Worried About GF's First Vibrator
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| Fri, 09-09-2005 - 10:01am |
My gf has only reached an orgasm one of two ways. Either she masturbates (not often) with her fingers and orgasms through direct clitoral stimulation, or I'll perform oral on her. This has been going on for almost 2 years. A few days ago, I saw a small vibrator in a sex store online and decided to buy it so I can use it on her during oral. (I've thought about buying one in the past, but for some reason, just never did)
I told her about it and she seemed very anxious to use it (telling me that she wanted to see it twice, but I told her I have to wait for it in the mail). But basically, I am very good at giving her oral and to be honest, there has never been a time where I started pleasing her and she did not orgasm. With that said, I'm wondering if when she gets this brand new toy she will use it and be extremely happy with it to the point where the vibrator stimulates her clit and helps her reach an orgasm better than my mouth ever can/will. I'm not second guessing whether or not I should use it on her and let her keep it.
Has anybody been in a similar situation? If so, what did happen when the new toy was introduced and how did it effect your sex lives from then on?
cl

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>>In my mind I'm sayin TOO LATE FOR THAT!<<
Perhaps you should tell her that yourself, and say it out aloud. She may not realise what she's doing to you.
As already mentioned, oral or manual sex, or you masturbating could solve that problem.
And don't get mad at her, it's not her fault that you can get turned on by the slightest thing. Either do something about yourself, come to some agreement where she helps you out more, or put up with the blue balls - it won't actually kill you. Just don't get mad at her. That's not fair. And remember, just because you're always ready for an orgasm doesn't mean that she is too. I'm not saying that she doesn't have a good libido, I'm just saying that sometimes she simply won't be in the mood when you are.
Hi carpetlover:
I gave my wife a massager/vibrator. She likes when 'I' assist her. I let her lay back; then, I use the vibrator (or she does). As the clitoris is being worked, I like to put my tongue on her vagina opening or put tongue/fingers inside her vagina. The vibrator has NOT replaced me! Mac
I agree with mac. I've bought my partner a couple of toys and if you catch up with one of my other recent posts, you'll see that the lastest one has been a great deal of fun. Honestly I find it very exciting to combine a bit of oral and let her use the latest little vibrator on herself at the same time. There's nothing like being between her legs and being able to closely watch her use the vibrator on herself. I think that it's very, very erotic.
You've just got to realise that while the vibrators are fun and can probably help give her some good orgasms, they're no more likely to replace you than the thrill you get from a bit of porn is likely to replace her. I'm sure that you can have a good orgasm from looking at some porn and you can enjoy it, but it's not nearly as good as being with a real live partner, is it? So why do guys look at the porn? Variety and a bit of fun. That's all it is. Same with the vibrators, variety and some good fun, not a replacement.
About her not letting me finish with manuel or oral sex, most of the time it's because she's not really in the mood. Referring to what I said before we could be in bed and she would be perfectly fine, not horny or anything, then she'll just grab me and start rubbing it (in her mind she's just doing it basically because she can, not really expecting anything to escalade). So in that sense, when I say "why did you stop" she'll say that she didn't want me to get too horny. I have talked to her in the past and let her know that I want to finish when she does stop out of nowhere I get mad. So in most cases, she just lay there and caress me down there while I maturbate so that I won't be frustrated.
And for the LONGEST time I have thought about the day where I would simply undress her and begin giving her great oral, like I always do :), and then just stop and say "ok I'm done, I don't want you to get too horny". I want to know what she'll say if I do that. But everytime I consider it and I'm down there and I hear her moaning and telling me not to stop, not stop, I just can't stop until she comes. Plus it doesn't help that whenever I get near her down there I get an immediate erection.
cl
I'm not getting this. tee hee Why is she denying you pleasure? You're certainly not denying her pleasure.
It's perfectly understandable that you're getting frustrated. What's fair is fair. Of course sex shouldn't be tit for tat but you certainly deserve to orgasm if you know that you can....that's really not for her to decide or "control." Ask her what she means by "too excited." Ask her if she is worried that if you orgasm you will lose all interest in sex(which many men do) and then she will not be reciprocated. If so, assure her that you will still give her oral. She shouldn't be running "the show" or at least "your" show. Sex, for the most part, is pleasure for two.
Here's a little tip: While giving her oral, masturbate yourself or have her(teach her) perform manual on you while you give her oral. You'd be surprised how you may both orgasm at the same time or close to it. And do the same for her...while she's performing oral on you, tell her to get into a position for manual. Of course there's always 69, but for some reason it can be hard to master and enjoy fully.
Good luck. Just remember, that your orgasm or pleasure is just as important as her's. Speak up...communicate and most certainly don't let anything fester.
Edited 9/12/2005 11:54 am ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
She plays with you and then says she doesn't want you to get to horny?
It's true, she shouldn't really be doing that to me, but I can't let all the blame fall on her. I'm just very sexual in general and get very horny from the smallest thing. But what you mentioned about masturbating while giving her oral, I do that about 95% of the times we are intimate. I remember a long time ago, I was masturbating and I wanted to give her oral so I asked her to "sit" on my face. She was a little hesitant but ever since that first time, whenever we are intimate that's what we do. We came to the conclusion that A) We both want to have an orgasm and B) I love performing oral on her. So why not put them together and what you said about us having our orgasms at almost the same time, that also happens often. Over time I've come to control my orgasm to the point where between her moaning, and sexual talk with me, and shaking I can pretty much tell when she's about to orgasm. Like I said a little earlier, about 95% of the times, we'll orgasm at either the same time or within seconds of each other, which is great.
cl
But doing it the same way the majority of the time, the way you described, means that you are taking care of HER needs as well as your own 95% of the time!
Everyone enjoys being pleasured by their partner so don't you feel a little deprived?
Both partners should enjoy giving as much as receiving or frustration and resentment can become a problem later on.
I agree with Kat....and....
....just as you get pleasure from giving, she should "learn" to receive pleasure from giving. Isn't that just the cat's meow....getting pleasure from giving pleasure? She should learn how to "soak" in all of what's going on while she's giving. She'll eventually learn how to awaken all of her senses just as you do by giving her oral or manual. In the long run, it pays off, because she will not simply be going through the motions to please you, she'll(like you), be hungry and eager for you. You're really doing a disservice by being so accommodating. Help her, help you. ;-)
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