Your help PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Your help PLEASE
3
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:20am
The guy that I have been seeing has a few interesting quirks and I am not sure what to make of them!! First...he wouldn't kiss with tongue - now he is ok with it...but in the beginning he said the he just doesn't kiss anyone with tongue - I dealt with that quirk and since I have graduated to the tongue kissing stage I am ok with it.

HERE IS THE DOOZIE...

He doesn't like nor does he want to receive a blow job. I LOVE giving BJ's but he refuses. Says the it has never turned him on and he will go limp if I try. I didn't really believe it so I asked again if I could try...he said ok - but the moment my mouth came close to his penis - he went completely limp. I tried sucking him off anyway to see if I could get it hard again...but it was a LOST CAUSE. I asked if his dislike of oral sex (he won't go down on women either - BUMMERS!!) had to do with a bad experience in his past (too much teeth - something) but he said that he doesn't think so. He seems to have issues with the oral aspect of things - the kissing with no tongue, no BJ's and no going down...but he doesn't understand where it comes from either.

Any ideas? Suggestions? Explanations??? Help please!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:33am
Explanations? If he doesn't understand it himself, then no one else can explain it. Unless you're a certified sexual therapist, there's nothing you can do about his "quirks". If you care about him, then you put up with it.

He's not unusual, many men have a problem with giving and/or receiving oral sex. The tongue kissing is just an extension of the whole thing. Maybe he's got a "germ" problem. Maybe his family was very religious, and he was taught that sex was dirty, or nasty, or oral sex is a perversion. Maybe he was abused, but he's supressing the memory of it. But, unless you're trained in counselling, I think you need to leave it alone. As I said, if you want to be with him, accept the "quirks", and if you can't live with the "quirks", then move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:27am
**shrug** people are different. I wouldn't worry about it at all. I don't like receiving oral, either, at all. Even though I happily spent several hours this w/e with my bf's disck in my mouth. And that's fine, I really do think it's a waste of time to worry about how people got how they are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 5:39pm
As the other's have said, there's not much you can do to figure this one out. Maybe he had a bad experience with teeth, maybe it was with someone he didn't like a lot or had a bad relationship with, maybe he was molested or abused, maybe he was raised to beleive that oral sex was evil! Point of it all is, who knows? Especially if he doesn't. It doesn't sound like he's particularly interested in finding out why either.

I just answered another post here where I said that you have to accept him for who he is and what he wants. If you can't find a suitable compromise you have to accept that part of him or find someone-else. It doesn't seem fair because oral sex is a widely accepted and enjoyed sexual act, but there isn't much you can do about it.

Who knows anyway? You got him to kiss with his tongue over time. There's always a small possibility that he will change his ideas about oral sex over time too.