Would like guys to respond to this...
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Would like guys to respond to this...
| Fri, 05-07-2004 - 3:47pm |
I am a single, divorced, very sexual woman..until about 8 mos. ago. Over the last year I have gained a considerable amount of weight. All of my good friends tell me the I "wear it well" and still look very attractive, but I have become very self-concious about my appearance. I have plans to see this man that I dated about a year ago, we have been talking a lot lately, and I know we will probably end up having sex. However, I'm terrified that he will no longer find me exciting or attractive (even though I have told him how I feel). Does a fuller body turn most men off? Guys perspective on this would be greatly appreciated.

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He isn't into them. Now I'm not skinny or fat. I'm in good shape, but I'm not rock hard. I have a small pooch where I had a baby and a couple of stretch marks. I'm 5'9 and a size 10-12 depending on my clothes. I'm not overweight, but I could lose 20 pounds and still be in my healthy weight range, so you can clearly see, I'm not skin and bones.
I've dated several men that like to have something to hold onto. I don't think that the whole skinny thing is in anymore. You can look at celbrities now and see more curves on some of them. I'm happy that we have a more healthy image to look at now. Those rail thin models that looked like they would keel over any minute were not the image we needed to admire.
Don't worry about putting on some weight. If you are not satisfied with your appearance, you can exercise and work on it. But don't think that men are out to be with a bunch of skinny women. Most men will tell you that boney is not sexy.
Melissa
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I wouldn't worry about it though. Be yourself, don't apologize for it and see how things go.
But in reality, whether we admit it or not, sex is a very emotional experience. I am far more satisfied, no I'll say I'm only satisfied when sex is with someone I truly connect with. It is not just a physical act.
Don't be one of those women who are self-concious, instead, be self-confident. Trust me, chances are, if you want him, he will want you.
c
I think the important thing is that YOU don't like it. If it bothers you, and makes you self-concious, then you should do something about losing it. I know, that's a lot easier said than done, but if you're not happy with yourself, it will be apparent, and it will affect your responses, and indirectly, his.
I'm overweight myself, and I know it's difficult to lose weight, but in my case, I'm not really self-concious about it, either. My feeling is: "this is me, take it or leave it".
If your meeting is soon, there's not much you can do right now, except accept yourself as you are, and see what happens. If a few extra pounds turns him off, his loss, not yours.
Every guy has a different preference but feel secure in the knowledge that plenty of guys like their women on the rounder side rather than on the stick side :-) Unless you are truely obese then it shouldn't matter too much - quite possibly not at all. Most guys can handle an attractive woman gaining weight and not be concerned by it.
What is more distracting and more of a turn-off is a woman that feels so selfconcious about her appearance or weight that it affects how she acts and behaves. Be confident and enjoy yourself. Don't talk like a fool about the weight gain or how it makes you feel terrible....
I think that it's probably more about you. If you want to loose the weight then do it. No, of course it's not easy otherwise we'd be a nation of slim people, but it can be done with a bit of willpower and change of lifestyle.
2-You need to learn to LIKE your own body. I suggest going around the house doing chores NAKED. My wife has done vacuming the rugs, changing sheets, and laundry NAKED. She is now comfortable with her own body. Her being comfortable has also added to her sexuality. Good luck, mac
The sexiest women are always the women that KNOW that they are sexy...big or small. Embrace the sexy woman within, and your body will do whatever it needs to to comply with your knowing.
So often we look in the mirror with a critical eye. We see all of our own issues etc. played out on our bodies and face. Love doesn't see that because those issues are illusion. Always best to look at yourself through the eyes of love rather than through the eyes of our narrow egoic perceptions.
Good luck...I'm sure you look just beautiful.
Peace.
Scott.
"...I know we will probably end up having sex. However, I'm terrified that he will no longer find me exciting or attractive..."
Say, are you really ready to with someone you don't quite trust yet? My wife, overweight and all, trusted me enough eventually, but YES she still had image fears anyway. The ONLY thing that knocked her outta that, regarding 'our' relationship anyway, was by focusing on the love relationship we had as opposed to just having sex. Once we got that down, then the sex-tiger in her never stopped roaring (she's rough in bed too......BAM!). Anyway darlin', get yourself 99 guys on these boards that'll say "hot dang! a larger woman!!!" and there will STILL be one with a different taste. Sorry dear, but there are NO words that can make you feel better when you ask what others think instead of what your 'own guy' thinks. Right? Right.
"Does a fuller body turn most men off?"
RAOFL!!! Does an older woman turn most guys off? Does a different race woman turn most guys off? Does a toothpick woman turn most guys off? Does a small-breasted or saggy or too large breasted turn most guys off? Does a beach body with no brains woman turn most guys off? Does a lazy or a cheating or a nagging woman turn most guys off? Sorry Cindy, but sounds like you're in the normal category. Darn it, huh?! ;)
Hmmm...sorry to guilt trip ya, but I pulled this one on my wife the last and final time I heard her talk about her image:
"Love, whats your view of ME gonna be like as I grow older and start gaining weight one of these years?! Got me now."
So you want a MAN's opinion, huh? Have sex (make love) with someone you actually have a trusting caring relationship with...don't settle for someone with a BOY's opinion. Just one reason why I'm attracted more to older women, they just seem more mature and understanding (more often than the younger generation I should say) of real relationships.
Please keep being careful/cautious and good luck. Let us know how it went, my wife is just dying to know!
:)
:)
Mr. & Mrs.
C H A R A C T E R
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