jews then and didn't ''fool around" with each other. Subsequently, literally just as I found a steady job, she got engaged to a man from Boston. They stayed married for 9 years, but then divorced. She stopped being Orthodox at the time. Afterwards, in 2004, at age 39, she has a baby out of wedlock. I have become Facebook friends with her and she just posted a picture of herself on Gay Pride Day with rainbow jewelry. She mentioned that she also was on the Pride Train. So, evidently, now in her late 40's, she is into other women. I can't think of  tactful way to ask to confirm this, but it does seem the logical conclusion to draw.

So, how does this work? How can a woman be into men until say age 40 and then decide she wants a woman? I have read that women are more bisexual by nature than men. Is J really a bisexual who had mediocre experiences with men? 

On a related note, from 4th grade through high school, I was friendly with and had a crush on another female my age, D. She had lots of boyfriends, but none who impressed me--typicially druggie types. Then, in college, D got involved with women. If I dated the guys  D did, I think I'd become a lesbian too.

So, what do others here have to say about the subject? Are a good number of women identifying as lesbians really bisexual individuals who have had disappointing experiences with men?

 

Avatar for demecafe
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 07-18-2013 - 12:59pm

trenner2 wrote:

I have become Facebook friends with her and she just posted a picture of herself on Gay Pride Day with rainbow jewelry. She mentioned that she also was on the Pride Train. So, evidently, now in her late 40's, she is into other women. I can't think of tactful way to ask to confirm this, but it does seem the logical conclusion to draw.

So, how does this work? How can a woman be into men until say age 40 and then decide she wants a woman? I have read that women are more bisexual by nature than men. Is J really a bisexual who had mediocre experiences with men?

So, what do others here have to say about the subject? Are a good number of women identifying as lesbians really bisexual individuals who have had disappointing experiences with men?

You can participate in Gay Priday Day without being gay. Same for wearing rainbow jewelry. I've not heard the term Pride Train but again, it seems like something you can participate in/be on without being gay. She may have gay friends/family members that she supports. 

I think those who come out later in life have just finally realized what was "off" in prior relationships. Some people, I don't think, know what the feeling is or understand why it is they don't mesh well with what the so called "normal" relationship is considered. 

 


demecafe

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 07-19-2013 - 1:33am

Demecafe- Hi. Thanks for your reply. Yes, unless I find a tactful way to inquire, I don't know if she is gay or just pro-gay.

 

 To Everyone Else- I look forward to your replies. I will be travelling until August 8, but look forward to seeing what people wrote upon my return.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 10:05pm

My ex's sister is a lesbian in a relationship with a woman (living together) and they were both married to men & had kids before.  I didn't meet her until middle age after all this happened.  From what my ex told me, she was what we used to call a "tomboy", playing sports with the boys, when she was a kid.  We're in our 50's--I just think that years ago there was a lot more pressure to conform and not to be gay that a lot of people (men & women) had maybe suppressed those feelings and went with what they were supposed to do and tried to make it work out.  Now in SIL's case, I guess her DH cheated on her and they got divorced.  I'm not sure how she met up with her current partner.  But she's not the only woman I know who married a man, got divorced and then turned to women.  I don't really feel that women in general have more bisexual tendencies than men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 07-28-2013 - 11:58pm

I knew a woman that was married twice to men and both times the guys ended up being cheaters so she divorced them. I've since lost contact with her but just out of curiosity I looked her up on facebook and her status says "in a relationship with (insert womans name here)"  so in her case it could be she turned to women cause she didn't trust men anymore. There was a popular actress I saw on a talk show who was married for a long time and had kids with her husband and came out in her 50's as a lesbian. She claims she stayed in an abusive marriage for a long time, so maybe with some women they just get tired of cheating or abusive men and turn to women.