worried about my first time and his size

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
worried about my first time and his size
10
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 2:21pm

Hiya everyone

just wondering if people could put me at ease about a situation im currently worried about. my boyfriend and I have decided we are ready to have sex with eachother. It will both be our first time, but i am really worried about his size, and mine. he is on the large size...around 8" long and 6" around. i on the other hand am quite small down there, i really dont have all that much room to fit alot in. im just really worried as i have read some peoples messages about how their guy found it pysically impossible to fit, and im so scared that that is gonna happen. ive said this to my boyfriend and hes so understanding, saying about taking everything slow and only doing it when i feel im ready, but i just dont wanna dissapoint myself or him. i was just basically wondering if there was any tips or anything anyone cud say to reassure me! i mean, everything could be fine in the end, we shall never know until we try, but im still so nervous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2005
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 4:25pm
1) get married
2) it really sucked for us. Dh was WAY too big and i was way too small. DH almost cried because he cuold see the pain in my eyes
3) talk to your gyn they can help. a friend of mine had her stretch 1st.
4) use lots of lub
5) did i mention get married 1st?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:11pm
get married? why is that so important?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:13pm
Just don't expect it to be perfect the first few times. You probably will need to stop and neither of you will probably get off. But as long as you realize this, it will be fine. The more you worry, the tighter you will be! Just get lots of foreplay and think about how good you feel with him- don't focus on hoping it will go in. It will! Just take it slow. He can go in a little and then pull out- whatever you need. My first 3 times were a bit tough (my guy's big too). And don't freak out if you bleed! It's great you two have talked about it. You'll be fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:22pm
thankyou so much, i dont know why but i feel so much better even after hearing just that. thankyou
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:36pm

>> im just really worried as i have read some peoples messages about how their guy found it pysically impossible to fit, <<

First of all you have to realise that these messages about other people having problems are from OTHER people. Everyone is different and you are not them.

The secong thing is that the vast majority of problems with getting it in is caused by your muscles around your vagina and pelvis being tense and "clamping down". They get tense because you are tense and nervous. Also you need to be aroused and turned on. When you get aroused and turned on the muscles and vagina relax and lubricate and prepare themselves for intercourse. Again, if you're a bit nervous and not quite ready you won't get as turned on as you could be and the muscles won't relax as much and you probably won't get as lubricated as you could.

So how to relax and get turned on? It's really about being comfortable with your partner and really ready for intercourse. Trust is a big thing. You need to really want the intercourse because you want to have it, not because you think that you should. You need to have lots of foreplay so that you have plenty of time to get turned on. It would help to have a little bottle of lube handy and to use plenty of that if you need it. And finally, it's really all about taking your time and not trying to force it in. It's not a race. If it hurts, stop or do something else for a while and try again later. Provided you do all that, there is a good chance that things will be pain-free.

Finally, if he is quite large he may have to be a bit careful how deep he thrusts when he is finally inside you. A large penis can hit your cervix in some of the positions that provide deeper penetration and that can be unpleasant. It's unrelated to losing your virginity and can happen to anyone anytime.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 7:06pm
No problem! I just lost mine a couple weeks ago. I was pretty scared. I sort of wished I waited a bit longer but now I'm starting to enjoy it. As long as you trust your BF and you're ready, you'll be fine. I bled and I needed to stop early but my BF was fine with it because he was expecting that. Just talk about it beforehand so he knows it's probably going to be a bit of work! My BF was tired after lol :)
(Oh and I don't know why that person said wait until marriage. That has nothing to do with this..)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 7:54pm
aww thanks so much. im glad to be able to hear it from someone whos experienced things recently. yeah i was slightly worried by the whole marriage thing. i love my boyfriend to pieces and dont want anyone else ever, but marriage is a huge step for someone my age. now is definatly not marriage time. i really am so lucky though because he is so understanding. he was really keen on looking into things and seeing what the best way was to make sure we have the most enjoyable, pain free time. bless him. thanks so much for replying anyway i feel so much more calm.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 7:56pm

Dear sbadger00: Everything will be fine. I totally agree with westridge2001. Is there a possibility of the two of you doing a lot of oral and maturbation until you are so hot you "must have him"? That would get you to state of mind that your muscles would be relaxed and your lubrication would be flowing.

That's my suggestion - foreplay until you can't stand to wait another minute for him to be in you.

Rich

 Rich, good to the last drop

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 12:40am

The first time for most couples isn't the greatest....it gets better with time and practice. You being nervous and scared will not help because that makes a woman tense up, not lubricate, and it's almost impossible. Don't worry about disappointing him, either. If it doesn't work, he sounds very understanding, and he won't be disappointed.

The trick is LOTS of foreplay, oral and/or manual clitoral stimulation to get you aroused and lubricated. Just being "ready" emotionally has nothing to do with being ready physically. Also, have some lubrication on hand, because beginners are always nervous, and usually don't lubricate well. Buy some regular sexual lubricant like KY or Astroglide...don't use vaseline or other stuff around the house.

As for size....your vagina is capable of relaxing and allowing even a large penis into it, IF you're well aroused. Think about it......when you give birth a baby comes thru your vagina....and he's not bigger than a baby! (and just as an FYI, the pain of childbirth is from the cramping of the uterus, NOT from the vagina!)

You say he's looked into how to make it easier, and that's kind of him, but you should also know about your body and what you need...if you don't.....go to www.the-clitoris.com and read about it, and he should read it too.

If it doesn't work the first time, then don't worry about it. It'll work the next time, or the time after.....but it WILL work. There's no rush.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 5:44pm
His length shouldnt be a problem, he can control how deep he goes in. He is a little on the thick side, , like the others said, keep some good lube handy